Meet The Turkey. S/he has been cooking for 32 weeks now, and nope, we have no idea of the gender.
When we first discussed the topic of finding out the gender, my initial thought was “well, yeah, of course I want to know”. My wife wanted no part of that, however. She wanted the whole “It’s a (insert gender here)!” experience. Ok, no big deal by me. By the time the second untrasound came along, the tune suddenly changed. She was starting to crack. Uh uh. No way. Not gonna happen. Not knowing was her idea, and damnit, we we going to remain in the dark! Fortunately, she was soon back to not wanting to know, and we’re both excited about the surprise factor.
So, the nursery is painted green and yellow, and her baby shower produced an insane amount of gender-neutral clothes. I’m quite happy she didn’t want to know…the anticipation is just adding another level to the whole experience (and besides…I know it’s a boy…).
So when discussing gender neutrality, why is it that blue and pink are still out? (Not to mention all the other possible colours.) What’s wrong with dressing a boy in pink, exactly?
There’s nothing wrong with using pink with a boy, but pink baby clothing that isn’t overtly girl clothing isn’t common, in my experience. Plenty of stuff in neutral colors, and sure, there are girls clothes that have blue in them, and boys clothing with pinkish colors, but if it’s mainly pink, it’s probably clearly a girl’s outfit, and vice versa.
We didn’t want to know. But my wife found out accidentally when she saw it written on a paper on the doctor’s desk (out in the open for all to see).
She kept the secret until he was born.
See, this is the kind of thing that scares me! I’m going to talk to my doctor and the u/s techs and tell them in no uncertain terms that I do NOT want to know the gender of the baby. I would prefer that they make no mentions in the chart either (too many chances for a slip by a nurse). I’ve said since the beginning that I think it’s a boy, but I still want that big surprise at the end.
I had a hint that my second one was going to be a boy. I was planning to get my tubes tied after the birth, and the nurse was hassling me to see if I was really sure I didn’t want any more children. Then she asked me what the gender of my first child was. When I told her it was a girl, she had a peep in the chart and dropped the subject.
I suppose nothing’s wrong with it, but my mother was telling me a story this weekend about having a really pink nice winter bunting for me, which she then used for my younger brother. She had so many people say to her, “Oh what a beautiful little girl.”
It’s hard-wired in people to associate pink with a girl. I have no problem with gender specific colors for the opposite sex, but I would get tons of green and yellow and probably nothing else for my shower, unless I registered for specific clothing items.
The room we chose for the nursery has dark blue carpeting and we’re painting the walls a soft yellow. That can go either way, IMO.
Nothing important. But people will think it’s strange and you’ll find yourself needing to correct them all the time when they say your daughter is lovely.
Because we were an older than normal set of parents, Pepper Mill had an amnio, which meant that the doctor would know the sex of our baby. Did we want to know?
Pepper Mill said “No”. She wanted to be surprised.
I didn’t even tell her if I wanted to know.
Throughout the pregnancy she kept trying to figure out if I knew, trying to read my expressions.
We discussed and argued about baby names, both male and female. We discussed circumcision, pro and con. We talked about possibilities. She kept trying to get me to spill the beans – not what sex the baby was, but whether I knew or not.
Everyone told her it was goin to be a boy. Even the nurses said this.
Came the big day, and MilliCal turns out to be a girl. Pepper Mill was surprised.
She asked me if I had known.
I didn’t tell her.
Six months later I finally admitted that I had wanted to know the sex of our child. I figured that medical science had advanced this far, why not know? But I figured it was easier to keep it a secret if she didn’t even know if I knew. Plus I didn’t want to be taunting her with knowing the answer. Not knowing if I even knew was a lot less annoying.
And so what? Whom does this harm? The baby? Did your brother survive this experience emotionally?
I was hanging out with an acquaintance of mine who has a two-year-old daughter who had a short haircut and was dressed gender neutrally. An elderly woman nearby came over to coo at the kid and called her a “cute little boy,” or somesuch which no one commented on. A minute or two later, she overheard my friend address the girl by name, and the lady said, “Oh, you’re a little girl! I’m so sorry.” My friend deadpanned, “It’s okay. She’s very comfortable with her sexuality.”
Yeah, he was joking, but he was also sincere. Who freaking cares whether a kid’s sex is mistaken by some stranger? It’s not going to cause anyone harm.
Who said it was harmful? Calm down a bit; some things can be undesirable or just mildly inconvenient (and therefore worth avoiding, in the considered opinion of some) without actually causing tangible harm.
Iris is 21 weeks or so along now and we found out last week. Her reasoning is that she wanted to be able to identify with the baby more. We found out we’re having a little girl, supposedly anyway. As for gender nutral stuff do you think this or maybe this will work? I can’t wait to have my kid out in them, maybe I’ll put some pink bows in her hair too.
We’ve also bought a new house and there is already a baby room there that’s blue, I’m not painting it some other color so if they are right then the she’s gonna live in a blue room. Plus finding out has helped us figure out some names, we were having a terrible time picking a boy’s name, we have some girl’s names picked out.
Except that it does make the stranger feel uncomfortable to realize she was wrong. Heck, as a mom it makes me momentarily uncomfortable because I’m not sure if I should correct the stranger (correcting people is rude, Grandma taught me) or just let it slide and risk embarrassment when they feel I’ve misled them.
Embarrassment and uncomfortability may not be irreprable harm, but they are things I’d rather avoid. She does wear some cute blue outfits, but I usually stick a complementary bow around her head as the gender identifier in those cases.
Miss Manners once said that being polite is about making everyone around you as comfortable as possible. That’s all.
Do you really think that was the main idea of my post?
It came from a general understanding of her writing, of which I have always been a fan. I dumbed it down a bit, I admit. One quote which helps to illustrate the point is from this interview: “Philosophers always considered behavior indicative of the great philosophical and moral questions. The connection between morality and manners is a bit like the one between law and etiquette: The law deals with what affects life, limb, and property; etiquette is supposed to deal with the less lethal aspects of behavior that interfere with the community good. The moral foundation to manners is that we ought to recognize the existence and rights of other people.”
I mentioned it to illustrate the different between “harm” and whatever it is that ettiquite addresses. I don’t think dressing a boy in blue should be a matter of law, but it may be a matter of etiquette.
Google **Etiquette making people comfortable **and you’ll find plenty of expert opinions on the topic.
Since Mrs Lizardo’s pregnancy itself was surprise enough, we wanted to know as much as possible ahead of time. The ultrasound revealed a) that we were having twins and b) that they were both breech, so I’d say we called that one right. I suppose we could have lived without knowing their gender, but as others have pointed out its a surprise no matter when you find out.
So Brainiac4 and I decide to have children. And a year later we are at the infertility clinic. And a year after that we are at the adoption agency. That was a surprise - a long time coming surprise, but it was not the child I’d grown up dreaming about. We got to choose boy or girl, we didn’t choose, knowing that meant boy. (there were waiting little boys, no waiting little girls). After finishing our homestudy, we almost immediately got a referral (i.e. info and a photo) of our son, and started a four month wait for him to come home.
As soon as he came home, we discovered we were pretty much done with the first trimester of pregancy. Surprise! This means my kids are thirteen months apart and arrived less than six months apart - Surprise! Two in diapers, two in the baby room at daycare - surprise!
After this, not knowing gender was a surprise we didn’t need. I’d spent enough time with my intentions for children being thrown around.
As it turned out, we needed a level three ultrasound late in pregnancy to check for birth defects (surprise!). Fortunately it came out clean and she was healthy. But I wouldn’t have missed gender then.
It was a surprise to discover our daughter was a blue eyed blonde (the hair is getting darker). And she arrived three weeks early (surprise!)
The blessing was that she wasn’t twins. Now that would have been a surprise we didn’t need.
I plan on knowing. The only restriction is that I want my husband to be in the room with me so we find out together.
I figure I’ll know first that I’m pregnant (or at least have the inclination to pee on the stick) so this we can hear together.
I will also tell other people when I know. I don’t care for people who dangle the “we know but aren’t telling yoooouuuuu…” business. It’s cute the first time, but not the 10th, 100th, etc…
