How would people know you've been replaced by an impostor?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired by a friend who posted on Facebook that if you’re showering with him and he doesn’t wash his left arm first, it isn’t him, it’s an impostor.

So your double looks exactly like you, right down to the birthmarks. What otherwise-innocuous and mundane behaviors would raise red flags for your nearest and dearest?

Nothing extreme or obvious, like lacking knowledge about your profession, hobbies, or personal life. This impostor has done his homework and fits almost seamlessly into all aspects of your life - but he can’t possibly know all of your little quirks and habits. Eventually he does that one little thing that makes people who know you think, “Wait, that’s not right…”

2

When I’m in a public building with signs that have both spelled-out words and braille dots, I always proof-read the braille.

3

Leet the Wonder Dog[sup]TM[/sup] would bark his head off. As in the first Terminator movie, no imposter could pass canine check.

Or maybe he would slip up and put his coffee cup into the dishwasher instead of leaving it on top, and my wife would bust him.

Or he would make some other glaring mistake.

Yours truly,
Shodan

4

I read magazines back to front, even if he knew that he would surely slip up on occasion.

5

If I ride somewhere in the car without changing the radio station, go look for pods in the basement!

6

I have great difficulty figuring out why anyone would want to pretend to be me in the first place.

7

You don’t think I’m going to *tell *you? What, so you can perfect your double of me?

What kind of dummy do you think I am?

8

Nice try, body snatcher

9

Look at the pupils of the eyes. Mine are seldom the same size, and you can’t fake that.

10

He-e-e-yyy, WAITaminute!

11

Oh, good catch!

12

It would take my family under 1 minute to tell it wasn’t me. I would place any bet you wanted on it.

I truly am that weird.

13

I doubt that anyone besides me could give our cat proper noogies. My wife has tried, but only I can get that knuckle grinding into his forehead just the way he likes it.

14

According to the feline residents of the house, I have magic fingers. They will literally run over other humans in the house to get skritches from me. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be fooled by an imitation.

15

No imposter could ever fart nearly as much as I do.

16

I would be that he would probably text legibly and without mistakes.

17

If I go to bed before washing my face, brushing my teeth and clearing my sinuses (Neti pot or nasal spray) then you should sleep with one eye open.

18

They would win an argument.

19

Hard to say what habits an impostor would know about.

One thing he might slip up on: he might watch a movie and simply appreciate it for itself. Everyone knows that I launch into a critical or scientific review after every movie, and there is always something that should have been done differently. As far as I’m concerned, the main reason to watch a movie is to think about it later. Good movies inspire interesting thoughts; crappy movies just highlight loads of inconsistencies and errors.

Another tell might be waking up in the morning. Apparently, some people are capable of setting an alarm and getting up right as it goes off. I need a good hour of mostly awake time to acclimate myself to the idea of getting out of bed. I am not a happy person if I have to wake up quickly and this isn’t a problem that can be fixed by going to bed early or by caffeine.

20

Either the imposter wouldn’t follow one of my little OCD behaviors while walking across campus, or they’d slip up and be nice to a student. Either way…BUSTED!!