I’m reading Hyperion by Dan Simmons and so far it’s interesting but one thing bothers me. The format so far is these people talking to each other, telling each other their stories. So you have to take that into account… that what you are reading is being told (not neccessarily narrated in the words that you are reading, but told none the less) to the others by the one in the story. So this one guy’s story goes into all this sexual detail… which I really don’t see him telling the group. Take this snip, for example:
Ok I can see that if we were just reading his story, but as something that he is telling a group of people (mixed company)? His story is the story of his military experience… how is his ejaculation relevant? I just don’t see him as giving that part of the info.
Am I being too picky? To me you can either have the character telling the story, or the author telling the story, but you can only cross the two so much before it starts seeming kind of strange.