I’m watching a repeat of Gilmore Girls where Jackson is making a big deal about not wanting to know the sex of his and Sookie’s baby until after it is born. His reasoning is that when he was born, his parents weren’t able to know his sex, and he wants to do it the same way they did. I also recall seeing a show about 10 years ago…I’m pretty sure it was Full House with Jesse and Becky, but it was one of them…where the dad wanted to know the baby’s sex, but the mom didn’t, and didn’t want him to know either, so they kept playing the hide/find-the-sonogram game.
Do parents-to-be actually have this attitude in real life? I have no plans on being a parent, and if I did then I would adopt, but in the event that I ever got somebody pregnant, I would want to know EVERYTHING going on with my child to be. What parent wouldn’t?
I don’t understand the desire to put off the inevitable, either. Are you any less surprised when you find out the sex at 20 weeks, than you are when it is born? No, and you can buy cute clothes and decorate the nursery before the kid is born, too.
However, on the labor-and-delivery television shows, there are a fair number of mothers who do not know if they’re having a boy or a girl. Less than half, but a significant number.
I wanted to know. For one thing it let me know whether I should trade in the baby clothes for the opposite set. There is always an element of surprise, but that wasn’t important to me.
For a couple I knew, neither wanted to know (“there are few real surprises in life” was the reasoning, I believe) but the father found out by accident. So he had to spend 4 months or so making sure he didn’t slip in a pronoun so the wife found out. Very sitcom-like.
I wouldn’t want to know. I’d want to delay the deluge of gender-specific baby crap if possible. At least then you have some chance of getting some geneder-neutral stuff.
I didn’t want to know. Had no problem preparing the nursery or buying clothes; there’s so many choices out there that apply to both boys and girls. And while it might sound silly to some, after all the pain and labor and all, hearing “It’s a ____” for the first time really was a wonderful moment.
My wife and I didn’t want to know – just to be reassured that it was healthy (that is the real reason for those tests, you know).
That worked fine for the first pregnancy. During the second pregnancy the ultra sound technician said “Did the doctor say anything to you about twins?” At that point, the big surprise was gone so what the hell was left?
For some people, I think it makes more sense not to know - for instance, my friend who is pregnant at the moment was adamant that she needed to know if she was expecting a boy so she could “prepare herself” (she could “only see herself with a daughter” and had “never wanted a son”). Well, they did the ultrasound and it turns out that he’s healthy and growing well and on schedule to arrive in early December. She’s shattered. If she had waited, I strongly suspect that after going through the whole L&D thing, she wouldn’t have cared what gender the baby was.
I knew a couple who found out the gender but still got a surprise - three ultrasounds that all said they were expecting a daughter all turned out to be wrong when their son was born.
Wow. How could someone bear to get pregnant if they have a 50/50 chance of being “shattered” by the mere sex of their child. God forbid he should have any more challenges on top of being the wrong sex.
Most likely she’ll come around, but, really, why invent senseless ways to stress yourself out?
A follow up question for all of you who say you want to be surprised - do you like being surprised by everything else your children do?
If my parents told me that they wanted to be surprised about my gender rather than being told, I would have started going out every night, and when asked what I was doing, said “it’s a surprise! You LIKE surprises!”
The first time, I didn’t want to know. I wanted to hear “the big announcement” that one time. The next two times, I asked them to tell me. Luckily, they were right both times.
Not all parents are–I know of two different couples who were told the gender of their baby, and they prepared accordingly. In each case, a few days before the birth, ultrasounds revealed that first “diagnosis” was incorrect. While nobody was truly crushed, there was some initial disappointment, especially for the fathers. One had been told he was having a boy, the other man was told his was a girl. In each case, they’d begun to envision their lives with that child. It took a little time to adjust to a new vision. So, unless there’s incontrovertable PROOF of the baby’s sex, it’s not necessarily helpful to be told!
Yeah, it’s fun sitting here with 3+ years of infertility up our sleeves listening to my friend saying she cried for hours when she found out that her surprise (read: accidental) pregnancy will result in a boy. She’s certainly not the first though, as I’ve known numerous women/couples who were so set on one gender that they were “shattered” to find out their baby was the other. These days there’s technology that allows parents to choose the gender of their baby and many are against it. I just think of those people and I’m for it - could anything be worse than being one of the reject children of parents who are hellbent on having a particular gender?
Yes indeed. I haven’t even found someone to marry yet, but if I could get a heads-up on whether I’ll eventually have a girl or a boy, I’d start knitting baby sweaters this evening.
My real- life standard response that I have used dozens of times is:
“Did you find out that it was a girl before she was born?”
“Yes”
“Didn’t you want to be suprised?”
“I was suprised when I found out”.
They never no what to say after that. My wife and I needed to know as a practical matter because we were remodeling our house and relatives that traveled abroad wanted to know what to get. I was indeed just as suprised when we found out during the ultrasound. The actual birth has plenty of suprises left to find out.
I dunno; the people who can only envision themselves with one sex or another seem to me more likely to have totally unrealistic expectations of the child anyway. How shattered would she be if she had that cherished daughter, and she turned out to be a total tomboy? If you want to be able to pick the sex, stick to dogs or kittens… Or better yet, goldfish.
