I am a thermodynamic miracle!

The BBQ Pit
1

I am 185 lbs (about 84 kg). For someone my height (5’ 5", or 1m and 65 cm), being 185 lbs. gives me a BMI of about 30.5. That’s just on the wrong side of the overweight/obese border.

There’s nothing miraculous about that, of course. However, there is something miraculous about my ability to stay 185 lbs, no matter what I do. It doesn’t seem to matter what I eat or how much I exercise. My body seems to violate the laws of thermodynamics.

Live on greasy Chinese delivery, down a pint of ice cream every night, and do nothing but shovel chocolate into my face while sitting in front of my computer? I’m 185 lbs.

Cut out junk food and work with a personal trainer three times a week? I’m 185 lbs. (I have better muscle tone and aerobic capacity, I sleep better, and I’m generally happier, but the scale doesn’t budge.)

Spend hours every day riding my bicycle around town and in the woods? After each ride, hang out with vegetarians and eat long, conversation-filled meals that are mostly carrots and zucchini? I’m 185 lbs. (Once again, I’m much happier, but still massive.)

A month ago, I got what I think was a bout of gastritis. I was pretty miserable for a day or two and could barely eat anything. Over the next ten days or so, I got better. In the process, my tastes in food and how much I eat changed radically. The idea of eating anything greasy or fried became repulsive, and I ended up with a limited desire or tolerance for anything super-sweet. My favorite foods have become steamed veggies (for real), and they’re most of what I eat. I get full faster, on much less food, and stay full longer.

My skin has gotten better, and I have much less heartburn than I used to. I sleep better at night and have more focus and energy during the day, some of which I put towards vigorous walks and hikes. I’m getting much more physical activity than I was in August or most of September. There’s no way I couldn’t be losing weight, right? Right?

Ha, ha! Yeah, no. My laws-of-physics-defying ass is still a full 185 lbs.

I’d like to think of my unchangeable blubber as a boon to humankind. Since it doesn’t follow the laws of thermodynamics, maybe it could power perpetual motion machines. Or perhaps it could reverse entropy, which could let us develop time machines.

My stockpile of sci-fi flab does have one big drawback. It causes terrible problems for men who agree to go on first dates with me. At some point right before every date (about 12 hours in advance, if I’m lucky), my fat interacts with the spacetime continuum and makes something terrible happen to the poor man. His kids get sick, he has an emergency at work, he gets stuck with intractable transit issues, etc., thus making the date impossible.

Often, the guy simply never arrives. In those cases, I can only assume my miraculous flab has teleported the guy into an alternate universe. That would explain why he doesn’t show up or answer texts.

Anyway–just thought I’d share, in the interests of advancing science.

2

There are probably some guys out there immune to your magic; hopefully you’ll run in to one of them soon. I mean, sheerly for example I’m about twice your weight so I’m pretty sure I have sufficient physical inertia to resist displacement.

(That’s sheerly an example; “in my dreams” is too far of a commute for me to engage in such a long-distance relationship.)

3

:dubious:

I believe that’s the source of your dates getting teleported away.

4

The usual explanation for ‘I’m exercising more and eating less—how can I possibly still be the same weight!!!1!!!’ is that muscle weighs more than does fat. So you could be losing fat, but gaining muscle–and remaining the same weight.

That’s what they always tell you. Of course they could just be covering up for the obvious violations of the laws of thermodynamics, probably due to the actions of space aliens or supernatural beings of immense power and malice.

5

Not clear why you posted this in the BBQ Pit forum. Any chance you are eating too much BBQ?

6

Are you using an electronic scale? You should probably put a battery in it and take off the piece of film over the display that has a simulated “185” printed on it. :cool:

7

I think she was typing, “I can’t seem to lose weight, dammit! And thanks to that I can’t get men, goddamned fucking shit fucker on a fucking shit fucking stick!!”, but her finger slipped.

8

I’m less concerned with the men’s disappearance than with my flab’s non-disappearance. I’ve worked with a dietician, hired a personal trainer, and tried various diets, none of which I’ve managed to stick with. I suspect that my microbiome has changed over the last month, and I’m hoping that helps. But, if it were going to do so, wouldn’t I have seen some weight loss by now?

I’ve also read that two of the symptoms of gastritis are early satiation (and stomach pain, if I try to push it) and unexplained weight loss. I feel kind of ripped off that I get the early satiation, but not the weight loss. How is that even possible? WTF?

Begbert2–you nailed it. Thanks! And, even though my Straight Dope location is in your dreams, my location on Planet Earth is NYC. That’s still a pretty long commute, unfortunately.

Sherrerd–if I were losing fat but gaining muscle, I would expect to see changes that reflect that. So far, I’m seeing nothing. But maybe I’m just not very observant.

9

Last time I was in the gym after the first three months I weighed the same, but my waist was 2 inches smaller.

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Ran out of time in the edit window. Begbert2–your reply made me smile!

11

Hmm. I do nah believe in miracles. Get a digital scale and actually count your calories for ten days.

Don’t just sorta change what you eat, but keep a running calorie tab within 5 -10% accuracy. Go down to 1300 calories (take a multi-vitamin and get 40 grams of protein) and stay at 1300 for those ten days. Take at least a couple of walks around the park during that time.

Then I’ll be more impressed.

12

If it weren’t for the way it seems to affect your ability to attract men, which has to be frustrating for obvious reasons, I’d suggest that you just do what you’re doing and be happy with who you are.

For one thing, it sounds like you enjoy being fit and doing the things (like the hikes and bike rides) that keep you fit. If the weight won’t go away, but you’re still healthy and physically that active, I’d say be happy with your fitness and don’t worry about the weight.

(It takes A LOT of exercise to control your weight that way, let alone lose it. Maybe if you’re doing 10K runs every weekend. Before parenthood, I used to routinely do 30-40 mile bike rides on weekends, and it never moved the needle. Exercise for fitness, and because hiking and bike rides and stuff are fun. But don’t expect to lose weight that way.)

It sounds like you’re going in the right direction with respect to diet, and since you like what you’re eating these days, go with it. My only suggestion would be to keep track of what you’re eating when you’re not eating those steamed veggies. Most of us have our little food weaknesses that have more of an effect on our weight than we realize.

But if it weren’t for the guy situation, I’d say just go with what you’re doing and be happy about it.

13

This, and…

…This. It’s really, really easy to miscount calories, and to over- or under-estimate how many calories you’re really taking in. Case in point: I thought the wraps I was making were pretty healthy - mostly veggies. Then I counted, and came out with a whopping 970 calories. Which is bad. Granted, it’s hard to fuck up steamed veggies, but if you’re not losing weight even when seriously underconsuming food and exercising regularly, something really weird is going on and you should probably talk to a doctor. The more likely explanation is that somehow, somewhere, you’re miscounting.

14

An amazing number of people believe they have defied the laws of thermodynamics and can’t lose weight no matter how much they diet and exercise.

I suggest taking wolfpup’s advice about your scale.

15

You don’t have to count calories. Losing weight is simple - only eat when you’re actually hungry (don’t just eat because it’s “time to eat” or you’re bored or food is available), eat slowly, and stop when you’re satisfied. Eating slowly is important so that you don’t eat too much before you recognize that you’re satisfied. Do this and you’ll be surprised at how little you eat each day.

Note that I said it’s simple. I didn’t say it’s easy. Not overeating is hard because food is so easy to come by and much of it is full of sugar or carbohydrates which are easily converted to sugar. Sugar starts a cycle which makes you feel hungry when you really aren’t.

16

any chance your scale is just broken and stuck @ 185?

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Groundhog Day II: The Scale?

18

Start drinkin’ more beer. That number will change! :wink:

19

I was the same way for 20 years after college. Stayed between 178 and 182 no matter what I did. In the last year I’m up to 190. I don’t know what has changed. Maybe turning 45.

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I was always about 165 to 175, but I quit smoking in my earlier thirties, advanced into middle age, and fell in love with beer and cheese in my later thirties. I now hover around 185 but can easily go to 200.

What I’ve noticed now that I pay attention to weight as I continue to age, is if I am not counting calories, then I am not being very serious about losing weight.

I don’t care about dieticians, diets, and the rest, it is thermodynamics and if you are taking in fewer calories than you are expending, you will lose weight. But you have to count, human beings have the universe’s best-known capacity to be full of shit, and if you are not tracking consistently and honestly, then your full-of-shitness will make you think things like you are defying the laws of thermodynamics.

Knowing human psychologically and physics, if you are not counting all your calories going in and going out, then you are not serious about changing your weight.

If you are getting into the habit of exercising and love it, then keep on loving it. When you are ready to really lose weight it’ll help tremendously.

If you are learning about foods and their contribution to your gut and enjoy, then enjoy it. When you are ready to really lose weight it’ll help tremendously.

Learn to cook too, and it’ll help tremendously when you are ready to take off 30-40 lbs over the course of 2 - 3 years by watching your calories, developing good habits, and doing the things you enjoy when you eat and workout.