… and I didn’t even know it.
Aparently I have been driving without a drivers license for 4 years. You see I had a ‘license’, but not a license.
Flashback to four years ago*
Wolfman walks into DMV. Wolfman waits for a long time. Wolfman goes up to counter. Wolfman fills out paperwork, looks into expensive viewmaster, and stands in front of screen. Wolfman writes check, and hands it to clerk, clerk hands ‘license’ to wolfman. Wolfman goes on with life’
Present day Denver
A couple months ago I went online to get my driver’s license. A couple days ago I got something in the mail that says they were unable to process it. So I call up and ask. I get the simple response that I can’t renew a license I don’t have. WTF? so I drive on down to talk to somebody.
After about 2.5 hours of waiting I finally am granted an audience His Royal Officiousness.
“I would like to get this renewed” says I, handing him my ‘license’.
Peck, peck, hmmmmm, peck, peck, scratch,peck peck peck, hmmmmmmm…
“I can’t do a renew because you don’t have a license” says he. “You’ve never had a Colorado license.”
Once again I refer to the laminated piece of plastic with my name, picture, discusion of bodily organ preferences, and the words ‘Colorado Driver’s license’.
‘That license was never issued’
‘It seems about 4 years’ ago you applied for a license and were accepted, but the license wasn’t issued at that time’. That ‘license’ you carry was issued but doesn’t really mean anything.
"The license was never properly issued. That card you have is a fradulent document not corresponding to an actual Colorado drivers license, your actual driver’s license was never created, even though it would have the same number that that one does.
Thirty minutes pass while the line grows out the door, and everyone in the office comes over to help with the problem. Customers noisily plot wolfman’s death
“Well how about you just issue the license that I applied for” says I " I was accepted and paid for it already, so just print it out now with a new expiration date"
Ten minutes pass with much huddled discussion and phone usage
“Okay stand in front of that screen for a new picture… we don’t have the printing stuff at this office, so drive on this crappy piece of paper for a couple weeks, and your license will come in the mail”.
I give 10-1 I will be back down in 4 weeks when my paper expires.