a) Did your neighbors ever complain to you directly before write-up number 1? If so, they probably figured you’ve already used up all the neighborly goodwill in that area.
b) No one really knows how loud something is to another person, or in another apartment. When my son is downstairs practicing guitar, my wife and I truly don’t hear anything except an occasional thump of a low note. But if we walk out to the back yeard, we can hear every note clearly for at least 100 feet.
c) Little noises add up to a lot of noise. Let’s say you’re conversing normally. Add another person conversing at the same level, and the total noise is a little louder. Then add a third person (still at the same level) and not only is it louder, but now it’s more likely not to have any natural pauses or breaks. By the time you have seven people in an enclosed space, normal conversation, a few laughs and loud exclamations, someone who walks heavy (there’s always someone whose walk sounds like a pile driver to the people downstairs) a little music and so on, the actual noise is more like a din.
d) Bass noises are incredibly irritating to anyone who isn’t actively listening to the music. The right bass notes seem to get into the actual framework of the building and turn an entire room into a resonant chamber.
e) 10:30 on a Friday night may not be excessively late, but when I had to get up at 3:45 a.m. to get to work, that meant I would have been trying to get to sleep for more than an hour while you and your friends were partying. We actually had friends of ours move out of the apartment next door after only a month (the landlord agreed to break their lease) because his shift ended at 1:00 a.m. and mine began at 4:45 and we were waking each other up. you say there are “many family variety” types in your building. Do some of them have young children? When I had young children, when they were sick or cranky or overstimulated, getting them to sleep was a struggle and the last thing I wanted after that was for them to be awakened by someone else’s stereo.
Address it head on. Talk to your neighbor in a non-confrontational manner.
Given that you are living next to this person and you both have the ability to make each other’s life miserable, you both have much to gain by cooperating with one another.
I just moved into a new place and one of the first nights I was there, my neighbors were playing darts (and cheering) on a shared wall til 3 in the morning. I was fucking pissed, but I made a point to calm the hell down and be pleasant and understand that they’re not out to hassle anybody, they’re just having a good time. I asked if they wanted to come into my apartment to hear how it sounds. They did and were apologetic and stopped. A few days later, I slipped a card under their door saying (1) how nice it was of them to be so cooperative, (2) told them that I might be loud at times too, so they should feel free about letting me know - and gave them my phone number (3) and gave them a Blockbuster gift card: since I cut their entertainment short that night, I am making a good faith effort to give them some entertainment in exchange.
So far this has worked for two different neighbor situations. I submit myself to the terms I want them to follow. If they’re decent folks, they will return the good faith. The fact that I put some monetary gift into the mix is that much more pressure to compel them to comply. A bribe by any other name is still a bribe. But it’s been working.
You’re neighbors: you don’t get everything your way, they don’t get everything their way. Just try to get some neighborly vibes into the mix. That may work better if you can make a good-will gift as a genuine effort to make ammends.
Unfortunately, even if you buy a house, you have to contend with neighbors, unless you buy a house in the middle of 100 acres in Iowa.
I’m not really complaining about my neighbors, because they’re very nice people, all of them, and after living 17 years in various apartments, I absolutely, 100% prefer having a house and property.
But there have been times when the family on the one side of us have been rather noisy, and it was slightly irritating. I never said anything, because they were just out playing in their own yard, and it was spirited and loud, and it irritated me because I was tired and just wanted some peace and quiet. I sucked it up and didn’t ruin their fun, and no harm done.
And the neighbors on the other side of us have college-aged kids, and once or twice every summer, at ungodly hours of the morning, we hear the kids and their friends on their front porch. It’s obvious they’ve had some drinks, and it doesn’t get rowdy, they just tend to talk too loudly. Our houses are close together, and we sleep with our windows open, too. But again, I haven’t said anything. It’s not a chronic problem, so I grumble about it to my wife and get on with life.
And since I’ve hosted RibFest the past two years in my own yard, and none of my neighbors have complained about the people parading all over my yard, it’s a good trade-off.
Having your own house is definitely better, but it’s not a cure-all.
When I was last a renter around 12 years ago, the landlord had a rule about this. If there is a neighbor dispute, the tenant that has been there the longest is generally going to win. He did break this rule once for the idiot drunk in one of the units who had disputes with everyone.
Maybe it’s me but there is no fucking way I am going to confront a room full of people who I don’t know when there has been drinking going on. I could get cool people who will apologize and not make another peep or I could get the shit beat out of me. Of course, if they have put a note on my door saying that there will be people over and to please come by if there is a noise problem, I will not have an issue with letting them know.
I don’t think this applies here but it is something to consider when you are co-existing under one roof.
We lived in a high rise apartment building for about a year. I was a very considerate neighbor using many of the techniques described above to keep noise at a minimum and still enjoy my home. One morning I found the following note on my door:
“Will you please stop hammering late at night! Some of us are trying to sleep!”
What!? I don’t even hammer during the day. Hey, I don’t even hammer!
I went to the front desk and discussed the problem. They investigated that day and found that the plumbing on the floor above me was whacky and indeed it did appear that “hammering” was coming from the direction of my apartment. They fixed the problem. I wrote explanatory notes to all the neighbors on the floor above me.
I added a handwritten note on the bottom:
“And to the person who left the note on my door – next time have the courtesy to identify yourself and we can talk it out – my phone number is …”
Not long after I moved into one of my previous places I got really annoyed by the neighbour who was doing DIY early in the morning and waking me. The next time it happened I got up and went to investigate, determined to sort them out.
This reminds me of the time my neighbor called the apartment manager and complained that me and my husband were fighting. They called me, and told me about it, and said that we shouldn’t.
I almost cried. I said that me and my husband did not fight, and that I couldn’t imagine when my neighbor had heard any such thing. I couldn’t believe that she had complained to my apartment manager about us fighting.
After I hung up, I told me husband about it and he was furious. The thing was that we were surrounded by old people. We would play soft music, like classical, at a low level and still get those people hitting the wall between us and yelling. We couldn’t do a thing after 8 PM because of those people. And now they were telling our apartment manager that we were fighting!
I went to all of our neighbors and told them that if they had a problem with us, they should come to us and not the apartment manager. Every one of them denied that they had called. However, they didn’t complain about anything after that.
I was scared and upset because I thought that the next time whichever neighbor heard anything they would call the police and tell them that we were fighting. And who knows what the police would have done.
Let me stress here that we were NOT fighting. We do NOT yell. There is NO abuse in our little family unit. Someone in my family had an abusive relationship, and I swore that would never happen to me, and it hasn’t. And yet these idiots could have called the police and made up something and me and my husband would have been questioned and humiliated.
I think you need to talk to your neighbors too. Put a human face on whatever behavior they have been complaining about. Also, I really like the video camera idea. You can always use it as proof later.