How would you react if someone in your social circle claimed to be the God of the Old Testament?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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How to determine whether someone in your social circle is the God of the Old Testament

  1. Hand the person over the local Roman authorities.
  2. Have the authorities hand the person back.
  3. ???
  4. Watch while Roman authorities affix the person to cruciform contraption. Wait until apparent death.
  5. Place person in tomb. Marinate for three days.
  6. Check on person. Are they still dead? Your friend is not the God of the Old Testament.

If they are up and looking spry, proceed to step 7.

  1. Suspect ghost. Contact Ghostbusters.

  2. Watch while Ghostbusters attempt to trap suspected ghost. It they are successful, your friend is not the God of the Old Testament. If they fail, proceed to step 9.

  3. Watch while Ghostbusters cross streams. Does the person go up in a puff of smoke? This is consistent with either:

A. Your friend is not the God of the Old Testament, or
B. Your friend is, indeed, the God of the Old Testament.

Proceed to step 10.

  1. Watch for manifestations of the Holy Spirit in your local vicinity over the following month. This includes sudden outbreaks of fire, or the appearance of doves or pigeons. If none are observed, your friend is not the God of the Old Testament.

If sudden outbreaks of fire are observed, proceed to step 11.

  1. Contact the fire department. Have them put out the fire. You don’t want your house burning down. Proceed to step 12.

  2. Look for doves or pigeons. If none are observed, your friend is not the God of the Old Testament. If doves or pigeons are, indeed, observed, proceed to step 13.

  3. Skip this step. It’s an unlucky number. Proceed to step 14.

  4. Rejoice! Your friend is the God of the Old Testament!

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Ask him what the other five commandments were. And being omniscient, didn’t he know that tablet would get shattered?

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Make sure he can’t set any bushes on fire.

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My social circle makes claims along those lines every Friday. It’s why I drink with them.

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I’d shout “You’re the one that did this to me?” and then begin to pummel him. I do that fairly often no matter what claim they make.

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Technically, that’s a test for whether your friend is the God of the New Testament.

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So, we just need to run the test in compatibility mode for an older version.

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Since most of my friends are agnostics/atheists, I’d be very, very surprised.

Probably would want to call Dr. Sidney Freedman, he’s has some experience (triple geezer points if you get the reference without goggling).

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I hear he is busy treating Hawkeye for PTSD :frowning:

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I’d laugh at how easily you can be suckered. I might offer to sell you one of my bridges… :stuck_out_tongue:

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But the original test harness was compiled under Windows0, and no longer runs except on a very slow emulator. Naturally, it was written all in COBOL.

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  1. Prophet
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I think I love you.

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Well OK, but I’m not having your babies.

35

I’d talk to their family about their history of mental illness.

36

My social circle? I’d assume TBI.

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I’d say, “Prove it”, and wait and see.

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I was amused, not alarmed. I didn’t really care for him as a friend, so it was no skin off my nose if he had strange beliefs and was stressed by it.

It was only later I learned that he was freaking other people out: if I’d known that, I might of asked for advice.

And it was only later, after it became obvious how much distress he was in, that I realized I should have asked for advice.

In retrospect, it is clear that I should have asked for the name of his doctor, from him or from his parents, called the doctor, arranged an early apointment, and given him a lift to the doctor.

Subsequent similar occasions haven’t exactly matched the criteria of the OP. One friend I simply advised that drugs were an effective means of protection from demons, and that he should see his doctor.

I remember a quotation from a Dr, roughly like this: “My schizophrenic patients are so diverse, that I might almost say they have nothing in common other than the distress it causes them. Except that I have one patient who enjoys being schizophrenic.”

If one of my friends was God, and it wasn’t distressing him, it wouldn’t distress me either.

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If I was the God of the Old Testament, I don’t think I would tell anyone. Think about it: No special powers, no perks, no nothing, you just happen to be Rodney, God of the Old Testament. Dates, job interviews, everything: People think you’re nuts. I’d just keep it to myself.

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LOL!