i walkecd home from a bar with awesome music the dj was playing some of the things i liked and reqyestedd, his girlfriend was too skinny but still hot and prolly his ideal. he took his hobby and tur4end it into a situation that helped him lesson 1.
i spent 50 ish dollars on stupid beer tonight that i didnt need. i am now broke again. iodofjiasofnkawspojfgnwqpjfnwpfjn3qpnj fuck.
while walking home i looked into the night sky and decided there is not a superior intelligence watching over us from the heavens. if there were he wouldnt be letting us fall into such an extreme level of decay and destructuib, unless he were more like a kid with a magnigying glass over an antill… then he might b3e just watching us to see how fast we fuck ourselves up.
this chair is so uncomfortable
why do we exist. are we just smarte3r than average germs?
primary concerns: consume… excrete… survive… reproduce… fuck maslows heirarchy of fyucking anything just THINK ABOUT IT… v
why sm i here wny do i exist what is the reason what is the purpose what came before me what will come agyer me what happened that lead to me existence do i even really exist or am i just a collection of instictgs and memories and experiences and random things nature threw together qwhen my dad came inside my mom and i won the lottery of lief.
how many eggs r inside a pair of human ovaries? how many lil jisms r inside a fat nut? let alone the mind blowing number of david shwimmers inside a pair of nuts over the course of the human male lifetime. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
am i a lucky lottery winner than happened to be the result of a random time and place sperm plus just the right ovarian egg that happened to come out as me with all my quirks and tendancies? or would any combination of al and traceys dna have lead to the same eventuality with my same values and hopes and dreams and stunning staggering fucking failures?
i am aprox one third finished my life. i am aprox fifteen thousand dollars in debt. i owe by penalty of who the fuck knows what a shitfuckcocktitspissdickshit ton of money to some faceless corporation… som other human just like myself… wait so does that mean this he or she also began as a jism explosion with a random david shwimmwer meeting w2ith a lucky lottery winner ovarian offering and became a fetus which became a larger fetus which was born into a baby that became FUCK MY FAN IS TOO LOUD AND MY DESK IS SOOOO MESSY a child that was raised by JUST THE RIGHT TY0PE OF FUCKING PARENTS that taught this person the values that led him to want to persue uhhhh banking? investments? the study of money in general? how the fuck do u even get started in this shit? im sure everyone struggling to pay for food every month would love to know.
i am so tired i dongt even wanna think about this anymore. we are all stuck. we r stuck here and we cannot leave
we cannot move
we cnaoot progress
we cannot dream. at least not logically anyway.
all we have to do is loko around us at the evidence. if it were possible to become betet and lift ouurselces from shit to riches and happiness then there wouldnt be so many fucking homesless bum townie rotten tooth tattooed baby carriage pushing ontario works motherfuckers every single goddamn fuckingf day.
that5s how i know its not going to happen, them.
if it were possibnlel they would not only be doing it but once they got up there they would looki back down and tell us how they did it. h
thats wut i would deoo, wouldntr u?
we are allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll fucki8ng slaves slaves sleaves sleaves slaves. all of us. most of us. a ve3ry few prkivelaged were born into the responsibi8lity of owning operating and owing the rest of us.
how do we get out?
how do we escape?
the barternder at the bar responded to “whats new” with “same old shit living the dream”
living the df=ream?
that is a sarcastic/humorous response designed to ashowcase sarcasm and funniness and deflect the true deeper meaning which is her hating life and being pissed that she has nothing to say when someone asks her ‘wuts new’
nothing is new ur still stuck here in this shitass dead end job with no real purpose or direction.
just like the fucking rest of us.
why dont we all just kill ourselves?
what have we to look forward to\==?
exaplain this existence and these thoughts and the reason to live?