One of the many downsides of this problem is that I have no friends to commiserate with. I had what I thought were a lot of friends, once upon a time. Some were the ex’s, so she got them in the breakup many moons ago. Others drifted away. Some moved. I moved too, and the physical distance eventually translated into an emotional one. I tried keeping in contact with some, even if they became like strangers to me, their emails like a Christmas mailing list catching me up with their family members, their spouses & children, some of whom I had never even met.
I moved from a northern, semi-liberal city to a small southern city, and failed to make besties right away, which was unfortunate. I quickly came down with a disease that, at first, made it difficult to go out and meet people, then to hold a full-time job, then to hold a part time job. After years of caring for my sick mother, and a lot of time in and out of the hospital myself, I now I spend most of my time in a wheelchair, without the money or means to go anywhere. I haven’t dated in 15 years, and I never will again.
I have one real friend left, whom I’ve known for 30 years. He, somewhat ironically, lives in that semi-liberal northern city. Best friends. We got along great, vacationed together, etc. Like brothers from another mother. He started listening to talk radio in the 90’s, and then when Sept 11th happened, he went full Fox News. I wasn’t political at the time, but he’s my friend, so I started listening to Rush and the local Rush wanna-be, then later, watching Glenn Beck. Whereas he bought into them wholeheartedly, I did not. I found holes in their logic, leaps of logic, assumptions, etc. They were angry, and wanted me to be angry too, but they never sold me on it.
Our political divide has been problematic for a long time, and the physical one probably doesn’t help either. Sometimes it’s just hard to fully communicate when you’re not in-person. About 10 years back, we had yet another argument and I cut off contact, exasperated, feeling at last that it was a lost cause. Our worldview had diverged too much, and I grew tired of him arguing viewpoints I thought he should have dismissed as foolish at best, politically/economically motivated lies at worst. A couple years later, for reasons, we started talking again. It went pretty well, but I tried to insist that we not talk about politics. Unfortunately, it seems now that EVERYTHING is politics, and he supports our president, whereas I am no fan of his. He keeps bringing up sensitive political subjects - which again, seems to be everything these days - and getting mad when I ask him to stop, or I argue with him. He says I’m, “triggered.”
He has his beliefs, I have mine. I take great pains to not bring up mine, but him, not so much. I feel like we make each other miserable. When we avoid politics, we still get along great, be we can’t for long. If one of us doesn’t tell the other to piss off soon, I think were just gonna drift apart anyway. I don’t want this, but short of letting him spout incorrect/potentially damaging nonsense uncontested (something I’m morally against), I’m limited in options. I don’t know what’s worse - continuing with this sad shell of a once-great friendship, or cutting things off and going it alone. Neither are appealing.
So there you go. My bitch-fest. Thanks for being my. . .surrogate? Single serving? . . . friend.
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