No, not that way…well, possibly that way. It depends on who you ask. But in any case, that is not the disturbed I’m talking about.
I am disturbed because I have no sense of time right now. My life has always had structure. I get up. I go to school or work. I go home. I clean,cook,study,play computer games. I go to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.
On April 5th, my structure fell apart. I had surgery. Since then, I have spent most of my time lying on my couch or my bed. I also take walks. Lots of walks. Lots and lots of walks. I’ve spent time with my fiancee’s family, especially his grandfather who, sadly, probably wont live past this week.
Up until 45 minutes ago, I could have sworn that this was my last week before returning to work. I’ve been so looking forward to it (proof that I might actually be truly disturbed). But something wasn’t quite right. My followup appointment is on the first Friday in May. But, I haven’t received my third paycheck for April yet so this Friday must still be in April. If that’s the case, I still have two full weeks before my followup.
I have no clue what day today is. I feel like I’ve been lying on this couch for a full month but it turns out to only be slightly less than 3 weeks. It’s 6:30 am and I just got back from another walk. I couldn’t sleep see. Because of the confusion. I just can’t wrap my mind around the dates. I was so sure this was my last week. I’m still confused about the whole thing. I’ll probably be back at work for 3 or 4 weeks before I figure out what month it is.
Of course, I’m sure the drugs aren’t actually helping my mental state right now. Apparently Percs and Soma combined can lead to very bad dizziness and headaches. I must admit, the dizziness is actually pretty fun 
. I imagine this is what it feels like to be stoned. But it’s not all fun and games. The headaches are keeping me from sleeping.
Another problem is the strange connections my mind is making right now. Every time I take my Soma, I think of Brave New World. For some reason, that makes me think of 1984. Then, I start getting all paranoid, thinking people are consipring against me. I’ve never been delusional before. Then again, maybe I’m not delusional. Maybe people really are conspiring against me. After all, why else would daytime TV suck as bad as it does? It must be a conspiracy.
Ya know, I never spent this much time with myself before. I think I like myself better when I’m busy. I’m just too strange when I have this much time to myself.
The one clear thought in my head right now is it’s a good thing I get more vacation time on June 1. After I get off disability, I’m going to need a vacation to recover.