I achieve bureaucratic nirvana

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, my job is about 50% patient care and 50% administration these days.

One of my tasks is to review the abnormal labs that come in on our new inmates. The inmates come in at a rate of over 30 a day, so there’s always work to be done. I often have over 100 different patient results to review in a sitting.

As such, I’ve learned to really crank through them. I can identify a potential significant abnormality pretty easily, so I breeze through the insignificant ones rather quickly. I open the chart to the flagged report, scan the report, initial it, date it, then lift that report to see if there’s another to be signed off. Assuming there is and it’s a trivial abnormality, I sign off on that too, until I review all new abnormals in the chart, pull the flag, close the chart, and move it away. The work of a few seconds.

However, many reports (generally culture reports) come back as “preliminary results”. These need to be reviewed, signed, and kept in the chart until the “final results” arrive. At that point the preliminary reports need to be discarded (via shredder, as it is confidential information), rather than clutter up the chart.

In the past, the preliminary results used to reliably cross my desk before the final results did. Lately, they come in bundled together with the final results.

Which caused this recurring scenario:

Open the chart, review and sign the preliminary results, lift it with my left hand, see that the report right under it is the final results, so immediately move the prelim report to the shredder.

I think I did this about 6 times in a row before I noticed my medical assistant staring at me. When I explained what I was doing, she quickly grasped the gist of it. We both do work for the government, after all. However, we did both pause to marvel at the fact that I get paid to review, sign, then immediately destroy reports.

(BTW, I did some quick time and motion studies. It is faster to sign first then shred if necessary, than it is to check to see if the final result is there, then go back and shred the prelim without signing)

2

For some reason this reminds me of something I read in a story. There was some form that needed to be filled out in quintuplicate (or possibly sextuplicate) and immediately after completion, one of the copies had to be shredded.

I am wondering though, why the final results aren’t the top ones in the charts, since presumably they would have come in after the preliminary results. But then, I used to work for the government too, so I have no doubt that there’s a reason the final results were filed before the preliminary results. And that in some universe that reason might even make sense.

3

All I can say is well done! I have many times had to make sure that something that will end up in the shredder is correctly filled out. I never really thought about it before, but now see my work life as essentially meaningless. :eek:
:wink:

4

The Gilbreths would be proud of you!

5

What, you don’t have shredding authorization forms? These can be shredded 120 days after the documents they authorize to be shredded are shredded.

Of couse, you will need a shredding authorization form for each shredding authorization form you shred…

6

Documents placed in the folder by type, then within each type by date, with the oldest document on top (that is, to be read in the order in which it was sent and/or received). The last document does not automatically go on top. If you believe the last document should automatically go on top with no additional sorting, I can give you the email of my brother the moneyman, who can rant against that practice for hours. Another favourite of his is filing anything for “(whomever) Inc.” under I or for “(whatever) Bros.” under B.

7

and Hermes Conrad would be weeping with joy.

8

Thus saith PLC:

I’m sorry, Citizen, but we’re all out of Shredding Shredding Authorization Forms Authorization Forms. Please submit a Form Request Form, completed in triplicate, and retain the fourth copy for your reference. Failure to provide the reference copy when you pick up the form is misuse of Computer resources, which is treasonous. Have a nice day, Citizen.

And all this time I thought it was a GAME, not reality.

9

This resonates with me. Sometimes I think it would be more efficient if I simply switched to a job where I cut down trees directly.

10

At the government agency where I worked everything was filed in the case folders with the oldest in the back and the most current on top. What used to annoy me was that there were often multiple copies of the same document in the folder. This was because the local office would send in reports that included the copies of documents from the folder that had been sent to them as part of the request for development, and of course those copies were filed too. It was not unusual in cases which had required multiple development requests (usually because the local office had not properly developed an issue the first time) to have five or more copies of a letter we’d received from a claimant.

11

And then fed them straight into a wood chipper.

12

We were getting a shipment of HP printers. With all the accouterment. two extra paper holders, the base, an envelope feeder (scanner?) I asked earnestly if it came with the shredder attachment, so the printed pages could feed directly for destruction. We did hold short on the chipper shredder option, that would just be silly.

13

Greetings, Comrade Computer!

Owing to an oversight, I was not issued with any Form Request Forms which I now need to request the required Shredding Shredding Shredding Authorization Forms Authorization Forms Authorization Forms. May I request a single emergency copy of the Form Request Forms so I can formally request Form Request Forms?

Or is there a special form for that?

I await your instructions, Comrade Computer!

14

No, you may use the regular Shredding Shredding Shredding Authorization Forms Authorization Forms Authorization Forms. But there is an Emergency Expedite Form Delivery form that needs to be attached, in triplicate, and must be signed by two managers and a VP.

15

I am a contractor at a small, relatively smart government agency. So far their strangest bureaucratic practice is a particular document that arrives by fax, is time-stamped and copied, and the copy is hand-delivered to the Big Guys. About an hour later the original is hand-delivered to the secretary for the Big Guys. She glances at it and has it returned to the mailroom where it is filed.

Apparently this practice was born of her not quite believing the fax came in every day, so long after an exact copy was distributed, she wanted to eyeball the original just to reassure herself it existed. Of course she was getting the original too late to do anything if it wasn’t correct, as the Big Guys had read and acted on the copy an hour earlier.

.

16

Which absolutely requires a link to HP Aboxalypse Now!

17

All the offices I’ve worked in have prongs in the file folder, so newest documents were added on top. Lazy filing is just plopping new documents in, proper filing is punching and pronging them. I punch and prong when I pull a file out to work with, but mostly settle for just getting the damed paper in the damned folder most of the time.

What was my point? Oh, right. To file newest on the bottom wouldn’t work very efficiently if you have to pull the contents out to add new paperwork to the bottom with the punch-and-prong system.

I hate filing.

What I really hate is coming into my current job and finding that the three previous admins obviously hated filing even more than I do, as I found filing to be done from 2007. Hence, there is a lot of just “get the paper in the right folder and get on with it” for me these days.

I do enjoy a good shredding session, however.