Ok, I “fucked up” by using the term “Fuck-up”. Free spirit, or even Fuck-off might have been better. As I stated earlier, my post wasn’t fully thought out and poorly written.
Lets say I envy all three: fuck-ups, offs and free spirits. The reason I chose the first term was because I’d just finished reading ‘Forced entries’ by Jim Carroll and It got me to thinking about people who lead fucked up lives. Everyone knows at least one person (or is that person) who was like that.
There was this guy on my block when I was growing up, who was a complete drunk who still lived with his parents (he was mid 30s). He was the one guy on the entire block who would sit and talk to the kids, for hours simetimes, and everyones parents let him because he was harmless, just fucked up. He talked to us all as fellow humans instead of kids, which was alien to us. I’m sure his life has turned out horribly in many ways and I’d never want it for myself, but somehow, in the end, these people lead extremely interesting lives and shine a little more than normal people do in a weird way. They also are remembered by and touch more people.
The stuff about changing my life has to do with my present situation. I’ve been out of work on an injury for just over two years. I’m not complaining at all because it could be much worse. It just leaves me barren of any livelihood I could expect to have unless I change my craft. I’ve always worked with my hands.
The stuff tumbling around in my head is the result of having nothing BUT time and the opportunity to choose a new path and start down it. I am still no closer to know what I want to do and i just don’t want to piss this opportunity away. Not everyone gets to be so, let’s call it lucky for optimisms sake.
I don’t really want to change my life drastically now that I think about it but I long for more control of it while my kids are still kids. I just get itchy here in limbo sometimes, but I know nothing lasts forever.
As far as the mortgage goes, I’m holding my own like (hopefully) everyone else is.
I am glad I posted though because some of you have really interesting stories and thoughtful responses.
A gigantic fuck-up (and yes, it’s the right term) checking in.
I could write down a list simialr to MrVisible’s of my life’s fuck-ups. Or are they accomplishments? I get so confused. The realization of my sexual nature is different, however. It turns out, after all these years, that I’m unisexual.
In a more serious vein, say the right pulmonary, I’d look at the choices you’ve made, Rooves, and think, “Man, is that guy’s life fucked up!” I can’t imagine having kids voluntarily: Never have, probably never will. Although there may be some bullets left in the gun, I can only see them being shot against some latex Kevlar. I’ve always made the joke, “Sure, I want kids. Just let me know when they’ve been graduated from college so’s I can talk to them.”
I thought my life was in shambles until I read this thread. I live in my sister’s garage (which I’m remodeling) and only found work a couple of weeks ago after a ten month period of unemployment. My car doesn’t work, is uninsured and unregistered. I have no health insurance, nothing towards my retirement, and can move out of state at the drop of a hat.
Ah. There’s the rub. I remember reading how someone once defined the opposite of freedom to be security. Do you want to own a home and quit paying the landlord’s mortgage? OK. Just don’t lose your job, bubba. You want to have children and experience those particular joys I never will? Good on ya. But there’s no backing out.
I sometimes think I’m a coward for not taking on the responsibilties and duties that my siblings have. Three of them have children and all five of them own homes. They have terrific lives. I love them and they love me. But I can make choices that lead me anywhere I want, whenever I want. And I do. I’ve been having snow dreams lately and am thinking about going skiing. Maybe Colorado. Maybe for four or five years. Yeah. That ought to do it.
I want both and can probably get them (at least the financial security). I am a huge fuck up btw. Id rather not go into detail about what has happened to me though for fear the stigma will work against me when i post on SD but rest assured i have had an interesting and/or very awkward life. Has this put me at an advantage in life i wouldn’t have had had it not been for the fuck up periods? Yes it has, on a variety of levels. However the trauma of certain periods are going to haunt me until i die. Its a mixed blessing, like vomiting when you have food poisoning.
My goal in life is to get a BS in chemistry and, by being as frugal as possible, purchase a 3 unit apartment. after i pay it off early the profits on that should be enough to live on, making me technically ‘set for life’ as long as i live a frugal lifestyle.
so while people my age are fantasizing about Benz’s and strippers im fantasizing about investing enough to make $900/month and never have to work again. The freedom will be wonderful when i get it.
Some of my friends denounce me for not wanting ‘the american dream’. i dont want kids, or a wife, or to make $3k a month and spend $3100 on lexuses & a 5 bedroom house. Being chained to ‘stuff’ and fear of the status quo is a life i would never take.
What happens to us fuck ups after the grow up? I assume they end up like everyone else, just a little more interesting.
