The wife and kids went out of town last night to her mothers to spend the night. So since yesterday I have been completely alone in the house for the first time in over a year. Here is what I have been doing since they left.
Ordered a Pizza delivered (the edge)
Bought and drank a bottle of Spumante
Rented a porno movie on pay per view (title: Wet Undies)
Watched the dog take a crap in the floor ( sorry but there is nobody here to let her out)
Took serveral pisses and left the commode lid up ( it’s still up)
Got on the computer and tried to look up my old girl friend’s number on “Whowhere”
Ate 6 Klondike bars and 3 Italian Ices’
Took a dump without closing the bathroom door.
Played the guitar and sing at the top of my lungs (after the bottle of spumante was empty)
Slept till 9:30 this morning, then took a shower and watched an entire hour of “The Price Is Right” completely nude in the recliner.
ooopss!! I just heard a car door…I think they are back! Gotta go scoop that dog poop and put that commode lid down…
uhh, thanks for sharing aha. I think this little glimpse of your life just confirmed what I already knew to be true. You are whacked, dude! Now go get some clothes on!
Did you use a new glass every time you got something to drink instead of rinsing out the old one?
Or did you just drink the juice/milk/spumante straight out the container?
Is the toiletpaper on the roll dispenser, or just sitting on the sink, waiting for the toiletpaper fairy to hook it up?
Is the Sunday paper scattered in a semi-circle around your couch/recliner?
Did you give the dog any Spumante?
No more of these half-confessions, we women know what you do when we aren’t looking!
And of course the most important question is, “when you refilled the toilet paper dispenser did you insert the roll so that the papers dispenses ‘over’ or ‘under’?”
Quote fromo aha: 4. Watched the dog take a crap in the floor ( sorry but there is nobody here to let her out)
If you were watching the dog take a shit, technically, wouldn’t you be there to let her out? I mean, come on, this is the floor of your home here. The same floor you walk barefoot on. That’s just sick, man.
If you were watching the dog take a shit, technically, wouldn’t you be there to let her out? I mean, come on, this is the floor of your home here. The same floor you walk barefoot on. That’s just sick, man.
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True I was there but I would have had to get up out of the recliner on my “day off”.
Besides she eats only one kind of doggie food which produces a very dry stool. Just scoop it up and throw it away!
That sounds pretty much like what I do every weekend. Well, except for the toilet seat thing, and I don’t have a dog (cats are allowed to poop inside, so that doesn’t count). But I can dance around nekkid and sing at the top of my lungs any time I want to. And I often do! Aaaaaaah, sometimes being single really is better!
I’m glad to hear that you had such a lovely day, though, aha. May you have many more just like it (all except for the doogie doo - let the dog out next time, man!).
Wooohooo you sure know how to live guy. Course like Shayna, I do that all the time. Except for the dog thing, my dog stays outside. Nothing like sitting back with a cold soft drink in the nude posting to SD.
You should not be allowed to live, aha. What the hell is the matter with you? You’re completely out of control. Get a hold of yourself, man.
Three weekends ago, my wife and daughter went visiting for the weekend. My son didn’t come home from college, so I had the house to myself. Know what I did?
The laundry. And some ironing.
Mowed the lawn.
Repaired a cupboard door.
Picked up the dry cleaning.
Painted the basement bathroom.
Washed the car and the dog.
Planted cherry tomatoes in the backyard.
Dusted the…
No, wait. That’s what I meant to do, but I forgot. I invited the guys over for poker. They stayed overnight. There were beer bottles and pizza boxes all over the place. Every ashtray in the house was full and there were cigar butts on the floor and in the sink.
To top it all off, one of the guys brought a porno movie called “Action Heroes.” He forgot to take it with him, so it was still in the VCR when the women came home.
After they cleaned up (I couldn’t help because I wasn’t “feeling well”) They sat down to watch TV. We have a unified remote, so that if there’s a tape in the machine, it’ll play when the TV is turned on.
There was Wonder Woman, giving Superman a blowjob.
They didn’t speak to me for two days, which was an unexpected bonus.
The tape? I had to fish it out of the garbage can.
Just don’t let the dog in…keep 'lil poochie outside. He can poop all he wants out there. Cat’s you don’t really have to worry about poop, but dead animals…don’t you just love waking up with a dead rat somewhere in the house?
Harumpf!! You just described every weekend at the Grace home. All except for the dog poop (we have a cat) and the porn. Hubby doesn’t watch it, he has me. Now for entertainment I have been known to watch a show. Thank goodness for digital cable and pay per view.
Now for entertainment I have been known to watch a show. Thank goodness for digital cable and pay per view.