Office parties. Brrrr…
Not as bad as the office Secret Santa, though.
Fear it! :eek:
(Yes, I’m a thread-pimpin’ byatch.)
Our office party (I work for a computer consulting company) got scheduled for Dec 18th. Yep, the day The Two Towers opens. Guess how many of the techs and engineers will be attending the party? Heck, I’m taking the whole day off work!
We had a Christmas party in November that I was required to attend. Another one this week which I am required to attend and another next week again required to attend.
And there is only 2 of us in the office!!! freaking parties are for our suppliers, members and councillors. Don’t see why we can’t just have one party and get it over with.
Not only are we having an after-hours Christmas Party, but each department is strongly encouraged to have at least one participant in the EMPLOYEE TALENT SHOW!!! A FREAKING REQUIRED TALENT SHOW!!!
[sub]Sorry, almost had an aneurysm there.[/sub]
My department manager decided we, as a group, would get up on stage and pantomime the Village People’s Y-M-C-A. Fortunately, he sensed my extreme discomfort with performing on-stage and I’ve been recruited to photograph the Talent Show, so I’m off the hook.
Oh LORD, Ogre, that was funny. Glad to see you’re still around.
Good christ! What are these people thinking?
Wow, you guys make me feel better. Our office party this year is a potluck at someone’s house. I’m not going to it for three reasons:
- I’m not close to any of my coworkers, even though I’m sure they’re nice people;
- I hate going to large parties where I’m not good friends with most of the people there; and
- My sister is having a much smaller dinner-party that same night, which I’ve already accepted an invitation to.
So when my boss asked who was going to the party and I remained silent, she asked me specifically; when I shook my head, she told me I needed to be “more involved.” I eventually promised to make cookies, and they backed off.
Sheesh. It’s not my fault I’ve got a social life outside of work, people.
Daniel
We have office parties where I work.
I don’t drink.
Everyone else does. Heavily.
I have a camera with me most of the time.
I have wonderful job security.
Really, office parties can be great opportunities (if you stay sober) to see your co-workers
- puke. On each other, on themselves, on your shoes.
2)Have sex with one another in remarkably odd places. While their spouses fume, drink, and file restraining orders.
3)Chase one another around the office half naked.
4)climb to the roof of the building and pee on the street below. Especailly the girls. - fight. Beat one another to a bloody pulp with beer bottles.
- pass out in their cars with their pants around their ankles after having been given humers by the parts department girl.
- drink alcohol out of one another’s shoes, then end up in a strip joint with the business manager. And her girlfriend.
And many others.
Bring your camera. Have fun. Secure your future.
b.
Legomancer I’ve got a double CD player pre-loaded with the Smurfs and the Chipmunks sing the Xmas classics and more to the point who are you going to have to avoid tomorrow after too much booze?
I think the executive email qualifies pretty damn nicely! 
Billy, sounds like those parties could fill a thread by themselves. Got any entertaining stories you can share?
Pretty please?
At least you all aren’t going to be forced to go to a lame office party on your BIRTHDAY!! That’s right, in high-school we had the stupid classroom parties, always on my birthday. In college, finals. Every birthday. Now what do I get?
A STUPID OFFICE PARTY THAT I TRIED TO GET OUT OF BUT AM BEING FORCED TO ATTEND ON MY GODDAMN MUTHA BLIPIN’ BIRTHDAY.
There better be gifts goddammit.
Two years ago, my company holiday party was in Vegas. I was just a consultant, so I wasn’t invited. But several hundred regular employees were flown from Seattle to Sin City, where three days and two nights of alcohol and carousing was enjoyed on the company dime.
This year? I don’t remember the exact location, but it’s downtown, and there’s an 80’s cover band involved. So, fuck it.
If it ain’t Vegas, I ain’t goin’.
Words can’t describe how much I hate Secret Santa. I only played once over ten years ago. I’m Jewish, I don’t like chocolate and I don’t drink alcohol. Ninety pecent of the gift pool is either Christmas related (tree ornament, Santa mug, etc), chocolate flavored (candy, cookies) or a bottle of booze. I just can’t win.
Haj
It’s the “you must go but you can’t take your spouse” mentality that pisses me off. Fortunately my company’s do includes spouses but the kabbess’ does not. She gets on well enough with her work colleagues, but it’s not like they’re close personal friends. And they’re being bussed there and back, so it isn’t even easy to skip out early. I’m sure that she’ll get pissed and have a good time, but frankly neither of us really has a good time at this kind of thing without the other present - you just keep wishing that they were there to dance with you etc.
pan
I really don’t want to go to the office bash; I got out of it last year as I had only just joined the company and pleaded prior engagements, but there was loads of notice this year and no way out. By all accounts it will be a complete drunken frenzy(not my cup of tea at all), terminating in one or more ugly fistfights (they have to find a new venue every year as the previous one won’t have them back).
I intend to make a slightly early exit.
Well, the departmental meeting party was yesterday, and it went okay. The big formal fancy schmancy deal is next week, and that’s the one I’m avoiding. My work is not my life.
Very apt wording, Mangetout! 
Legomancer: Glad to hear you got through the meetingy thing. Yuck.
Kn(planning to hide under my desk when the breakfast/gift exchange comes a-knockin’)ckers
I was asked to RSVP for 3 parties that are “strongly encouraged” this year. So, I did. Hell, they all take place during work (all on different days, from 11AM-1PM) and I can always sneak back to my office and hide out. Of course, I work in a drug/alcohol rehab center, so there won’t be any boozing on company time. Dammit.
I’ve declined the invitation to join the Secret Satan Gift Swap. My decision was made extremely easy when I was told there was a $20 limit. (No, not a $20 max, but a $20 minimum, accompanied by a “wish list”.) These people have to be out of their fucking minds if they think I’m going to shell out at LEAST $20 on some dipshit that I don’t even know. (There are about 50 people in my department, and I think I’ve met maybe 8 of them.) The other party will feature a rousing rendition of “Do You Know Your Co-Worker?”
No, I don’t, and I really don’t care to, either.
The only good thing about these parties is that it makes 3 less days that I have to buy myself lunch. Catered lunch can be a good thing, sometimes.
Oh, man, I loved my previous department’s office party! It was during a work day, and everyone was invited but told that it was an OPTIONAL event. The company paid for ham & turkey sandwiches and soft drinks and everyone brought a side dish or dessert.
After lunch, we had a White Elephant gift exchange where hilarity generally ensued. I worked with a lot of engineers and it’s amazing the lengths they’d go to to come up with the most gawd awful gift. (One guy burned a c.d. of his 6 year old singing Xmas carols. “Noah Sings Christmas.”) Last year the worst prize was brought by a woman who wrapped up a 16" tall wooden penguin that she found in (where else?) Gatlinburg at the Fingerhut Outlet store. It was the tackiest thing you ever saw. Needless to say it got passed around several times. The person who ended up with it waited until the next quarterly meeting. Then he surprised us by presenting it to a package engineer who had made some dumb technical error. He donned it the “Wooden Penguin Award, for Block Heads.”
BTW, the next quarter, the package guy presented ME with the Wooden Penguin Award the next quarter for booking my boss on an around-the-world trip…on coach. He’s 6’5" and weighs about 250. (Who knew the company paid for business class seats on international flights?) He called it a “career-altering mistake.”