Look. It’s REAL simple. You’re working for the same company I do, so I KNOW you have the same MicroCrap OutHouse email program I use. Look at the top of the email. See that button? Then one RIGHT NEXT TO the one you’re planning to use? The one that says “REPLY”?
Yeah. that one. That means “Send my answer to JUST the guy who sent me the original information email. Send it ONLY to the one person who cares. DO NOT send it to everyone else in the company.” Using the “REPLY TO ALL” button instead sends the message of:
“I don’t care whose mailbox I clutter up. I’m proud to show that I’m a totally clueless moron that hasn’t any idea whatsoever on how to actually use the software I’ve been given even though I’ve had it for the last five-plus years.”
I truly honestly DO NOT CARE if you need access to our customer’s new database. I also DO NOT think that EVERY SINGLE PERSON on the database email list, (which is several hundred names long) needs to know your user ID and password.
Really.
“Reply”. It’s your friend.
And for your punishment, you should have the REPLY TO ALL feature permanently disabled on your computer. they should make you type in all the names of the people you want to send replies to until it finally percolates through to your ignorant, clueless, troglodytic, molecular-sized particle that’s serving as your brain this week exactly when to use the “REPLY TO ALL” feature.
And then you must vow on a Stack Of Virgins that you’ll never, ever, EVER use “REPLY TO ALL” when you need to just “REPLY”.
I’m about to go ballistic over one of these “discussions” going on at this very moment.
Manager (via email to department): I think we should buy product A.
dumbfark #1 (hits reply to all): I agree. Product A is good.
dumbfark #2 (hits reply to all): I like product B better.
dumbfark #1 (hits reply to all): Is product B the blue one?
Manager (hits reply to all): No, product B is green.
dumbfark #2 (hits reply to all): Yes, product B is blue.
Manager (hits reply to all): Are you sure? I saw a green one.
dumbfark #2 (hits reply to all): It might have been moldy.
dumbfark #1 (hits reply to all): How could it be moldy?
dumbfark #2 (hits reply to all): Are we talking about sandwiches?
Manager (hits reply to all): No, we’re talking about product A.
dumbfark #2 (hits reply to all): Never mind. I was confused about yesterday’s e-mail.
dumbfark #1 (hits reply to all): Does your wife likes to take it in the butt?
dumbfark #1 (hits reply to all): Oops. Ignore that. That was supposed to go only to John.
dumbfark #2 (hits reply to all): I think John ate my sandwich once by mistake.
I’m beginning to think e-mail programs should send an electric shock to the user’s genitals for every name on the CC: list.
Wait, wait, let me paste a 1 meg bitmap into the email before I hit reply-all. It’s just one message, so it’s not going to take up a lot of space on the mailserver, right?
lno, that’s great. I’m surprised someone in my company hasn’t done that yet. RadioWave, yours reminded me (for some weird reason) of another exchange of emails that took place recently:
Receptionist: “A quantity of money was found at the south entrance to the Tech Center. If you are missing some money, please come to the receptionist’s desk, describe the amount of money and denominations, and I’ll give you your money back.”
I-Think-I’m-witty #1 (reply to all, naturally): It’s mine. Description: Paper bills, green printing. Numbers in the corner, picture of a Dead Guy in the middle of each one.
ITIW#2: It’s mine. Description: Green printed paper with numbers in the corners and dead guys’ faces printed on the fronts.
ITIW#3: It’s mine and I can PROVE IT! It’s a bunch of green pieces of paper with NUMBERS On them! And faces of dead guys!
(carry this on for at least 2 or 3 more people.)
JUDAS PRIEST, people, at least READ all your email before proving you’re clueless! It wasn’t funny the first time. It’s still not funny after FIVE people say it.
Ahh. How well I remember the reply from a certain client, when I told him his last email attachment had crashed our mail server: “But it was only 26 meg!”
:eek: twenty-six Meg??? Our server won’t even let something that size in.
Monty, along that line, I swear to Og I (and everyone else in the company) once got one that said “how do I send a message”.
Looks like you figured it out, genius.
(Actually, please DO paste it into a word doc - that way if someone uses the preview pane in Outlook, it won’t hang the application for a year and a half…)
Hey! I just got this really funny joke from a friend. I’m going to forward it to everyone and leave all of the previous headers intact because scrolling past a thousand lines of
Hello, Support, Mangetout speaking, how may I hel…
…Your email messages are all gone?..You deleted them you say?..But you want them back…
Well, look in your 'deleted items fol…
You deleted them from there too?..Are they gone?..Yes, I’m afraid they are gone…Can I get them back?..no.
No, you’re right, I suppose that isn’t good enough, but it’s a fact nevertheless.
What is it you were trying to do?..Oh, you sent them to your other account, then deleted them…well, in that case, you might b…
But they never arrived…Well, have a look in your sent items fold…
You deleted them from there too?..AND you deleted them from the outbox too?..well, you’re nothing if not thorough, but you see, deleting them from the outbox just might be why they never made it to your other account…
Can I get them back?..no…Hmmmm, I’m starting to see a pattern here
During my brief (almost a year) stint as a LAN in my Navy days, my most used response to the other members of the unit was, “I am not responsible for errors in the organic element of the system.” Luckily my Leading Chief had a very good sense of humor!
*When an e-mail is sent to ALL, that means that a copy was sent to everybody in the office. It is not necessary for you, as department secretary, to send another copy to everyone in the department. WE ALREADY GOT A COPY FROM THE ORIGINAL SENDER. Attaching several of these to an otherwise blank e-mail and then sending that is even more annoying, as it requires me to actually open an e-mail with no header instead of just hitting the delete key.
*All right, we all got the e-mail announcing that Ms. Smith is retiring and giving the details of the retirement party plans. Is it really necessary to send another copy of the announcement a week later, then another one reminding us that today is the last time to sign up for the party/contribute to the gift, then another one the day of the party? Assuming that those of us who are interested did not bother to save/print a copy of the initial announcement or jot it down on a calendar, there is a printed copy on the bulletin board in the elevator lobby ON EVERY FLOOR OF THE BUILDING. And it’s not like we don’t get at least two copies of every one of these e-mails due to our helpful secretary (see above rant).
So, my friend from Microsoft told me this story several years ago about a developer working on Outlook who was trying to test the mailing-list features. He particularly wanted to test how Outlook stored and managed really big mailing lists. So he took about ten thousand names at random from the company directory and made them into a mailing list.
Unfortunately one of those random employees was cleaning out his e-mail and discovered that he was subscribed to a mailing list he didn’t recognize. What did this second employee do? That’s right. He e-mailed everyone on the list asking “Hey, what’s this list for?”
Chaos ensued. A few percent of the people who got the message immediately replied to all, saying “Yeah, me too. What’s this list for?” Then another few percent, wondering why they suddenly had hundreds of “me too” e-mails in their inbox, replied to all to ask “Why am I getting all this e-mail?” Then some more people replied to all, saying “Stop replying to all!” Millions of messages, flying back and forth. Microsoft’s corporate e-mail server was brought completely to its knees for a day.
They made t-shirts to commemorate the event. They had the name of the mailing list on the front and “me too!” on the back. Go figure.
My math teacher announced his password in class once. It was “password.”
Seriously, though, why doesn’t your company disallow replying to announcement mails? All of our listservs, except one made more fun, do not allow anyone but admins to send messages.
Someone, somewhere in my company decided to update a database and needed to collect information. Easiest way to do that is to send out a company wide e-mail asking the questions they needed answered. They specifically stated that if the e-mail did not pertain to you to please ignore. So a few people answered him/her but instead of just replying to him/her they hit the “Respond To All”, making their response a mass e-mail. The following is a portion of what I received in my inbox at work that day, names have been changed to protect the innocent:
In between we also got a few e-mails from the Notes administrator to knock this off but people still keep replying to them. Its a wonder this company hasn’t been run into the ground yet. Did I mention we are a technology company?
My mother and MIL are notorious for doing this. I thought it was VERY funny when my mother had her AOL locked up because she replied to all and ended up trying to send over 200 emails at once. She didn’t even LOOK to see what she was doing. AOL shut her down because she was sending “bulk” email.
One of my pet peeves is people that, no matter HOW many times you tell them, continue to send 20 forwards a day. They insist on filling the inbox with shit you really DON’T care about. I’m PAGAN people. That means that I (personally) get offended when you send me CHRISTIAN based emails. I’ve TOLD you ALL NUMEROUS times to stop sending me that crap. Can’t you keep your religion to yourself?!?!? I do it for you so PLEASE extend the same respect to me.
Network admin here. Dogmom, can I kiss you? We have this problem every once in a while and I managed to avert one such incident yesterday. It’s bad enough when the message goes to everyone on site (1000+); it’s vastly worse when the message goes to the whole company (> 50K).
I’m surprised someone in my company hasn’t done that yet. RadioWave, yours reminded me (for some weird reason) of another exchange of emails that took place recently: