Wow! Apparently there’s a huge mattress sale this weekend, the likes of which will never be seen again. It has to do with excess inventory, or some kind of pre-negotiated large volume buy out, or maybe it was the manufacturer’s anniversary. I forget.
I’m thinking I’d better run out and replace all the mattresses in my house because I’d really hate to miss out on these huge savings. The likes of which will never be seen again!
Your houses is furnished with huge mattresses?
It will be after this weekend! I’d hate to miss out after all.
Finally! I’ll have someplace to set these goblets of wine down for those times when I simply have to drop bowling balls.
You should go, act like you are really interested, but make them take one out in the parking lot and run over it with a steamroller for quality assurance. Make them find a steamroller if they don’t have one on hand. Complain that it is too dirty now and leave.
I read in the newspaper that the local car dealership is offering four-figure incentives to buy a new model!
Why haven’t they done that before? GM’s problems are solved, baby, solved. 
Unfortunately, that means I won’t be able to take advantage of that buy 3, get 1 free tire special at Sears. 
Or go in really, really exitcedly and get the sales staff all fired up, and then act all dissappointed when all they have are the kind that DO absorb blood and urine.
Go in and speak to them in the same tone their commercials put out:
"Yes, I’m interested in purchasing a new mattress. How much would I
***SAVE!
[RIGHT]SAVE![/RIGHT]
SAVE!!! ***
…if I were to buy one
THIS!
WEEKEND!
ONLY!!
…as opposed to your regular prices?"
Can you get me a price quote on a California King with Space Foam™? I just LOVE Space Foam™!
It was designed by NASA you know.
(Northern Aeropaedic Sleep Association)