Modern Manners, aka Standing In The Way

The BBQ Pit
1

I was thinking about a thing today that happened a while back. It was in a MALL, so you know it was back around the time the oceans drank Atlantis.

I was on the downstairs portion of the mall, and upon determining I wanted to go upstairs, hunted around until I found the escalator, and stepped aboard.

In the process of ascending, I noted that the entire middle of the escalator was clotted with people. Judging from their familiarity and lack of interest in personal space, I concluded that these folks were all members of a family… Mom, Dad, Grandma, Teen Boy, Eldest Girl, Middle Boy, Middle Girl, Pink Bow Toddler, and Tiny Nose Miner. I paid them no heed. They weren’t bothering me.

Until they arrived at the top of the escalator.

Because that was where they stopped. All of them. They all dismounted the escalator, and stood right there, at the top of the escalator, in a tight clot of humanity, apparently to discuss where they would go next, perhaps intending to split up and do their shopping and then meet later at the food court or whatever. I really don’t know. I wasn’t listening to their conversation so much as I was wondering if they were going to get out of the WAY.

They did not get out of the way. They stood there, less than a foot off the escalator steps, completely blocking the exit to the escalator. Dad had begun talking, and everyone was listening raptly to whatever it was he was saying.

I pondered how I would deal with this. My arrival would put me right behind Mom, who was holding Pink Bow Toddler. It occurred to me that perhaps the sudden arrival of a stranger less than a foot behind her might discomfit and alarm her. I certainly didn’t want to do that. What to do?

Perhaps I would run back down the escalator. I glanced behind me. No luck. There was some guy three feet behind me, and others behind HIM. For a moment, I pondered simply leaping the thirty feet back down to the lower floor, but quickly discarded that idea. I simply shrugged, and was disgorged by the escalator directly behind Mom.

Mom reacted about the way I thought she would, with an “Oh!” and a brisk step forward. Dad looked at me like I’d showed up uninvited for Thanksgiving. Grandma looked at me like I’d yanked open my dirty trenchcoat to expose my naughty bits. The kids stared at me like I’d descended from a flying saucer.

Dad gave me an indignant look. I smiled at him. Mom frantically nudged through her children to get away from me.

“Ex-CUSE me?” Dad snapped.

I kept smiling. “Yes, excuse me,” I beamed at him, following Mom’s path through the children. Mom glanced over her shoulder at me, and was apparently shocked that I was still there, and skittered forward, opening me a path. I strode briskly through the opening. Dad looked like he was starting to get angry, and I hoped to put some distance between us before he could work through being surprised. Plus, I felt the presence behind me of another body, and I really didn’t want Guy Behind Me in my back pocket.

As I strode briskly forward, Dad noticed Guy Behind Me, and shifted into High Indignance. Here he was, just trying to marshal his family, and these COMPLETE STRANGERS insisted on barging through their PERSONAL SPACE!

Behind me, Dad apparently noticed Guy Behind Me, and said loudly, “PARDON ME? What are you people DOING?”

Guy Behind Me said, “I’m WALKING here,” in a tone of voice that dared Dad to do something about it.

I did not respond or turn back. I figured if a fight was going to happen, well, perhaps Dad would rather wrassle Guy Behind Me than myself, since I’d already put some distance on.

And at that point, this entire vignette fades from my memory. I don’t remember where I went after that, what I did in the mall, or whether or not Dad realized that he had stopped for a family conference in the one place in the mall where complete strangers really had no choice but to shove him and his family aside, or simply leap off a thirty foot drop for the sake of politeness.

But weirdly enough? This entire thing springs to mind, whole and unedited, every time I try to walk through a doorway in which someone has taken up permanent residence for the sake of a conversation…

2

Ugh, I started a thread about this kind of thing a while back. I’m becoming convinced there are people put on this Earth whose only purpose is to get in my way in public places. They apparently live for the chance to stand still in a traffic area, as the OP describes. Or get in front of me and then drive or walk as slowly as possible. Or walk several people abreast such that nobody can pass. But my favorite has to be people who walk diagonally - you get ready to pass them, then they lazily change direction and you have to go around the other way.

I’m frequently struck by the feeling that we are really bad at designing public spaces in which people need to move. Part of this seems to be that malls, airports and such seem to be purposely obstructing walking paths with advertising signs. Is it me, or is that relatively recent? I don’t remember it years ago when malls were more of a thing. At airports the goddam TSA takes over huge swaths of walking space for their lines and create bottlenecks, to say nothing of gate areas that can’t remotely hold the number of people getting on the plane (Boston Logan, I’m looking at you…).

In any case, I make an effort to be aware of the traffic around me when I’m walking, and especially when I’m STOPPING. I wish we had more firm social conventions about this.

3

These people also go around to get in front of you, then suddenly just stop. I’m pretty sure they drive this way, too.
Problem is, my cat does this too, but he has a brain the size of a walnut and does not have a driver’s license. As far as I know. He also likes to creep up behind me and try and trip me. I must redo my will.

4

Long leashes should be banned. Or cut.

5

This is along the same lines as The Revolving Door Dipshit.

A person who will exit the building through the revolving door, and then will immediately discover a need to stop to do something. It may be to remove a bit of lint from their jacket. It may be to check the stock prices via their cell phone. It might even be to pause to attempt to remember who won the world series in 1986*. It matters not.

What matters is that if you are right behind them in the aforementioned revolving door, it is apparent that you will soon be revolved right out and directly into them. Whereupon your only real option is to shove them aside and say firmly “Get out of my way, Dipshit!” in a loud voice. This is the only solution here.
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*New York Mets

6

I’ve perfected the loud “Excuse me!” and the smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. Lots of practice in the grocery store. I was in Target on Black Friday and a girl and her friend sensed my intent and hurriedly got out of my way. As I passed, I overheard one girl say, “I was going to get run over.” And I thought, “Good.”

7

People have no sense of what or who is around them, because people have been looking inward for years now. I’m surprised more of them aren’t bludgeoned senseless by those of us with a sense of space, or that there aren’t random piles of people at the tops of escalators, in the middle of doorways, or in the aisles of the neighborhood grocery.

I’ve given up trying to be polite to these inconsiderate morons. Most irritating is the group of three (or even just two) who are coming toward me on the sidewalk, and who, for some inexplicable reason, believe they are entitled to the entire width of the walk. I refuse to get out of the way, and will usually just stop as they walk up to me. They’ll mutter “Oh, excuse me”, but it’s obvious that they don’t mean it and that they actually expect everyone to step aside. Same goes for people who are mesmerized by whatever LOLZ is on the tiny screen in front of them. “Out of my way, for I possess a smart phone!” Sadly, you’re not as smart as your phone is.

8

Yeah, we can make smart phones, let’s get to work on making smart people.

9

Anyone who is too stupid to realize that they are standing at the top of a conveyor belt of people and thus must move out of the way is someone we don’t need in the gene pool. I’m convinced that they are the same people who stand in the security line at the airport watching dozens of other people take out their laptops, remove their belts and shoes and when it’s their turn ask: “do I need to take out my laptop? can I keep my shoes on? how about my belt?”

In earlier times, these people would have ended up as saber tooth tiger scat.

10

I can understand it happening accidentally–you just were just distracted and not paying attention to where you were standing. But the second you said something, the response should have been something like “Oh! I’m sorry! I wasn’t paying attention. Let me get out of your way.” Even if that’s not actually said out loud, that would be what their body language would show (quickly getting out of the way, looking apologetic and sheepish, etc.).

I’ve been the dolt who wasn’t paying attention or didn’t realize there wasn’t room to get around me. But I always move as soon as I’m made aware. And I try my best not to make a habit of it.

11

My dogs like to follow me from the front and then get very offended when they get stepped on.

The people that I always seem to encounter are those that need to check their receipts while blocking the entire exit with their cart at the grocery store.

12

I’ve found that you can’t fight rudeness with manners, only with greater rudeness. In cases like the OP, I usually just bark “Excuse me”, shove my way through them, and just keep walking at my usual fast clip. By the time they realize what happened, I’m 20 feet away, and what are they going to do then, chase me down?

Of course, it helps that I’m large and male.

13

I have a minor version of this to tell.

From time to time, I encounter one or more people blocking the aisle at the grocery store, and they may be facing away from me and not know I’m there. If they’ve parked their carts by the side of the aisle so I can get past, fine.

But if they’ve parked their carts so they block the aisle, I like to play my EVIL PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE maneuver.

I just quietly wait there for however long it takes until someone notices me. When that finally happens, they will more often than not immediately move their carts out of the way while sheepishly apologizing profusely with great embarrassment and obvious discomfort.

I like when that happens.

14

You stop? That is being polite. I favour continuing on my way, if that results in us brushing jackets or even shoulders, that’s fine with me - maybe it will help them get the message.

15

I’m 6’2½", 280 pounds, and can call up a deep, booming, announcer-type voice when needed. Sort of like a smaller Fezzik with better enunciation. An “excuse me” in that voice typically gets such folk out of my way while they look sheepish.

16

I do the same.

Just last week I went to the yogurt section. There was a lady in the way, and just staring at the yogurt. I stood next to her. And she continued to stare at the yogurt. After a minute or so I took my phone out and surfed the Internet. She eventually noticed my presence, quickly picked out her yogurt, and moved. I grabbed my yogurt in 2 seconds.

17

Personally, I don’t care about making a point. I just want my damn yogurt.

18

Let me add the dolts who insist on entering an elevator before letting people exit the elevator. I recently had a woman with a walker push into the elevator as I was trying to exit, and she said, “I’ll get on then you can get off”, as if that was the ideal sequence of events.

19

I’ve been in this situation so many times over the years, I no longer make any pretense about being polite. I just shove my way through as if they weren’t there. In my mind, they’re not.

20

My cat will get in front of me when I am moving somewhere and amble and dart around and this is why this will be on my tombstone:

“Move! MOOOOVVVVVE! Do you see me coming? MOVE! GET OUT OF MY GODDAMNED WAY! MOVE!”

Obviously these people are reincarnated relatives of my cats.