No problem with it here either. My husband went to Florida for a bowl game a couple years ago, stayed with his stepson and his family for about 10 days. He spent a weekend in Chicago this summer with a buddy, for a golf tournament. He always says “Can I go?” but it’s a rhetorical question.
Some of his friends aren’t so lucky, and one of them can’t go anywhere without his girlfriend, which puts a damper on some of their bike rides.
I’ve spent weekends without him in Minneapolis, Kansas City and Columbus doing fun things with girlfriends, and longer times in Seattle, visiting family.
I can’t imagine either one of us putting any restrictions on this stuff, except for what’s already been mentioned – keeping spending and drinking at reasonable limits.
I told my wife about this thread, and she said, “if it was you, of course you could go!” She has some friends who live in New England, and she’s flown up there twice to visit them without me. She’s going again in the spring. That’s entirely fine with me. I don’t know these people, don’t share their interests, and I’d be a fifth wheel. Who am I to rain on somebody’s parade? Especially my wife’s? During the summer, she took her week vacation from work to go back to her family home to spend time with her brother, who was in town for a few days. I couldn’t go, I had to work, but she’s certainly free to go wherever and do whatever makes her happy.
After I got my Green Card, I went back to Canada without her, for a week, I guess to get it out of my system. That was fine with her. This year, I’ve met some kindred spirits, and now we go to a really great blues club out in the sticks every few Friday nights. My wife doesn’t have any reservations about that, either.
I can’t imagine having to grovel for permission, or having to lie. That can’t be much of a relationship, if you ask me.
I’d love for someone who wouldn’t “let” their SO go on a trip like this, and justify it. It boggles the mind. I CAN imagine people who wouldn’t want to go on something like this without their SO, but that’s not the same.
I can’t imagine saying no to a guys-only trip. Everyone needs his space once in a while, and any guy who thought he could tell me I couldn’t go on a girls-only weekend would likely find himself single in short order.
One ex of mine (who turned out to be a complete prick for entirely unrelated reasons, but that’s a rant for another day) wanted to go camping in Yosemite for a few days, while I was on crutches. I’m not much of a camper anyway, and certainly not the kind of back-country wilderness camping he had in mind, and certainly not several months into what turned out to be a multi-year stretch of leg surgery and rehab. I told him of course I’d miss him for a few days, but that he should go by all means and have a great time.
In a result that was probably among the worst of all possible outcomes, he didn’t go, saying that he would feel guilty for leaving me alone, and proceeded to attempt to hang the guilt over my head for the remainder of our relationship (which dragged on far longer than it should have, but that’s also a rant for another day).
He tells me about the guys he works with trying to find any reason to get away from their wives and it makes me sad. They have breakfast after work almost every Saturday that they work. (They only work 9 days a month, so it works out to about 1 1/2 times a month) Every time, one or more will get multiple phone calls, nagging them to come home.
To me, it means I get to sleep past 6:30 AM a couple times a month. Yea!
I enjoy every minute I spend with my husband, and he says the same. Since he works 24 hour shifts, we do get time alone. I think that keeps us fresh for each other.
I’m about to go to a conference without my partner, and then out of the country without her. She’s been totally supportive about this, as I was when she went to a conference without me last year. We’ve also made trips to visit our old friends without each other.
I’m not much of a leasher, but I have to say that it would depend on the friends.
No, I would never tell him he couldn’t go, but certain friends of his would raise an eyebrow with me and I’d register my complaint. He’s a recovering drug addict and some of his friends from his old life don’t settle well with me. Like I said, I wouldn’t tell him he couldn’t go, but I’d tell him I wasn’t especially comfortable with it. However, that’d probably get him to look twice at the situation, and then he’d talk to his sponsor about it, which is the direction I’d like him to go in anyway.
If it was with clean friends, heck yes. I wish he’d get out more often. He sits at home when he’s not working and watches TV or plays video games. He needs more fun time.
However, I’ve never had a situation like this pop up because most of the guys consider me “one of the guys” and invite me to little get-togethers like this. We even go to strip clubs together. It’s fun.
What’s hilarious is that most of the guys do a double-take and go “Oh yeah.” when something comes up about our differences in gender. They really DO think I’m a guy!
I will admit that I would have heavily discouraged a trip when I was seven and a half months pregnant, supposed to be staying off my feet, with an eleven month child at home. It didn’t take much discouraging, he pretty much figured that one out on his own.
I’ve never told The Kilt he couldn’t go anywhere, in fact I’m quite happy if he wants to take off for a few days because it give me some time to myself. When we first met he was working in Europe so we only ever saw each other for about four days each month, it was heaven!
Now he’s back in the UK permanently and although it’s good to have someone around, there are still times I’d like to come home to a quiet empty house without the sounds of whatever computer game he’s playing (the sounds of squished zombie when you’re making dinner isn’t all that appealing), times when I can have a long soak in the bath with a good book and my choice of music…all that kinda stuff.
That’ll be why I’ve spent almost the whole weekend with friends, out of the house, donig all sorts of stuff…and he’s been away in Scotland!
I don’t understand people who feel they need permission from someone to go off and enjoy time with their friends. We all need a bit of time away and there’s no point lying about your plans because you’ll get found out and then where will your relationship be?
When I had a much better job, I used to go every year on a week-long scuba diving trip iwth a few buddies from high school. The wife loved it because she could do her artwork in peace, burn incense and scented candles, and listen to her crappy 80s music really loudly. (I like 80s music, but she was only exposed to the really shitty stuff.) Now that my job sucks, she visits her family for the whole month of January, which I look forward to all year. A month without her helps me to focus on what has to be done around the house, like tiling, cabinet repair, installing a new furnace and ductwork, etc.
Reader’s Digest Version: Shecky likes a vacay with the wife, likes them without, and the wife likes both as well. Any woman who insists on always being together needs a hobby.
I don’t understand this whole “permission” thing either.
My husband regularly participates in what his group of friends call the “Death March”. It’s a weekend backpacking trip that is guys only. The last couple of years, my son has participated. The husband has fun, and I get a little extra peace and quiet.
Additionally, although it wasn’t a weekend thing, my husband would go to fight night down at the casino and it was a guys only thing. Again, he’s having fun, and I’m enjoying a little peace and quiet.
The point is, he doesn’t ask permission. He mentions that he and the buddies are planning these events and I tell him have fun.
We all need a break once in awhile. We love each other dearly, but he needs to cut loose and have fun too. He works hard and deserves it.
He’s usually home, playing his computer games. His friends, along with many of my friends, don’t understand why I “let” him spend so much time playing these games. I don’t get their attitudes. It’s what my husband does to relax. He’s having fun, I know where he is, and if I need something or his help he’s there in seconds flat to help me. He doesn’t need my “permission”. :rolleyes:
My husband is 43 (Don’t tell him, he thinks he’s 30.) He and the birthday boy when to high school together. I’m pretty sure all of these “boys” are old, fat and slow.
Our mutual friend threw a “guys only” night at the pool a few months back. Some men weren’t “allowed” to go because Hooters girls were there. In fact, a few of the men complained to him that in the future he should just leave it off the invitation so they could go and then later claim ignorance when their wives threw a fit.
Hubby is also 6’2" and about 250lbs (about half of it might be muscle) I’m pretty sure the priest would be intimidated.
PunditLisa, Even that wouldn’t bother me. I know where his heart lies. When we met I told him he was my butterfly and I would always hold him on an open palm, supported, not contained.
I’ve never closed my hand and he’s never flown away.
Eh, for a few years there I got together with two or three women I knew from our college days. Wife only knew them through me, knew she’d have zero fun. We’d go have dinner, spend an evening catching up. Being the only guy there didn’t matter to them or me, we are old friends. 26 years, that’s a long time in my book. She wouldn’t be jealous of my time spent with women OR other men, she’d be jealous of time spent out of house and away from much-beloved but draining teenage kids.
I travel so much for work that even if an opportunity came up, I probably wouldn’t travel alone somewhere. In the last year I’ve hit ( in no order ) L.A., Chicago, Detroit, Toledo, Kentucky, NYC, Philly, Atlanta, Thunder Bay and Windsor and London and Ottawa and Porquis Junction Ontario Canada for work.
For pleasure, I try not to leave the darned house !!
New wife definitely wouldn’t have a problem. We have slightly separate groups of friends. We both know that we don’t want to hang out together all the time. Sometimes she does her things, I do mine.
This weekend, in fact, I’m going down to my buddy’s new place (he moved this weekend) to drink, play video games, and talk about chicks. He’ll make comments about how being married for a month and a half has already snipped my balls, and I’ll rag on him about his hot 20 year old girlfriend with big tits trapping him in my exact position in a couple of years. Much viewing of guy films, porn, and half-drunken competitive gaming will ensue. My wife is going to be hanging out with her friend, who she hasn’t seen in over a year, Saturday night. Win/win.
I think it’s nuts to be so wrapped up in another person that you can’t do things by yourselves, or to be so distrustful that you have to supervise the other person. I’d never marry a woman who made me petition for permission. Checking to see what plans she’d made for the two of us is common courtesy, asking her if I can please, please go with the guys this weekend is way beyond the pale.
I have a lot more difficulty thinking of couples that go everywhere together in their “free time” than of ones that have separate activities; often, these separate activities include nights out (I even know some groups where several girl-friends married several guy-friends and the two groups often go out guys-only and girls-only, and may run into each other since it’s not such a big town) or vacations. Some friends of mine, the guys never wanted to leave town and the girls did, so they started going on “girls only vacations” leaving the kids with their daddys (which is Good for both parts); some of them, once the kids were big enough, started having one trip with the kids and one with the girls. Some, the guy finally decided to give traveling a shot and discovered, to his surprise, that he could be more than 100km (60miles) away from home and not have a heart attack or anything…
My bf’s and me have always had some separate time; there’s separate-time activities I’m not ok with but what’s acceptable and what isn’t should be arranged, and arrangeable, by each couple. Heck, if you know your SO, you know what will piss them off and shouldn’t even need to discuss what’s ok!
My ideal blokey weekend involved no women at all, naked or otherwise, and I think a lot of guys feel the same. There’s a lot more drinking beer, farting, belching, and setting fire to things and a lot fewer strippers than a lot of jealous wives might suspect.
Case in point: my local pub is just an average suburban boozer. Suddenly, a few years ago it started holding “Lingerie Wednesdays” with lacy bimbettes serving the booze. The guys could care less, and the pub ended up dropping the idea. It was funny to walk in there at the time and see all the guys watching the TV instead of looking at the girls. I only paid any attention to one of the girls once. She was in the back bar, away from the boss, and obviously bored out of her mind at having to put on the act in the front bar, so she dropped the girly voice, sat down, and we talked about… cricket. But for the rest of it… meh.
