I do not exist.

In real life my first name is Mike.

That is, everybody calls me Mike, just about everything that has my name on it says “Mike,” and so on. My birth certificate says Michael on it, because that’s what my parents named me, but as soon as I could talk I made it clear in no uncertain terms that my name is Mike.

I went down to the DMV today to get a new learner’s permit, since my old one expired way back on 2002. As some of you know, I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle and so I need some valid docs first.

So I go to the NY DMV’s website to find out what I need to do to prove I am who I say I am. Since my permit expired more than two years ago, I can’t use that, so I need my birth certificate, SSN card and four points worth of ID. So I look at the long list of acceptable documents and their point values, and assemble a folder full of about a dozen points just to be safe. Major credit cards, bank statements, utility bills, W-2 forms, insurance cards, you name it.

So to the DMV I go. “I need to apply for a learner’s permit,” I declare, and am handed the appropriate form. I fill it out. I bring it to the window with my birth certificate and SSN card.

“I need four points of identification,” the clerk intones for the four billionth time that day.

Confident, I declare, “No problem, I got a bunch of stuff right here” and open my Folder of Things With My Name On Them.

Her: "These say, ‘Mike.’ Your birth certificate says ‘Michael.’ I can’t take these.

Me: “But, err, I use Mike all the time, that’s been my legal name for years…”

Her: “Then you have to get a new birth certificate. Have a nice day.”

Me: :mad:

I expect to be grabbed in my sleep and shipped down to Guantanamo any day now.

Good fucking gawd. Bureaucracy rum amok. When they come to haul you away, show 'em the other birth certificate. “This ain’t me, look.”

Go to a different DMV.

I would suggest going back and trying again, or going to a different DMV. I had one lady at the Brewster DMV tell me she couldn’t register a pickup as non-commercial because the hand-written receipt for the cap said 1985 Chevy instead of 1986. The Peekskill DMV told me I didn’t need a receipt at all.

A friend of mine tried to get a car registered in White Plains, and they told her the sellers signature (scrawled by a 100 year old lady who could barely hold a pen by herself) on the title didn’t match the scrawl on the sale document. The Brewster DMV took it without comment.

If you have a passport that says Mike, use that for date of birth instead of the birth certificate.

A suggestion: go down there at a different time and try to get a different employee. It may well be that you just got an idiot, and you can save yourself some time.

Daniel

I think I will try a different location tomorrow. I have tracked down one thing that says Michael on it, an old bank account that my Mom opened for me when I still use.

If that doesn’t help, I’m going to go live under a rock in Central Park.

I hear you cry.

I moved states, and tried to get a Driver’s License (Illinois, BTW).

The situation that I encountered was:

My Birth Certificate had the anglicized version of my first name (my mom called me by my “real” (I.E., non-anglicized) name from day 1, it’s what I’ve always used, and always self-identified as)

It had only ONE of my last names. (My second was added by court document when I was 6 months old)

My Social Security Card had my “real” name, and an incorrect number.

My current Passport had my full name (real FN, Middle, and Hyphenated Last Name).

So, I had to hunt until I found a Passport with the name on my BC - it’s number matched the one on my later BC and proved that.

I had to clear up the situation with my name and incorrect number with the Social Security Office.

6 weeks later, I got my damned License.

Then my fiancee went in to get hers with her passport and the SS card she’d meticulously kept since it was issued to her in 1978. The DMV DENIED the SS card, implying that it was forged since it the number was typed, not printed.

I can understand that they might implement a policy to accept modern cards only, but the person did everything but outright accuse her of forging it.

Oddly enough, I think I could more easily forge a “modern” SS card with a scanner, laserjet printer, and photoshop than find a typewriter.

Good luck, friedo

My mother and I went to vote the other day. She gave her name as Mom Smith, and offered her driver’s license which identifies her as Mom F. Smith. She registered to vote under the name Mom Maidenname Smith. Why the DMV insists on listing her as Mom F. Smith I’m not sure, but she prefers Mom M. Smith. The man at the registration table kind of looked at her funny. Mom said “I don’t know why, but that’s the way the DMV writes my name”. The woman sitting next to the man at the registration table gave her a “I know what you mean” sympathy look. Mom got to sign her name (Mom M. Smith) and vote.

(F is the first letter of her middle name, which she dropped when she got married in favor of using her maiden name as her middle name, and her husband’s lastname as her last name).

But it’s not. Unless you’ve had it legally changed, your legal name is Michael.

That said, I second the idea of going to a different DMV and trying again.

It is and I did. But I never considered going back in time and altering my birth records. Feh.

Um, no, it’s not. Under common law, you can change your name simply by using the new name. That’s all it takes. Formally doing the paperwork and seeing a judge makes things easier under some circumstances, because it generates a paper trail connecting the names, but there’s no rule that says you have to do so in order to legally change your name.

Personally, though, I have to say I find it a bit odd to use a nickname as your legal name.

Oh, OK. Did you take that to the DMV too?

True enough, and on reflection, my statement was incorrect, but in this day and age it’s only sensible to do it in court. We have become such an ID-conscious society that the paper trail is pretty much a necessity. Sad to say.

I’m going to try to dig it up, but my faith in the intelligence of the average DMV employee is somewhat limited. If I can’t find it I’m going to just try again at a different location tomorrow.

I got some ID rejected a while back because my address is:

123 Streetname
City
Postcode

but the ID I had said:

123 Streetname
Suburb
City
Postcode

This was from someone who lives in my fucking city and knows there’s no damn difference whether the suburb is mentioned or not, because the postcode identifies a unique cluster of four houses in the entire damn country.

That said, I just got government security clearance using “Jim” not “James”, so maybe there is some intelligence out there.

Oy.

My last boss had the reverse problem. She had too many documents with variations on her name. (all names faked, but the pattern is true) :

She was born Mary Smith

Changed her name in college to Ann Smith simply by going to the registrar and telling them her name was now Ann. Hey, it was the 60’s. And her name’s not nearly so conservative as “Ann”.

Got married to Bob Jones and sometimes uses Ann Smith-Jones, sometimes Ann Jones.

So she has been sent voter’s registration cards for:
Ann Jones
Ann Smith-Jones
Ann Mary Smith
Mary Jones

and has a driver’s license which says Ann Smith Jones, but a passport that says Ann Smith, and a birth certificate which says Mary Smith.

Arranging travel for her was a nightmare. I had to check all her documents, predict which one she’d actually remember to bring with her, and order tickets and accomidation accordingly.

She’s NEVER gotten a legal name change, but somehow got all these government documents (not to mention credit cards, bank accounts, life insurance policies) in different names with no problem.

Hell, I didn’t even go get it done legally until a couple years ago. Whenever I’ve needed to make any transaction involving my name, I always wrote ‘Mike’ and if my ID said ‘Michael’ nobody cared. So that’s why pretty much everything I have says Mike on it.

Here’s a thought. What if he happened to be one of two Michael Smiths in his Local School System?

Pretend to be enthralled at this: I have an odd first name, yet somehow there was another kid with the same name one grade down. That’s weird for so many reasons. Therefore, I can’t imagine the extreme, like being the 19th “Taylor” in a high school class of 3,000.

So he’s Mike. Big whoop. How tight are your underpants?

Considering they’ve prolly got a camera in your shower, you should feel quite happy for this accommodation. :smiley:

I’ve got this college buddy, nicknamed Sluggo, took 8 years to finish college. Poly Sci. Got his motorcycle license at 16.

Is it possible the folks at the DMV are trying to protect you?