A little bit more to add creedence to the idea of finding DNA in feces… recently, I saw an interesting show on Discovery Science about a couple of biologists (one a skeptic, one a believer) searching for a rumoured giant ground sloth in the Amazon rainforest. They never found it, but they did find some feces which was taken back and analyzed and the DNA present showed it to be an anteater… therefore, DNA is present in mammal feces.
you deserve recognition for that. THAT was funny!
It’s just a hypothetical “what if”, or a “can a criminal be convicted on the basis of waste byproduct evidence?” question. Nobody is asking how to commit crimes, and nobody is telling anybody how to do it. Nor is anybody looking for ways to break the law.
What? WHAT?? I’m the only one here who’s dying to know what he was writing???
The School Fight Song?
The Defectation of Incontinence, signed and sealed in 1776 by the Incontinental Congress?
Mein Krampf, by Hitler?
Scat’s Cradle, by Scat Stevens?
Gross To The Edge, by YES?
Only The Turd Dies Young, by Billy Joel?
Stinkchronicity, by The Police?
Urine The Money, from an unrememberable Broadway Show?
Let It Smear, by The Beatles?
Owner Of A Lonely Fart, by YES?
Cinnamon, by the Butthole Surfers?
Cartooniverse
Not to mention the fact that asking a question like “Can someone tell me the correct procedure for leaving a steaming turd-pile on my neighbor’s sofa?” is a whole lot closer to the realm of ridiculous and pathetic than to the realm of illegal and dangerous.
Plus, feces are inherently funny, and Napster is not.
Actually people leaving fecal matter behind as a “calling card” isn’t that unusual and is a symptom of mental illness according to a mental health professional I spoke to once.
It happened at the library where I work. Somebody sneaked in and slept over in the library and used the curtains as TP. It wasn’t pretty.
I’d say a steaming pile of shit in the middle of my living room is a heck of a lot more dangerous than a copy of Napster in the middle of my living room…
The second part of your post, however, is both true and very funny in and of itself.
Considering your boasting nature, I feel the need to ask one question:
Was there carpet on the floor, or was the house still under construction?
Tripler
Because a stain would be a pain in the ass (pun intended)!
In the book No Left Turns, a former FBI agent recounts an incident in which a turd was discovered on J. Edgar Hoover’s back porch. He demanded that the FBI Lab analyze the material in order to identify the culprit.
The lab was able to, er, get to the bottom of it. Based on the compositon of the turd, they determined that it had come from a raccoon…
My friend was a University RA - one of the people on her floor got wasted and shit (shat?) in the middle of the floor. At least it was her own room. She left res about a week later, haveing spoken to not many people in the intermediate time.
Just thought I’d share… 
I just got here and I have to 2nd Whammo’s motion - that shit is funny!
Yeah man, it’s not like anybody’s giving detailed instructions for making hash brownies or nothin’ . . .
. . . or creating zombies, which I’m sure must still be illegal in some states . . .
Can’t you just see your friends here turning you in after this airs on “Unsolved Mysteries”???
Who shat in the hat?
Apparently, a town in England is trying to enforce pooper-scooper laws by getting DNA samples from stray dog turds and comparing them to their doggie database. 'Course, it seems that donation of each pooch’s hair as a DNA sample is still voluntary, illustrating the problem with all this that flyboy88 points out.
What about this: The FBI could match your “sample” with your supermarket purchases if you use an electronic payment system. You probably buy a reasonably individual set of groceries each week - like every week I buy soya milk and the same kind of bread and yoghurt and cheese. I stick with the same brands more or less and pay with EFTPOS. I believe that if it’s possible to store information permanently about what I consume then that will be the case - it is likely to be happening. So, there you go - if analysis showed your excrement was made of Fruit Loops, Big Macs, Carrot Cake and Budweiser (1999) and you had, in fact, bought these items, it would be “give me the keys you cocksucking motherfucker” time for you. Does that work?
And here I was thinking “Drive-by shitting”
Apparently, the new technology is such that we will be made to swipe our ATM cards through our buttocks cheeks before swiping the reader. That way, our DNA is processed simultaneously.
( Note to any and all check out persons on this Board. My apologies )
Cartooniverse
I don’t think the Hamilton Repeat Defecator was capable of such erudition, Cartooniverse. As far as I know, the only work he was referencing was Paint it Black.
Anyone else think of Scylla’s daughter after reading the OP? Hee hee hee!