I broke the law about 2000 times...

… and I didn’t even know it.

Aparently I have been driving without a drivers license for 4 years. You see I had a ‘license’, but not a license.

Flashback to four years ago*

Wolfman walks into DMV. Wolfman waits for a long time. Wolfman goes up to counter. Wolfman fills out paperwork, looks into expensive viewmaster, and stands in front of screen. Wolfman writes check, and hands it to clerk, clerk hands ‘license’ to wolfman. Wolfman goes on with life’

Present day Denver
A couple months ago I went online to get my driver’s license. A couple days ago I got something in the mail that says they were unable to process it. So I call up and ask. I get the simple response that I can’t renew a license I don’t have. WTF? so I drive on down to talk to somebody.

After about 2.5 hours of waiting I finally am granted an audience His Royal Officiousness.
“I would like to get this renewed” says I, handing him my ‘license’.

Peck, peck, hmmmmm, peck, peck, scratch,peck peck peck, hmmmmmmm…
“I can’t do a renew because you don’t have a license” says he. “You’ve never had a Colorado license.”

Once again I refer to the laminated piece of plastic with my name, picture, discusion of bodily organ preferences, and the words ‘Colorado Driver’s license’.

‘That license was never issued’


‘It seems about 4 years’ ago you applied for a license and were accepted, but the license wasn’t issued at that time’. That ‘license’ you carry was issued but doesn’t really mean anything.

"The license was never properly issued. That card you have is a fradulent document not corresponding to an actual Colorado drivers license, your actual driver’s license was never created, even though it would have the same number that that one does.

Thirty minutes pass while the line grows out the door, and everyone in the office comes over to help with the problem. Customers noisily plot wolfman’s death

“Well how about you just issue the license that I applied for” says I " I was accepted and paid for it already, so just print it out now with a new expiration date"

Ten minutes pass with much huddled discussion and phone usage

“Okay stand in front of that screen for a new picture… we don’t have the printing stuff at this office, so drive on this crappy piece of paper for a couple weeks, and your license will come in the mail”.

I give 10-1 I will be back down in 4 weeks when my paper expires.

Sweet Christ. And to think a friend of mine was arrested becasue his license had been suspended without his knowing.

I wonder if that makes all the documents you provided that as a valid form of ID for invalid.

This is soooo much better than my finding out when renewing my plates in June that my license had expired in March! :smiley:

If the “license” they issued you wasn’t a “license” then what was it, a library card? I’m confused :confused:

So let me get this straight…

All the details on the license were correct…yet it wasn’t a license.

The DMV gave you this license…yet it wasn’t a license.
Hold on…I think I’m getting it…Humph…HUMPH…

Colonel Mustard in the Library?

No wait, the package was a parachute?..

no, the bear was white?.. :frowning:

When you find the answer to this puzzle, along with the cure for cancer and the meaning of life please let us know.

Correct, in San Francisco, anyway.

A friend of mine got his license suspended and then revoked without his knowledge for an unpaid speeding ticket. He drove for a year or so, then, when he got stopped for speeding, they told him he didn’t have a license. His car got impounded. Due to really bizarre circumstances that they’re still fighting in court, his car got impounded three times, even though the second and third time he had a valid temporary license which he showed the officers, and a car that he was a passenger in got impounded, apparently just because he was in it… The whole debacle has ended up costing him about $2,000…

Wait, the DMV issues fraudulent licenses? Do they do so on request, or only as a surprise? Do they wink nudge “Yes sir, this is your license,” or

Q. So, this is my new license?
A. Duh. We just gave it to you. What did you think it was, a library card?
Q. Well, my friend was bitten like this…
A. It’s fine. I swear on my mother’s grave.
Q. Um, ok.
A. Will that be all, sir?
Q. You’re SURE you’re not going to turn round and have me arrested.
A. Promise.
Q. OK. [walks to door]
Police: 'Ello 'ello ‘ello, what’s all this then?
Q. But… she said it was valid! I haven’t left the building!
P: A likely story. Maybe you ‘misheard’ her? Come along with me, sonny jim, and we’ll permanently impound your and all your friends’ cars and houses.
Q. B… but… t…

possible, we are talking about a bureaucracy here. The cops go by what the computer tells them. The information is inputted by a brain dead DMV worker. Or not inputted.

:dubious: bullshit. Not saying that isn’t what he told you but the only reason the car got impounded was not because the passenger had a suspended license. There is more to the story that you are not being told.

Agreed. He was pretty incoherent by the end of that month.

Wow. That even tops my all-time bad DMV story.

John Smith (no middle name) died. He left his car to someone, and I had to execute the transfer through the DMV. Problem was, the title was in the name of “John Robert Smith.”

Turns out the DMV zombie the guy had encountered told him he *had * to have a middle name on the paperwork, so they just made one up and put it in.

A friend of mine had something like that, but it got worse.

At one point he went in to get his license renewed. The worker told him there was a flag on it in the computer for some reason, but that the flag had no information on it. Helpful DMV employee deletes empty flag, issues new license. I remember him telling me about this.

Quite a while later (months, year or two, I forget) I get a call in the middle of winter late at night. He just got out of jail in the middle of nowhere and needs me to come get him because he’s not allowed to drive. Turns out he was pulled over, they said he didn’t really have a license, and something about the flag on the record meant that they thought he’d been dodging police or something. So I go pick him up.

A few weeks later we find out that this flag was the fact that an ex girlfriend of his in another town had a child that was his and hadn’t told him for a number of years and had within the past year or two got the court system to try to track him down for paternity responsibilities. For some insane reason they sent notices to old address and didn’t check state tax forms, phone book, etc. They then had him flagged as hiding from the court, even though he’d never heard about anything to hide from. I’m not sure exactly how he didn’t get tracked through the DMV, but that might have something to do with the empty flag file.

So after all this, he finally goes to the court and, because he was “on the run from the law” he gets no visitation rights whatsoever and hefty child support. But he does now at least finally have a legal license.