Lemur866: my not-devout-at-all grandmother refused to bed gramps before marriage, that’s how they got married. While they’re still nuts for each other, he’s a bastard of the highest order (tried to prostitute all his female descendants, tried to get the male ones “initiated” before age 12) and they’ve made their daughters’ lifes hell.
Should I have “saved myself for marriage” and married my first serious boyfriend as soon as he proposed, like Grandma did? Maaaybe. But given that he was a pig, I’m glad I didn’t! (He’d been asking me to marry him and be the mother of is children for months when I found out he slept around without protection)
The ideal situation is finding a decent man, marrying him and having the first of many simltaneous orgasms in your wedding night. Excuse me while I go out and take a look at reality.
I wouldn’t worry about it since its HER decision. Stay the hell out of it. This isn’t as easy as you seem to believe it to be.
IF she would decide to make adoption plans for the baby, the agency she works with with very likely have (and if they don’t she should find another agency) a staff of social workers and psychologists who can help her coach her current children.
My wife and I are middle class and we adopted our daughter through DCFS. I think you need to take a better look at what adoption really is before you make those kinds of value statements.
To the OP: I second, third or whatever with the people who suggest treating it like a surrogacy. Make sure the kids know the baby is going to another mommy and daddy who can’t have babies of their own.
No, of course not. Adoption is absolutely the best choice in many situations. But my feeling is, if giving away this one baby is the best choice in this situation, if she judges herself unable to give this baby a good life, how can she justifiy not giving away her other two kids for adoption? If having another baby is really that far out of her competancy, then how can she take care of her other two kids?
Or to put it in a nicer way, if she’s able to provide a good home for her two kids, why does she imagine that the third kid will be a disaster? Either she’s not able for whatever reason to be a mother, in which case she shouldn’t be a mother to any kids, or she’s capable of being a good mother, in which case why is two OK but three impossible? And my argument is that since she can take care of two, it might be harder to take care of three but it’s not going to break the bank.
As for the devout christian tack, well, my personal morality also says that sleeping with someone you aren’t married too is OK, and also that abortion is wrong, but I’m not a christian. I just find it amusing that these “very devout” Christians find themselves in this sort of situation so regularly. Sure, sleeping with a guy you’re not married to is a smaller sin than abortion, but I just wish people who sleep around weren’t allowed to describe themselves as “devout Christians”. No, you’re not a devout Christian, you just like to pretend you are.
So go ahead and sleep with whoever you like, just remember that you can’t fool God. It’s like robbing a bank when the security camera is on. You’re going to get caught, God’s security camera is always on. The fact that so-called devout Christians act like God’s security camera isn’t working leads me to believe that they don’t really deep down believe that God is watching. I mean, if I could get away with it, I can imagine stealing money from the bank, the reason I don’t do it is that I don’t want to get caught. Well, if you really were a devout Christian, wouldn’t you be sure that God’s gonna see what you did there?