I’ve never been comfortable with “my wife” or “my girlfriend”, and certainly not “the wife.” Sounds too much like chattel to me. I prefer to use her name, even when speaking to people I hardly know. If they develop a puzzled look, I simply say that <insert name> is the woman I’m currently married to, dating etc etc.
My theory is that by referring to her by name, I am including her in the conversation, and by default in my life.
And yet, and yet, if life were to be so simple. I recently found myself using the term “my girlfriend”, and the words had hardly left my mouth when I cringed. WTF? Where did that come from? And to make matters worse, I used the term a few more times in subsequent conversations, all with the same audience.
And so, after some careful introspection, I realised that by doing so, I was fulfilling a subconscious need for anonymity. You see, the “audience” was/is a drop dead gorgeous individual with whom I have a working relationship, with a body that would make many a man (and perhaps a woman) falter at the alter. Moreover, she is the spitting image of a woman I deeply loved a long time ago. A forbidden love, spanning nearly two decades, complex and complicated. Like two ships passing in the night, we would catch glimpses of each other’s faces lit up by the dials and compasses of our respective ships, and on more than one occasion, we would reach dangerously over the rails, and across the raging seas we would try to touch as our ships sailed in opposite directions.
I digress.
The point I think I’m trying to make, albeit clumsily, is that perhaps it is not out of disrespect that we use the terminology, but out of a need to classify the specific relationship as “off limits”, “not for discussion”, or even, “NOYDB.” In my case, it is probably a realisation that in another lifetime, under different circumstances, I would definitely pursue something more with this woman, but given that I have made certain choices which I have chosen to follow through, that is not to be. And yet, I cannot deny the attraction. It is there, it is palpable, and I suspect it is mutual, as she too has not referred to her SO by name.
