Following my appraisal last Friday where, amongst positive comments about my work, I was told that I need to try to “fit in” more (read: try harder to be liked), I’ve been given another reminder that I Don’t Play Well With Others.
I’m not a team player. I work best on my own. I don’t think that has to be a negative. I’m a friendly and approachable person and I like making people happy, I’m just not good at faking friendship if I don’t feel it.
So this is a thread for people like me. There are plently of corners for people to go and sit in and do their own thing. I won’t bother you if you don’t bother me.
Think of it. No having to make conversation about the weather. No cheery “Any plans for the weekend?” conversations with people whose last name you don’t know. You could write without someone insisting on asking “what’re you writing?”. You could read without having to show your book to everyone who wanders past. You could make a cup of coffee without having to make everyone else in the room coffee too.
I get along with just about everybody. Sometimes I feel as if I’m a big stupid dog. But anyway…
At a place where I used to work I would arrive before everyone else. We had two coffee makers and a hotplate. I would make one pot of coffee and one pot of hot water (because I liked tea in the morning), put the water on the hotplate, and then make another pot of coffee. One woman I worked with insisted I make two pots of coffee, even though the first pot was in no danger of running out. I told her that making two pots would not make the coffee come out any faster; and besides, I’ll make a second pot in a moment. One morning I went to my desk to wait for the coffee and water to finish when I heard “God damn it! Who put on a pot of water?” I told her I did. She said that if I didn’t put on two pots of coffee if I was the first one in, she would “see that I am removed. Permanently.” I pretty much laughed in her face. She went to the supervisor to complain, and I was called in to give my version of the story.
When review time came around, I got a raise. She was told that she didn’t work and play well with others and did not get a raise. She absolutely hated me after that.
I can work as a team player as necessary. But… I also work more efficiently on my own. I don’t need to be babysat like the rest of my cow-orkers. I think my boss truly appreciates that she doesn’t have to hold my hand all day.
However… she doesn’t show it very well: In my last review - it was suggested that I needed to participate more in “team functions”. These are functions that the supervisor tries to make excuses to get out of herself. Grrrrrrrrrr. I can’t drink alcohol anymore because of several meds I take. I am not going to go sit in a bar with people I don’t like in the first place making small talk - while they all get drunk and stupid and I am drinking diet soda. I have better things to do with my time. Plus some of them would most likely bitch about me smoking. I don’t need any extra frustration.
I was also told I needed to participate in decorating people’s cubes for birthdays. I have tried to assist in the past and my cow-orker that has to be in charge of “everything” takes over and doesn’t let anyone else help. (she happens to be the supervisors best friend - how special :rolleyes: )
We have 8 people on our team. 6 of them all sit in a group of cubes together. The supervisor and I sit together - separate - but not too far away from them. Far enough that we aren’t involved in everyday converstations. Which is just fine with me, I am there to work not for social hour. The bulk of the team is always doing stuff and not including myself and the supervisor. Yet she still zings me for not participating. She gets pissed off about them ignoring us all of the time.
The most recent BS: Our team goes out to eat once a month. About half of the meal is paid by our “fun money”. It is my birthday this month so I am “supposed” to pick where we are going. Ms. Hitler (Ms. control everything from above) taps me on the shoulder on Friday and says “We took a vote and thought we would go to go to Mondo’s since it will be open by next week, I just wanted to check with you since it’s your turn to pick” WTF - you’ve obviously taken a vote and if I say no I will be further ostricized from the “team”. Why bother even asking me ?
I would understand being dissed for this if it was effecting my job or anyone else’s. Then there would be a legitimate gripe. But it doesn’t and it’s a bunch of crap ! Just leave me alone in my little world ! I like it that way dammit !
I know! You’ve met me, you know I’m a gregarious person. The problem in my office is that its developed a culture of negativity - bonds are formed mainly by bitching about the job and everyone else who works there. I’m not into that and I prefer to keep my head down and just get on the with the job. Because I don’t spend five hours out of every eight joining in with the bitching, I’m not part of the gang.
I do my fair share of bitching. But I do it outside while I am on break - to people in other departments that won’t tell my team what I’ve said. Smokers are in our own little exiled club as it is.
My workplace is quite noisy, so at lunch time I usually eat in my nice quiet office and read. The other day someone asked to use my computer, so I made a rare appearance in the staff lunch room.
One of my co-workers asked why I was there so infrequently. I told her of my preference for solitude at lunch time. “You mean like a mushroom, growing alone in the dark?” she asked with some sarcasm in her voice.
I looked her in the eye, smiled, and said, “Yes. Exactly like that.”
It’s preferable to making small talk with addle-brained morons.
I don’t mind being a team player, as long as I get to pick the team. I have this little problem - I don’t suffer fools gladly. If you want me to do something, I will be glad to. If you want me to say “yessir” a lot and lead the romper room, I might get a little testy.
Yeah, me too, although in my case its not about not making small talk, its about being “cocky” or “arrogant”.
Well, maybe I am, to some degree, but you can’t get ahead in this business without being fairly smart and self-confident. Its not like I’m faking it.
I can’t help it if some of my cow orkers are, umm, gee what’s the politically correct way of saying, not too bright? If they are having trouble doing something on the computer am I not supposed to help them even when they ask me repeatedly?
“Sorry, I can’t help you because that would be showing off?”
When someone keeps doing something wrong am I supposed to assume they are doing it wrong on purpose rather than assuming that they don’t know how?
Count me in, too. I got scolded on a job once for that very thing–not being social enough. But I didn’t get to travel out of town, I had to go to school right after work, and I thought the whole idea was to get the work done, not sit in people’s cubicles and bitch.
Maybe it is just me, though. I’ve been given team projects at school, only to be pushed aside by the other two people, who pretty much did the whole thing themselves, since they never told me when they were meeting to work on it. I got an A anyway, but it felt like stealing. No wonder I don’t like to work in groups. My job now is nights, by myself, no cow-orkers. Lonely, but whatever happens is up to me.
Hell, I was always one of those “doesn’t use time wisely” … mainly because I finished my work before most everyone else, so I started playing instead of doing more work … so that when it came time to do that work, I’d, er, have none left? Screwdatshit:)
However, B (fiancee) will tell you just how much I enjoy smalltalk;)
Add me to the list. During my last review my supervisor criticized me for not being social enough with my coworkers. She said I need to participate in the “fun” company functions like pot luck lunches, holiday celebrations and our once-a-month birthday parties.
For the record, I’ve been to every damn birthday party except one, and that was only because I was out sick. Not only have I gone to the holiday parties, but I’ve been on the set-up and clean-up committees, too. Plus I’m always talking with my coworkers about their families, their hobbies, and their weekend plans.
I think the problem is that I’m more of a quiet, behind-the-scenes type of person. Apparently socializing doesn’t count in my office unless you’re the center of attention.
Frankly, all too often office socializing leads to office clique formation, factionalization, in-fighting, shunning, and lots of other nasty stuff. As far as I am concerned, professionalism should be valued far more highly than friendliness. Basic politeness and decent behavior is necessary. Being best buds with your co-workers is not. Working well with others is a desirable trait at work. Playing well with them is irrelevant to most job descriptions.
I don’t work well with others. I do PLAY well with others, and I think the distinction should be made. (Ah. I see Q the M has already pointed this out.)
When I have to work with other people, I get bossy and bitchy. Part of this is just my natural tendency to be bossy and bitchy (which I probably should work on) but a good chunk of it is that I am quick to learn new things and very impatient with those who aren’t. I’m pretty efficient, because I’m basically lazy and want to do a good job fast, thereby leaving me lots of time to screw around and bother other people
I am SO glad I’ve been able to “retire” from the workaday world (thanks, WryGuy.)
You are sooo rite, QtM. A man after my own heart. I wish I could, just once, have a job where my supervisor thought like you (and me).
Besides, I have always felt like I would make a better “team player” if I could decide who makes the cut.
I refuse again to ever go to a “birthday party” for someone who’s name I do not even know or who is on an active campaign to get me fired. Unfortunately, I still have to do the work the others are not doing as they spend the entire morning preparing for this “party”.
If I never go to lunch with anyone and as a result they think I am “antisocial”, fine. I’m not at work to make friends.
However, you need that receipts report at 2:00 pm Thursday? You will have it noon Tuesday. You need all charges keyed by 11:00 am tomorrow? They will be done by 5:00 pm today. You need all the rejected Medicare claims rebilled by week’s end? I’ve already done them.
When will anyone realize that the reason I am the only one who can get my work done on time is becuase I am the only one not at that silly “party”?
Anyway, I could go on and on becuase this has been my number one pet peeve ever since I entered the work-a-day world roughly 25 years ago.
