9:00:00 AM, Thursday, October 3rd and I’m sitting in my cube, wearing my beautiful new sweater. I’m working on some performance measurement formulas and briefly scratch my head; from out of my left pit comes a stench, an aroma, a FUNK from which there is no escape.
I swear I put on deodorant this morning. I know I did.
A moment later I’m in the bathroom with my sweater off. I take a deep sniff of my undershirt. The funk is still there, but not as strong. I take off my undershirt and take a deep sniff of my 'pit. It smells like roses, just like all my other orifices.
The funk came with the sweater. Some nasty woman with no personal hygiene and little regard for human kindness tried on my sweater, didn’t buy it, but left a donation anyway.
I had class last night. I had to live with the funk for over fourteen hours. Fortunately, I found that clamping my elbows to my sides seemed to contain the funk.
I did not mean to buy the funk.
Why did somebody have to lay that funk on me?
Always wash (or dryclean) new clothes before you wear them. It’s possible that 30 other people tried it on before you bought it. You don’t know them, you don’t know how often they bathe. Wash it.
It’s interesting how bound in a person’s smell can become. I have purchased a few near new, weird band and “event” T shirts from Goodwill for kicks, and even though I have washed the shirts several times, sometimes if I am active and sweating I will get a vague whiff of something or someone that is not me in these shirts. The persistence of odors is amazing.
Gazelle from Hell, you just take that funk right back to the store from whence it came.
No way should you have to pay for that funk. No way should you have to keep the funk, dryclean the funk, or wear the funk. You tell them you want the selfsame beautiful sweater sans funk, or a full funk refund.
That reminds me of a t-shirt my aunt bought me about ten years ago…I haven’t worn it for a couple of years, but the dye had such a distinctive smell, that eight years’ worth of washings later I could still smell it. Makes me wonder what the science stores use to dye their shirts.
Thanks for all the advice, y’all. Especially yours, apotheosis - that was hilarious.
I have laundered the sweater and the offending funk has been eradicated.
Another thought I had was that girlfriend might have been layin’ the mack on someone not long before trying my sweater on. It had that vaguely sweet, I’m in the mood for mackin’ funk flava. Knowhuttumsayin’?
My husband funked up a t-shirt and my adorable kitten rubbed her face in it. I almost had to throw HER out! She reeked for two days. I even washed her little kitty face and everything!
Agreed. Sometimes as I’m ironing a shirt I’ll get a whiff of sweat odor wafting up in the steam as I pass across the armpit of the shirt. Shirt’s been cleaned, the armpits smell fine and detergenty/fabric-softenery except when steam ironed. It bugs me a bit, because I don’t know if I should be using heroic measures to rid the shirt of what must be a deep-down ground in funk. And I’m really not sure what heroic measures I could use, anyway…
