Ooga-chaka, ooga-chaka!
I can do a lot of things; in fact most all the things in this thread. But I have a horrible sense of direction. Nearly to the point of disaster at times. I also can’t find anything. It’s like I have selective vision and whatever I’m looking for becomes invisible to me until I go to look for something else and it magically appears again.
“I cain’t, Sergeant Carter; I just cain’t.”
Until I received a rice steamer, I could not make rice.
Like a few others, I cannot knit. I also cannot crochet more than a few rows. I cross stitch, embroider, hardanger like nobodies business, though.
Any maths where a number is replaced with a letter? Nope.
I cannot do logic problems.
I also cannot speak in a linear fashion. I have never met a tangent I didn’t like.
I cannot draw or paint. I am envious of those who can.
I cannot play any brass instruments. I don’t have the ability to create the embouchure to generate any type of tone.
Despite being fairly tall (5’9" until a few years ago, damn getting old), I cannot play basketball.
Anything that requires recognizing the beat of the music. I can’t dance, sing, and clap my hands to the music. And I can’t play any instrument, obviously.
There are other things I don’t do well, but that’s most of the things I can do at all.
I can’t wink.
I also can’t figure out any number of things on my computer/phone. But my disinterests likely keeps me from clicking around on them to see what can be done, but isn’t indicated in plain language/notices that I consider intelligible/intuitive.
I just cannot learn French, despite living in Montreal for over 50 years and really trying. I can sort of speak it, but I cannot understand the spoken language.
I have never done a correct pushup, chinned myself or done a roll.
I cannot figure out how to use my smartphone. Texting is impossible (keys too small) and, while I can take photos, I cannot figure out how to get the pictures off the phone.
I cannot whistle- this is because my lower front incisors came in weird.
I cannot dance- I have really poor dexterity.
I cannot roll my r’s either.
I have a terrible sense of direction. In the first Vampire The Masquerade pc game, it took me a half hour at least to find my way out of the mines after I’d killed the evil vampire there. I was using the automap function at the time.
Me too. I once worried about the possibility that I wouldn’t recognize my parents at the airport. That’s kind of extreme for me (and no it didn’t happen, I just worried that it would), but put a colleague from work in the supermarket, hence out of context, and they’re all waving and hello’ing me and I’m like “umm, I think I know you, from somewhere?”
Oh god. “Stop! Put it on pause! Isn’t she dead?? Isn’t that the secretary who had the letter? What do you mean she didn’t die? Then who was that in the elevator?”
I am a source of a great many eyerolls among the people I’ve watched movies with.
I’m surprised this one isn’t up there yet.
I cannot sing.
I know the reason why, as well, so I can shut up people who tell me I could if i tried, or “had the right teacher” or whatever.
My voice is pitched lower through bone conduction in my head, by about 1 & 1/2 steps, than it is pitched through air conduction, and therefore, the way it sounds to anyone else. So, if I hear a pitch on a pitchpipe, and match my voice to it-- at least, the way it sounds to me-- it’s off by a step and a half to everyone else, and that’s pretty terrible sounding.
Yes, I suppose I could learn to sing everything so it sounded 1 & 1/2 steps off to me, and would therefore sound right to everyone else, but I have no interest in doing so.
The only singing in public I ever do is chanting Torah, and that is just my voice, which doesn’t have to match anything, so it can be in literally any key-- it can even jump around and change keys, and for some people, it does. No one cares.
Have to deal with that a lot. I’ve become pretty good at remembering particular facial details to help recognize people, but change the environment I’m used to seeing them in and then it all becomes a blur. It’s particularly difficult with women who change their appearance a lot with different hair styles and color and makeup
I can sing. I can play bass. I cannot do both at the same time.
Yah, me too!
Not for the reasons you describe, to the best of my knowledge.
I have actually had lessons. I trained as an actor and voice/singing was one of the subjects. The instructor is a well known pro coach. He started the class saying, “I can teach anyone to sing.” I showed him!
Which is somewhat curious. As to rhythm, I am decent at dance, and acquitted myself in dance performing in musicals. And as to vocal production, (projection, elocution, moving my voice around, etc.) I’m kinda good and considered teaching.
But finding the right pitch in rhythm for singing? My brain is missing that part.
I’ve never had a problem playing guitar and singing at the same time, but based on limited experience fooling around on my son’s bass it seem like it would be hard to play and sing at the same time. I was amazed when the kid wanted to play and sing both at the recital after around 3 months of lessons; he was 10 at the time. He did it, though.
I can’t even talk and play at the same time.
Audience members would come up to the bandstand during a set (usually at a wedding) and request a tune. Since I was playing, all I could do was stare at them and nod. They probably thought I was “special.”
I can’t and never could whistle the “correct way” through pursed lips. I can only manage by more or less imitating the sound by the use of sharp sibilant “S” sounds by gently exhaling through a calibrated gap between my upturned tongue and the roof of my mouth just behind my front teeth.
Man oh man is that ever me. Wedding receptions have my anxiety levels up to the point I’m about shitting myself. I have to keep moving around eating, talking to different people etc. to stay “busy” enough so as not to be a target for somebody ( and it’s always the usual suspects ) who try to literally drag me out to the dance floor. The more alcohol they’ve had, the worse it gets. They never prevail, thanks to my determination, which thankfully, so far, has not had to employ nastiness, but quite close to it.
That’s me. I play bass at church, and have never sung the congregational songs at the same time as playing the bass. It just doesn’t work.
I watch in envy as musicians play all kinds of crazy improvisation all the while looking at the audience, carrying on a conversation, then singing along with the music.
I feel for you man. Fortunately for me, thanks to keeping an intentionally tiny circle of friends, I’ve never been invited to the weddings of any of them 
, and the only wedding I’ve gone to in my life was that of my cousin, which I couldn’t really turn down because they were family.
And even at her wedding, I was hanging out in a dark corner with my brother, sipping on cocktails and hoping nobody on the dance floor will find us.