I am NOT lucky

The BBQ Pit
21

Okay.

I get crap like that from people all of the time - one in particular.

I’m a high school graduate. That’s it. I set foot in college once, when I had to stop to go to the bathroom. And yet I have two jobs and an unpaid internship that’s going to turn into a really sweet paying job in a few months. I have my own place and am not living with my parents (I and most of my peers are in the 21 years old age range, so this is a big deal nowadays). I have a GREAT boyfriend, who actually gives a shit about me and respects me, and the reason for that is that I have standards and don’t spread my legs to every male that looks at me. I haven’t relied on my parents for anything other than housing since I was 16 (I paid for my cell phone, most of my food, and all of my toiletries and clothing, since then). I have WORKED MY ASS OFF to get to where I am now; I work two jobs because I like both jobs and I love my internship, but the fact that I’m making more money definitely doesn’t bother me. And I just got word today that I’m now pretty much in charge of video for the Web site of the newspaper I work at and that they want me to work with them when we go broadcast. I have literally slaved away to get to where I am now.

So I resent it when people who live off of mommy and daddy act like I had life handed to me on a silver fucking plate because MY mommy and daddy forced me to learn how to take care of myself. Stop whining, and how about paying for your own God damned apartment instead of having your parents take care of it? I don’t give a shit if you’re in college, you’re a lazy twat and no one likes you. (And yes, I have a specific person in mind; thank God they don’t have the native intelligence to even stumble upon a message board like this one, because I don’t feel like dealing with the drama)

~Tasha (fuming)

22

[QUOTE=Sad and Deranged]
Well, I’m sorry your parents didn’t socialize you better, but believe me, social skills aren’t some sort of prized trait. Everyone has them!!!
[/quote]

See this thread. Some people simply have great difficulty understanding the mechanics of human interaction.

Yes indeed.

23

[QUOTE=kawaiitentaclebeast]
I’m not sure if I’ve parsed everything correctly, but it seems to me that Sad and Deranged is, in fact, Britney Spears.
[/QUOTE]

:dubious: I’m not familiar with Britney Spears and what crazy antics she’s been up to recently. Details please? (Or not, maybe the less I know about BS, the better)

[QUOTE=Uvula Donor]
You’re lucky I read that whole long fucking boring OP.
[/QUOTE]

And you’re lucky… blah blah blah… not wasting a witty comment on you, so instead… fuck off.

[QUOTE=gigi]
Hard work, or being really good at kissing ass?? That can be hard work too, but not the kind that is usually respected. So maybe you’re lucky that you’ve run into people who prize ass kissing and socializing.
[/QUOTE]

Well, by kiss ass, I mean coming into work and saying “Good morning!” to everyone, and bringing in occasional snacks, like doughnuts and cookies, not “Oh, Ms. Boss-Lady, that bright neon green suit you are wearing is very flattering on you!”

[QUOTE=Walter Windchill]
I think it’s a basic human quality to attribute our own success to talent and hard work and the success of other people to luck. Similarly, the failures of others are due to character flaws, but our own failures are unbelievably bad luck.
[/QUOTE]

True enough. What theory behind what you are saying was something that was mentioned in one of my lectures of psychology, but damned if I can remember the official name for this behaviour.

Another aggravating update on said friend:

My SO runs a store that is part of a corporate chain. He knows a few people around the area, and one of the stores close to my friend was hiring. Not that I think she’s the best worker or anything, but I really wanted her to get off my back about not being able to find a job, so I asked my SO if he could pull some strings and just mention her name to the manager of the store that was hiring. He said no problem, and got a hold of the assistant manager who was doing the hiring at the time, and told her to look out for my friend’s name on the resumes. Well, friend speaks to me one month later and asks me if the store is still hiring, and I tell her I don’t know, but she probably missed her chance because the assistant manager has since moved on to become a manager of another store that is not hiring. I told her good luck if she’s applying NOW, and switched the topic to her dogs.

24

[QUOTE=Sad and Deranged]
You tell me that you don’t have any skills in kissing ass… and then make it seem like I’m some sort of blessed person with social skills. Well, I’m sorry your parents didn’t socialize you better, but believe me, social skills aren’t some sort of prized trait. Everyone has them!!!
[/quote]
No, they don’t. And anyway, if the reason that you have social skills and your friend doesn’t is because “[their] parents didn’t socialize [them] better”, then you got lucky. Not very lucky, since parents who socialize their children are pretty common, but lucky. Or did you choose your parents?

I’m on board with the rest of your OP, though.

25

Luck played a huge part in getting me where I am today. I blindly applied for teaching positions, and since I’ve come to understand my area and the profession over the last 5 years, it’s become pretty obvious that where I am is the best place I could be–and I picked it out of several job offers because it was the quickest drive. Teaching in general was a huge lucky break for me–there’s a career with a clear cut career path that fits exactly my passions, talents, and neurosis, where many people I went to school for have been looking for that for a decade now. I have a solid relationship with a great man who is well suited to me–and I’m really weird. There aren’t that many people that would be well suited.

Of course, I’ve made the as much as I could of the opportunities I’ve had, but I don’t think somehow that everyone magically has the same number of opportunities–the world isn’t fair.

That said, bitching is never attractive, and worrying about what others have isn’t productive, and their seems to be little coorolation between actual bad luck and people who think they are tragically unlucky. So I totally sympathize with the OP. But acknowledging how lucky I, personally, know I have been is my own little charm against bad luck.

26

Well, certainly I think of myself as more priviledged than others. Such as when my parents let me stay with them rent free while I was in school, my parents encouraging me to take my education seriously when I was younger, that little bit of luck required when my boss hired me instead of someone else. All those little circumstances gave me the chance to work hard. However, my frind griping about how much luck I have and how little she has is just… URRRRRGGGHHHH!! I’ve met some people truly down on their luck, and a spoiled little brat whose parents let her live with them rent free, food free, car free, AND gas free makes me want to strangle her… or at least not speak to her again. I mean, the resolution I have with this situation now is try to avoid talk about personal issues as much as possible, but then it just leaves a superficial friendship if all we’re talking about are cars and dogs.

27

Luck had everything to do with where I am today. I have to admit I feel a little guilty about it sometimes, especially when I read the stories of those who had to bust their asses all their lives to get what was essentially handed to me.

I was born into a privledged family and I married a man who makes a good living. I have a very fulfilling job, but it pays so little there’s no way I could work there if I had to support myself. (I’m not educated, so I’d probably end up working a McJob otherwise.)

So, what can I say when a friend says they’re envious? I have no defense. And, yes, “defense” is probably the right word because people respect those who have struggled and succeeded against the odds. I’ve done nothing to deserve what I have. I’m not even all that great of a person, so I can’t even claim it’s a karmic reward.

28

[QUOTE=Lissa]
So, what can I say when a friend says they’re envious?
[/QUOTE]

I find that “Sucks to be you,” usually works in those situations.

29

The golfer Gary Player: “The more I practise, the luckier I get.”

That says it all.

30

Y’know, luck has everything to do with where and when you’re born. Would the OP be so confident in his/her own sense of capability if pitted against someone who was born in Somalia (for example) into a family ridden with poverty, illiteracy and ill health?

Sometimes people just don’t know how lucky they are. :rolleyes:

31

[QUOTE=glee]
The golfer Gary Player: “The more I practise, the luckier I get.”

That says it all.
[/QUOTE]

Branch Rickey: “Luck is the residue of design”

32

You know, I will reserve judgement on you attributing your success entirely to hard work until life hands you a reversal of fortune. You are young; 23-24, right? Do you really think things are going to keep going up, so long as you continue to work hard? No bumps in your road, because you are so industrious? So what happens when your fortunes dip? Your company goes bankrupt, your chosen field becomes obsolete, the economy tanks or you become sick? Is that due to your lack of hard work? Or is it just “bad luck” ? I am 52 years old, and I have never heard of a single successful person who got where they are on hard work alone. All success is due to a combination of hard work and good fortune; it is exceedingly rarely to be successful without both. Anyone who tries to tell me different is either full of themselves or selling something. I would be very interested to see if you have the same opinions in 30 years.

33

Most people work hard, some do not. Some people are lucky beyond the law of averages, most are not. Most of those who participate in this message board were also born into extremely favorable circumstances, compared to the average, some were not. What our own hard work avails us depends on fortune (let’s define that as circumstances that significantly influence our lives and over which we or someone interested in us have/has no direct control), and on top of all that, a lot of our good fortune depends on how hard someone else (parents, grandparents, teachers, bosses, co-workers, etc.) works or worked. Everyone has a certain amount of luck and hard work in them, but not the same amounts, and luck and hard work affect everyone, but not to the same degree.

The two things we can be truly egalitarian about, if we choose to, are our humility about our accomplishments and our gratitude for our good fortune. It’s unbecoming to both the successful and the stuggling to be stingy with either.

34

[QUOTE=Fear Itself]
You know, I will reserve judgement on you attributing your success entirely to hard work until life hands you a reversal of fortune. You are young; 23-24, right? Do you really think things are going to keep going up, so long as you continue to work hard? No bumps in your road, because you are so industrious? So what happens when your fortunes dip? Your company goes bankrupt, your chosen field becomes obsolete, the economy tanks or you become sick? Is that due to your lack of hard work? Or is it just “bad luck” ? I am 52 years old, and I have never heard of a single successful person who got where they are on hard work alone. All success is due to a combination of hard work and good fortune; it is exceedingly rarely to be successful without both. Anyone who tries to tell me different is either full of themselves or selling something. I would be very interested to see if you have the same opinions in 30 years.
[/QUOTE]

I don’t know about the OP’s life in 30 years, but I’m 47 and I have been through what you describe above a few times.

And I do attribute it to hard work. I was raised in a very poor family and despite not going to college and marrying a bum of a man I ended up having to support by working minimum wage jobs (stupid choice on my part, I thought I wanted to be a SAHM), after my divorce I worked my way up to a really good union job in my twenties. I lost that good union job when I wasn’t much older than the OP, and the next 5-7 years were a horrible struggle of clawing my way back up, including a bout with gasp Public Assistance, working three part time jobs, raising two kids, and going back to school.

There have been many other “bumps” and stumbles on my way to where I am now. I have my own condo, a comfortable living and a decent job, and am only just now finishing up my degree. Luck had nothing to do with where I am, and where I am going. God likely has, but luck? Hell no.

35

[QUOTE=CanvasShoes]
Luck had nothing to do with where I am, and where I am going. God likely has, but luck? Hell no.
[/QUOTE]
God, or any other supernatural force beyond your control, is indistinguishable from luck. God and His mysterious ways are just another word for luck. If you attribute any part of your success to God, then it wasn’t all due to your hard work, was it? How about all the people who work hard all their lives, and die brokenhearted? If hard work was all it took, there would be a lot more successful people.

36

[QUOTE=Fear Itself]
God, or any other supernatural force beyond your control, is indistinguishable from luck. God and His mysterious ways are just another word for luck. If you attribute any part of your success to God, then it wasn’t all due to your hard work, was it? How about all the people who work hard all their lives, and die brokenhearted? If hard work was all it took, there would be a lot more successful people.
[/QUOTE]

Except that my beliefs are not such. I do not believe that luck = God. You do, I don’t, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that part.

At any rate what does brokenhearted have to do with success? I’m still pretty damned brokenhearted and I am reasonably successful. I don’t believe that it’ll get that much better as I become even more successful The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

When I say success, I mean material, career, or financial success. And there are varying degrees of it. I’m certainly not at some high pinnacle, but I’m very comfortable.

Romantic success on the other hand, well I believe that that has more to do with luck, though it still takes hard work to KEEP up, than does career and financial success. Which is, btw, what the OP was talking about.

It is a matter of making the right choices (part of working hard, as right choices aren’t often easy to make) in one’s life that gets one to a place of being successful financially as well as personally.

When I made bad choices in my life, I was in a pretty bad way for a long time, until I got myself out of it. Any able bodied, able minded person has the same choices and opportunities to make choices that will put them at a successful place in life.

That’s never going to guarantee that they’re free of heartbreak, it happens to the richest people in the world (Lindberghs, for example), so I don’t really understand what that part has to do with the OP.

37

[QUOTE=The King of Soup]
The two things we can be truly egalitarian about, if we choose to, are our humility about our accomplishments and our gratitude for our good fortune. It’s unbecoming to both the successful and the stuggling to be stingy with either.
[/QUOTE]

Beautifully put–I couldn’t agree more.

Luck definitely plays a role in success, but I think many people think of luck as having something good just drop in your lap. More often luck is being able to see an opportunity early on and take advantage of it.

I read an article about “lucky people” recently, and one thing that stuck with me from it was that those people frequently change their routines, try different stuff, etc. I guess the idea is that doing something outside your comfort zone might make you more aware of the opportunities that show up, or force you to look at your own situation differently.

My advice for you, Sad and Derange: don’t be afraid to let that relationship slip away. It’s always sad to see friends go, but if you’re not doing anything but listening to her complaints, it’s time for it to end. You can’t force her to change her approach to life–she’ll have to figure that one out on her own.

38

[QUOTE=CanvasShoes]
Any able bodied, able minded person has the same choices and opportunities to make choices that will put them at a successful place in life.

[/QUOTE]

Are you sure you want to make such a sweeping statement as this? :dubious:

Because in my life experience, a helluva lot of ‘where you end up in life’ is dependent upon factors totally out of the control of the average person. As I mentioned before, you are lucky just to be born in the right country in the first place, but even being born into a poor rural family is going to affect one’s opportunities. Attending an overcrowded, poorly resourced urban school is going to give you a different outcome, both in occupational aspirations AND results to being a student at a prestigious private school. Being lucky enough to inherit ‘pretty’ genes opens the doors of success much more readily than those who are unattractive or disfigured in some way.

Living in a home where ‘success’ is praised and valued is more likely to develop individuals who seek success, as opposed to a family where unemployment and reliance upon welfare is the norm. Of course, stuff like books, computers, culturally enriching activities are more freely available in the former family, so the individual is going to be in a better position to capitalise on their quest for success anyway.

There’s a million variables, and sometimes strugglers get lucky, and sometimes those with advantages fuck up and lose the lot.

And, yes, hard work matters, otherwise there would be NO tales of ‘rags-to-riches’ and everybody’s life-course would be a statistical certainty from birth. However, to discount psycho/socio/economic realities, especially for those who claim that because THEY have done it then EVERYBODY can do it is just ignorant.

39

Fear Itself has illustrated my opinion very astutely. All I can say, is that from my own experience, that no matter how hard you work, plan or prepare against disaster, it can always turn your world upside down at a moment’s notice. And do it again once you’ve regained your footing. Then again, and again and again ad nauseum.

But despite being constantly at the bottom of my own barrel, I do indeed feel very lucky that I wasn’t born in a third world country, to a molesting father, or as a quadriplegic and so forth. All but for cosmic design, there’s no telling what end of misery could’ve been heaped on my head that would make my current situation look like child’s play.

40

[QUOTE=CanvasShoes]
Any able bodied, able minded person has the same choices and opportunities to make choices that will put them at a successful place in life.
[/QUOTE]

I simply don’t agree with that. Some people don’t have those choices or opprotunites.

Yes, you had to be smart and work hard, but you had advantages that many people don’t have. Likely, you had parents who taught you to have a strong work ethic and how to manage your money. At the very least, they seem to have taught you social skills and how to behave in the working world.

Did your parents teach you to value education? Did they encourage you to want to better yourself? Did they teach you to obey rules and respect the law? Did they give you medical and dental care so that you started your adult life with all of your teeth and with reasonable health? Did you have a wardrobe suitable for work and transportation to get you there? Are you white and well-groomed?

These traits do not appear from nowhere. We’re not born with an instinct of how to find gainful employment and live within our means, nor do we know automatically how to have a polite conversation in the business world. (“What do you want?” is a perfectly legitimate question. It’s only through social training that we learn to say, “How may I help you?” instead.) Nor does the apple often fall far from the tree. A lot of people stay within the same socio-economic bracket in which they were born. Yeah, there are success stories, but we remember them because they’re unusual.