Assuming I were not clever enough to come up with or steal the ideas posted by other Dopers here, I’d probably buy several years’ worth of a suite and four field level season seats at Dodger Stadium. Let’s say that’ll cost $2,000,000. (I’m figuring $100,000 each year for 20 years.)
Then, I’d call up Brunswick and see how much money it would take for them to offer me a lifetime of free bowling at any of their establishments. I’m hoping $100,000 would be enough to satisfy them.
Then, I’d book a cruise per year for the next 20 years. Including at least one that would be an around-the-world cruise.
I’d arrange to pay the SDMB member fees for a few dozen of my favorite posters, of course (We speak “bribe” here!).
I’d try to buy lifetime memberships (or, if not an option, years of membership) to my favorite entertainment spots (amusements parks and the like).
I’m not sure, based on the OP, whether gift cards are off limits, here. I’m assuming that the spirit of the thread means that isn’t valid, but just in case, I’d throw in several hundred thousand dollars in Amazon and Best Buy certificates, and probably some place that sells casual and business clothing, just so I wouldn’t have to worry about such things in the future.
Oh, and I’d prepay my satellite and internet bills for a few years.