Wow, what a summer it has been…largest workload in my 10 years; we just hit “the Duldrums” and none too soon and shit.
Anyway, I close on MY FIRST HOUSE, in two weeks and shit, and the shit is givin’ me nightmares about runnin’ around at a George Clinton concert and a Rasta security dude kept asking me if I had any questions about Parliment and shit. I told him no and kept runnin’. This is the shit I am goin’ through.
So here is what I have been buyin’ this summer:
'98 Chev extcab pickup 4X4, for moving.
600w Ballast/Hortilux HPS/Cool-Tube setup, + 5@fem Northern Lights + 5@fem Blackberry (Amsterdam genetics, baby!)
1979 Williams Flash pinball machine, reshopped and in VG-X condition. (remember Flash?)
That’s the Varsity/Headliners at this point. I am cruising Craigslist for a tap/CO2 tank/regulator for the Fridge in the basement. Looking for another few neon signs and shit, as well.
What am I forgetting? Shit, Top-Gun is on Iceman just shut down his engine, and Maverik is about to blow his gun, and I am too high to deal with all this.
Word. I’ll hit the brakes, and bitch will fly right by.
12 hours after closing, I sat up in bed and said “WHAT have I DONE?”
It got better.
One thing I did that helped but I could’ve done it way faster: I bought a pile of those 30 gallon plastic tubs. I started with 12, but really I should have just bought 40. We ended up with about 30 or so and needed more.
One thing I didn’t do and should’ve: Buy more than one broom, dustpan, and scrubby brush, up to the number of people in the household. It’s stupid to make multiple people wait to do things because someone can only sweep, mop, or otherwise clean a room for occupation so fast. And it won’t hurt you to have too many cleaning tools.
Something I got the hang of pretty quickly: Pre-house unexpected expenses were in the $50 range. Homeowner “we need a what?” expenses are in the $500 range. Get used to it.
“Dishes and Sheets”? For a second there, I thought you said “100w Marshall Half-Stack and a Trolling Motor”. My bad.
Well, to be honest, around the Casa Del Kapowzloco Grande, the drinking glasses consist of 6 Milwaukee Pickle jars( love them f-ers!), and 3 or 4 of those convienience-store fountain-drink cups, (32oz, complete with straw and lid assembly.) But I am not a Hoarder, just a saver. And a few foam-ones for hot drinks.
For bowls, well, its dill dip containers, and the ones the frozen strawberries come in. I’m big on brocolli and dill dip, and I drink that strawberry shit like it was gravey. Couplea coolwhip containers too.
I went a long time with a plastic plate from Wal-Mapart, but the fucker says “Non-microwaveable” on the bottom! WTF Wal-Mapart! so I got a stoneware plate, but I don’t think that fucker is microwaveable either, 'cuz when I nuke-up a balogna and cheese, the F-er gets so hot you can’t touch it.
Anyway all that shit is headed for the shit-can when I bolt.
I went to Tar-Zhay for flannel sheets when I put in my first bid, but they didn’t have them out yet. WTF Target! October in MN and no flannel sheets? Sheesh.
Anyways, looks like another weekend of staggering around LOOWE’S, Home Despot, and Brother Meynard’s. Not buying, just lookin’.
That pinball machine sounds rad. Careful what you get from Menards; a lot of their stuff is crap. When I bought a set of bathroom fixtures (towel racks, tp holder, etc.) every one of the “hardware included” drywall anchors crapped out and I had to replace them all.
If you have multiple bathrooms get a separate set of cleaners for each one so you don’t have to lug that shit around.
[QUOTE=Super Kapowzler;13102622I went a long time with a plastic plate from Wal-Mapart, but the fucker says “Non-microwaveable” on the bottom! WTF Wal-Mapart! so I got a stoneware plate, but I don’t think that fucker is microwaveable either, 'cuz when I nuke-up a balogna and cheese, the F-er gets so hot you can’t touch it.[/QUOTE]
Potholders. Maybe some placemats? You have a garage for the DeLorean, right?
This. Start doing signing exercises now, to build up the muscles. Trust me, you’ll be cursing your parents for not naming you “Al” or something even shorter by the end of the whole thing (yeah, I bet you thought you had to sign a bunch of things for the mortgage application, didn’t you? That wasn’t nothing baby!)
I guess you’ve got about six months to find a lawnmower and most yard stuff. You might want a rake now, though.
And don’t forget the middle initial. Why? I don’t know. I never use mine. Ever. But I was told many times before starting the signing ceremony that I had to use my middle initial. (No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Especially because I. Never. Use. It. Ever. So any signature with my middle initial in it wouldn’t be my legal signature anyway. Because of the aforementioned never using it. Anyway.)
Yeah, there’s only about 3 million signatures on our paperwork where I had to sneak it in anyway.
I second the lawnmower. Never had to mow, rake, water, shovel anything until buying a house.
Change the locks ASAP, including garage door code.
Change mailing address everywhere. Work, subscriptions, friends, etc.
Make sure you notify the water, electricity and cable companies. The third is the most important. Life is pointless without cable.
