The human roadblocks are even more fun when they have grocery carts. I have discovered the epicenter of Stupid Cows* Standing Around With Grocery Carts Blocking Aisles And Not Listening When You Say “Excuse Me”- it’s a Safeway in Alamo, which is an upscale town along the 680 in the Bay Area. If those idiots live in Alamo, they (like the idiot described in the OP) clearly have a lot more dollars than sense.
Am I going to hell for laughing at this?
And, if I do, how long is it going to take me to get past all the human roadblocks on their way to hell?
Stupid Cows may be of any weight and gender. They are distinguished by their tendency to stop at random locations without caring whether they’re blocking someone else’s way or not.**
** I realize this is an insult to cows- most of the cows I see grazing in fields alongside the freeway are probably considerably smarter than the people I am comparing to them.
Ah, if only you’d been fiddling with a cattle prod at the time. A boy can only dream.
Last weekend, I went snowboarding up at Hoodoo. As I entered the lodge, a trio of young Future World Leaders decided to abruptly stop in the doorway. Yep, they opened the door, and then stopped- all holding their snowboards and backpacks, all listening to their IPods and talking loudly at each other- leaving the door wide open. As I was right behind them, and a large crowd was behind me, I was unable to stop before I rammed into them.
In a perfect world, their snowboards would’ve become anally inserted upon impact.
How you resisted the temptation to evenly distribute the rest of your coffee over his coat i do not know. Not a bad put-down though, well done mate.
BTW - i am slightly envious of you. When these twats piss me off like that i’m never lucky enough for them to say anything to me. So nice to be able to say something other than ‘excuse me’.
Those cows have relatives in the Safeway in Fremont. I particularly like the ones who put their carts perpendicular to the shelves, or who stand next to them to maximize the blockage.
After a brief excuse me I ram the fuckers. Gently, but carts don’t pick up dents.
And to the OP, another bravo. The only thing I can add is that the anal insertion of the cellphone would be more fun if it was used to insert the coat.
For once in my life the scriptwriter in the back of my head was awake at his typewriter and was able to give me an appropriate response. Usually, I only manage a weak, “Sorry” followed several seconds later by a grumbled, “Who the fuck does that asshole think he is?”
This is why whenever my roommate and I go to Costco, I let him steer the cart. Otherwise, I’d leave the store in handcuffs, at minimum looking at 4-5 life sentences.
The level of obliviousness and lack of consideration some people show is mind-boggling. Which is why it should be socially acceptable to ram your foot into the ass of anyone who blocks doorways, escalators, and elevators.
ERIE774 you are my hero for posting this. Every night when I run through Circular Quay in Sydney to catch my bus and people are walking 5 abreast, I compose a very similar pit in my head. I have actually missed my bus before because some idiots are walking 5 abreast and I cannot get around them!
Fuckin’ A. My personal favorite is people who stop RIGHT IN FRONT OF AN ELEVATOR so people can’t enter or exit. I give a pass to the disabled and youngsters who are unaccustomed to the hectic pace. Everyone else gets the heavy sigh and a sneer.
Absolutely! I have been nearing the top of a travelator with a grocery cart containing 100kg of fertiliser for my garden when the guy in front of me stopped to take a call at the top. Lucky for him the guy behind me leant forward and grabbed the trolley, as I couldn’t pull it back and ther was no way that I could have stopped it running into the idiot by myself.
Ok now I’m laughing. I was trying to pick a word that would be known on both sides of the globe. You know… an escalator without stairs, just a flat conveyor belt thing that you stand on to go between floors. Gah! It’s so clear I’ve had no coffee yet this morning. :dubious:
Arrrghhh. MrSin and I experienced something similar but more egregious a couple of weeks ago shopping around in a resort shopping area (not really intending to buy anything because it was so overpriced, but we had a couple of minutes to spare). We encountered four nimrods standing in a shop entrance talking about their astonishing resort experience. They completely blocked those wishing to enter and exit said store. For several (a lot) of seconds MrSin and I waited (waited obviousely BTW, we are not tiny invisible people) for one of the four to step aside to let us in. Not a single one of them budged. Finally I said “Excuse me” and still none of the nimrods moved, I had to bump into one to enter the shop. Yea God’s folks get a clue.
This seems like a good time to send a special shout-out to that special species of asshole that crowds around the exterior of the train door, so when the doors open and you try to exit, you find yourself stymied by an immovable wall of moron—or even worse, propelled backward into the train as they try to stampede their way in. (This species has also been observed outside elevator doors.)
I used to slip carefully past, looking for an opening, politely whispering “excuse me, please let me pass.” Now I just plow straight through, shoulders first, knocking the drooling shitheels off-balance while muttering “get the FUCK out of my way, goddammit.”
My husband was in a small grocery store yesterday. This place has undersized carts due to space limitations and even then, you can barely fit two carts side-by-side down an aisle. He just needed a few items so he didn’t even have a basket. Two women who obviously knew each other stopped partway down an aisle to talk, standing so that they were completely blocking the aisle. My husband was first in “line” to pass these women, with a few people behind him. He waited for a few seconds for one of them to move aside, listening to them chat about non-emergency matters, then said, “Excuse me, could one of you step aside so we could get through?” The woman closest to him held up one finger and extended it towards him (index, not middle), saying, “Just a second,” and went back to chatting with no indication from her conversation that she was wrapping it up. He said, “No, we’re going now,” and pushed between them, “lightly shoving” them apart to clear a path. The others followed after, and the women let out that “I’m so offended” gasp.
