My daughter, who recently has fallen in love – again – has told me that she finds it difficult to see the face of her loved one in her mind.
Thinking about it, I remember that I also found it difficult to remember the face of someone I was currently in love with. In fact, the Byrds even wrote a song about it:’ I Can’t See Your Face in My Mind.’
Is this a family phenomenon (also shared with the Byrds), or has anyone else experienced this?
I find that if I concentrate on anyone’s face, I draw an instant blank, but if I have a flash of “hey that’s so and so” a picture comes up in my mind. However, if I’ve seen an actual photo of that person, that’s the picture that comes up in my mind. Not necessarily the way they looked if I’ve seen them more recently.
That’s what I think is strange.
I’m not in love, but I am currently interested in a guy, and yes, I’ve noticed that I never remember exactly what he looks like. Luckily when I see him, it’s usually a pleasant surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this phenomenon before, I wonder what it could imply?
It was The Doors
You are, of course, absolutely right. It’s no wonder I can’t remember a face when I can’t even remember the name of the group who recorded the song. Old age strikes again!
I’d forgotton about this phenomenon but now that you mention it, yes, I do recall frustration back when I was dating and experiencing new love and I couldn’t accurately recall an interest’s face in full. Nice to know some of the guilt I might have felt about that was a bit undeserved.
I can see The Boy’s face quite clearly in my mind, but then again, I’ve had three years lovingly gazing at him to memorize all the little details.
I’m totally a visual learner, though, and I’ve always done well with tasks that require higher-than-average spatial vizualization skills so I wonder if being able to picture faces of good friends and family is a related ability.
That only applies to people I’ve known for a while and am close to in some way, though. When it comes to recent acquaintances or near-strangers, I have a hell of a time connecting names with faces and vice-versa, let alone picturing faces in my mind.
I’m terrible with faces. I’ve passed by people I’ve known for YEARS because I didn’t recognize them. For me when I try to picture a face it’s like someone’s taken a black crayon to the mental image I’m trying to conjure up and scribbled over it.
I’m like HazelNutCoffee. It takes forever for me to learn what people look like, and God forbid that they should change their hairstyle or something that I’ve used as a cue to their identity. It’s almost like a form of dyslexia, faces seeming to blend into a generic face-shaped mass.
I had a friend that once described herself as “looking like a Disney villianess”. I never had a problem after that - I just looked for the person with the pale, pale skin and jet-black hair. But if she’d ever changed her hair style and color, or went to the tanning beds, I’d’ve been lost. I love the fact that people in offices wear badges with photos, because it makes it so much easier to know who I’m talking to. Just don’t go sit in someone else’s cube!
StG
I can easily forget a face, especially of someone that I’m intimate with. I also tend to forget hair color unless it’s really striking. With someone with light brown or auburn hair, it turns either blonde or red in my mind.
Also have trouble recognizing someone if their hair is completely covered up.
The face thing is disturbing because I spent last summer learning to draw faces, and took detailed mental notes of almost everyone I saw.
I have no problem seeing my sweetheart’s face. Various views flash really fast in my mind though so it’s a little bit fuzzy.
I remember becoming quite hysterical when I couldn’t picture my mother’s face anymore. It was a few years after she died. I still can’t bring up her face; it’s just images from photos.
But her hands I can see and feel after 15 years.
I certainly don’t mean to be an armchair psychiatrist, but are you aware that such a disorder is known to exist?
Just today I was browsing at Barnes & Nobles. Someone tapped me on the shoulder while I was reading. I instinctively turn around and say “hey” as in ‘hey I know you’. Then I say “heyy” as in ‘now I remember/recognize you’. The first greeting was to a friend in general and the second greeting was to a friend in particular.
Somehow I am familiar with the person and then recogize the face, and then remember being friends and stuff. It all happens so fast, but at least they know then that I’m genuinely friend-ly.
MrSquishy - That’s very interesting. Thanks for the link. Although I’m not an acute case, I can have real difficulty in the workplace. There are people I’ve worked with for several years. If they superficially resemble each other (same hair color, approximately the same height/weight) I can’t tell which is which. I’m much more likely to be able to remember someone’s pet, than them (oh, hi! You’re Muffin’s mom, right?)
StG
I wonder if this phenomena has anything to do with the proximity in which you spend time with someone who is your SO.
When you’re typically interacting with others or admiring them from afar you see their faces across a room, across a table, etc. Whenever you see them you get a clear shot of their face.
However, once you become attached that person is now typically next to you. Sitting on a sofa next to you, sitting at a table next to you, riding in a car next to you, walking hand in hand next to you, etc. and you don’t spend a lot of time looking at their face.
My face-recognition brainware is wired slightly differently, in that I have a little trouble with faces in photos - until I know the person. For example, I participate on a board where people have photo avatars, and most of the people there are people I have met in person or have known for a long time. Occasionally, though, I meet new people from that site, and they come up and expect me to recognize them (not at ALL an unrealistic expectation) and I never do. Once I know who they are in person, though, I will later recognize their photos. If I don’t see someone for a long time, either in meatspace or in photos, it’s pretty likely that I will go back to not being able to recognize them.
This is from Betrand Russell’s The Problems of Philosophy, in the section on Idealism.
But does it always have to be ambiguous? For example, there’s a girl I’m interested in. I had her ‘in my mind’ and then I turn my head and see her. Another example is I was working on a group project (glad that’s over with, so-called ‘group’ work) and on the course site, up popped the name of guy that befriended me. I had him ‘in my mind’ and then I saw his name. He wasn’t physically present, but in a sense he was present.
That’s because all white people look alike!
Just kidding!
No seriously, I’m pretty good with faces. I’ve got a pornographic memory. I can recognize naked girls on the web with near photographic recall.
However, when someone is wearing sunglasses, I can’t recognize people at all unless they have prominent and readily distinguishable features not hidden by the sunglasses.
As far as prosopagnosia goes, this guy has a fascinating website. He calls it face blindness. It sounds like a truly horrible and bizarre brain disorder. He describes his coping mechanisms and the lifestyle choices that he has had to make.
I’ve always had this exact same thing whenever I’ve been interested in someone. I can usually call quite detailed pictures of my less intimate friends to mind at will.
I can also easily forget hair and eye color (eye color more so).
I have this problem with some of my students, especially the ones I don’t work with often. Three of them in particular look almost exactly the same to me, and it took me a while to develop the confidence to be sure I could tell them apart.
I think most people recognize others by their eyes. I’m horrible at that. But I’m good at recognizing people by their mouths. And in a group of people that I see often, such as coworkers, I’m great at recognizing them (especially the women) by their butts.