I just put a harness on the cat.
With all the threads abounding about lost cats and the debates over indoor vs. outdoor cats, and the thoughts about taking the cat for a walk on a leash, I thought, “Ya know, mebbe Mud WOULD like to go outside for a bit.” And it is rather a nice day and I could use with some fresh air. So somewhere way in the back of my mind, some weird idea popped in and said, “Hey, you have a pretty $10 leash and harness set you bought a couple of years ago, why not use it now!”
Would someone please remind me not to listen to every damn fool idea that pops into my head?
Mud has always been an indoor cat. Normally hates going outside. I’ll take her to the screen door: she’ll sit there looking out the screen, but make any move to open the door and she is outta there like a shot.
Once in awhile, I’ll catch her unaware and actually take her outside onto the doorstoop. Once I finally unhook the claws from my shirt and a 1/2 inch depth of my epidermis, I’ll set her down on the concrete. Kinda funny, watching her sniffing about like “What’s this? And this? And this? Ooooh, can I eat this? WHAT’N THE HELL WAS THAT?! [insert 12 inch standing vertical leap]” (a lizard - you always catch them in the house, so why are you scared right now?). And then she’ll very trepidaciously poke at a blade of grass, wondering if it’s safe to stand on. And step about two inches into the yard, and back up, then put another paw onto the grass, and back away, then actually get three paws onto the grass and step a little bit more, and then finally I snag her off the grass because she doesn’t quite know the horror of fire ants and thank goodness I spotted the mound just in time.
So I figured, this way I can take her out into the yard and walk around the complex without worrying about her getting into something, and keep her from chasing something.
I dig out the harness and the leash. One of those neck and chest harnesses that goes around the neck and the torso connected by adjustable straps on the back and the chest, in a pretty shade of red. The first step is to figure out how to untangle it BEFORE I attempt to put it on her. At this point she is still roaming free (okay, she’s sprawled on the couch, one eye open - she knows something is up, but not quite what…).
Okay, that part goes on top, the legs go through here, and best pull all the straps to their maximum length so I have room to manuever. Both eyes are now open, semi-glazed.
Put down harness. Reach for cat. VOOM. Cat is off like a shot into the bedroom. Startled by invisible dust fairies. Gotta be that. Yeah.
Retrieve cat from bedroom. Get harness. Carry cat and harness back to bedroom: figure I’d best use the bed, so I have a soft surface. Cat begins small quiet growl. Tail is windshield wipering at “light drizzle” rate.
Place cat on the bed holding cat down with one hand. Cat immediately flops onto her side, lessening the exposed area. Lift cat up, cat goes deadweight, except for the tail, which is now smacking me in the arm at “steady rain” pace.
Roll cat onto her stomach and slip harness over her head. Disentangle claws from comforter and slide front leg through. Reroll cat onto stomach. Check arm for tail bruises later (“hurricane force”). Slide other front leg through. Disentangle front claws from left arm. Wonder if dressing a toddler is as difficult as this.
Watch in semi-amusement as cat tries to get out of harness.
- Backs up.
- Walks forward.
- Backs up again.
- Rubs against wall.
- Rolls onto back on rug and squirms.
- Plants head onto floor and does self-aikido flip.
- Rubs against wall again.
- Climb into tub and rub against tub side (she hates the tub).
- Repeat the above and more.
- Give up and crawl onto couch into meatloaf position.
She did eat the salmon-flavored treats I gave her as a peace offering. But I’m still getting the dirty looks. And I’m covering the leather couch with a thick blanket. Just in case.
And only one tiny scratch: not too bad. We’ll be heading out for the walk later today. Once she gets over the indignity and lets me get near her again. No growling, but with those looks, my couch is definitely toast.
