I am now a tool of The Man

Hey there all. As you may or may not know I am a university student. I am also not very well-off financially, so I have to work very hard and also get student loans and scholarships. This summer I was lucky enough to be selected for a couple of sizeable scholarships.
Well, today I went down to the university for a publicity shoot. Basically, the organization that I got one of the scholarships from wants some shots of me and their president for their national and local magazines. Fair enough, just make sure you get the name right on the check. Well, I’m being a little harsh now. I was, and am, very grateful to them, as I would not have been able to attend otherwise.
Well, anyway, I got down there and met up with the publicist. She was very nice, telling me how glad she was that I could make it. Then she asked if I would like to see my quote in the news release. I thought that maybe she had taken something from my thank-you letter. But then I looked at the press release and found, basically:

“The reason I applied,” said University studen silent_rob, “Is because of the association’s support of fine arts and leadership roles in the community.”

Hmmm, I thought, that would have been a good thing for to have said. It’s just too bad that I didn’t say it. But I, like the obediant lap dog I am, said, “Yeah, that’s fine.” After all, I need the money. Then, the president got there, made some of the obligatory chit-chat, smiled for the “congratulations” pictures, and the publicist complemented me on my smile. “Why, thank you,” I said, with a pleasing tone. Then they said how if I ever needed anything, anything at all, make sure to give them a call. Then the Prez invited me to a luncheon. Just a little informal thing, to meet some of the members. I said, why thank you, I’d just have to check my shhhchedule, and I’d get back to him. He said, no need, they’ll be in touch with me.
I felt as though I was being initiated. Next thing you know I’ll be wearing Pepsi logos on my jacket, and Wonderbread pants. Even my underwear will be made by General Electric. Not that I’m complaining. I mean, I need bread, Pepsi’s okay, and we all need hair dryers. So, if anyone need anything, remember, silent_rob is your corporate whore. :smiley:

One of my favorite corporate whores! :smiley:

silent_rob dances around singing, “I’m one of Audrey’s favourite corporate whores. Wooo hooo!” :slight_smile:

Hey Audrey, you need a blender or something. Maybe a dozen loafs of bread. I know people. :wink:

Just wait. Because of cutbacks in the NEA, if you are trying to make a living in the arts, you’ll have to get kneepads! :smiley:

Free Kraft dinners! With “Dijon ketchups!”

Kneepads? No problem. After all, whenever I need kneepads, I just call on my good friends at:
Proknee. Makers of fine kneepads since 1989.

And Audrey, that’s no problem. I just talked to my friends at Kraft, and it’s all good. The Dijon Ketchup was a little bit harder, but I did it. Look for this brand new special ketchup in stores in October. Seriously!
Green Ketchup

They used to have gormet Ketchup, but that was discontinued. But I, being the corporate whore that I am, said, “Hey, why not try something different. Why not…green.” After all, it is the colour of money. :smiley:

You’re really getting into this corporate whore thing, aren’t you?

Soon, we’ll be able to find you at http://www.corporate-whore.com!:smiley:

[Homer] Mmmmmm… Wonderbread pants… [/Homer]

Trust me, you do not want underwear made by General Electric.

I’d rather have underwear made by General Electric than Firestone. Premature blowout can be a serious problem.

Just remember and ask to see the actual Miracle Whip jar before you take a bite.

[Beavis]Heheheh, heheheh, he said…“tool” Heheheh hehehe heheheh…

That green ketchup looks truly disgusting Rob. I would not eat it in a house, I would not eat it with a mouse. I would not ea…

Yeah, I know what you mean. I was reading up on it, and apparently they thought about going with blue first, and then changed their minds thinking green was more appetizing. I really can’t see it. It reminds me of a slime of some sort. Though, being the corporate whore that I am, I wouldn’t say that to them, “Yes sir, it does look good. Oh you want me to try some? Sorry, I’m on a diet.” :slight_smile:

Yes, a blowout in that region would definitely be a downer. Much worse than GE giving you a shock. At least then you get a tingling afterwards.

Hmmm, Audrey that’s a good idea. I’ll have to check and see if the domain is free.

Running dog lackey of the imperialist bourgeoisie! Have you no shame? While the proletariat masses are being oppressed, you have no more spine than to jump on the capitalist bandwagon and scrabble in the mud for filthy lucre with the rest of the suits and ties! When the putsch comes and you are confronted with the fury of The People, don’t come crying to me.

The People? Let them eat cake.