So as a kid, I never had to work but for a few hours of school each day and some easy schoolwork (counting in copious, long vacation periods including 3 months of summer), I got to live in a nice house and play games all the time, and people picked up after me and did my laundry.
Now I have to do everything for myself and work all the time just to maintain a 1-bedroom apartment that isn’t nearly as nice as the house I grew up in. In theory, I have more freedom and control over my life than I did as a child (the one thing I was really looking forward to in adulthood since autonomy is important to me), but I don’t have enough money to do a lot of interesting things, nor do I have nearly as much time and energy due to all the working and just being older (though I’m only 26 - and I know it only gets worse in this department).
Looking at it like this, it seems like a pretty shitty deal. How is one supposed to cope with that kind of transition and be happy about it?
Well, you could marry someone who can support you and take care of you in the style to which you were accustomed.
Or you can quit focusing on what you don’t have and concentrate on what you do have, and what you need to do to get what you want.
At 26, I bought my first house and my third car (in a row, not all at the same time) and I learned the joys of being responsible for my own stuff, not someone else’s place that I rented. There was the fun stuff, like painting and decorating and gardening to my tastes, and the no-so-fun stuff, like having to replace a bad furnace or old windows, or shoveling my own walk and driveway.
Of course, I didn’t have the luxury of being spoiled - I had chores as far back as I can remember, even in the summer. And being the eldest of 5, I was the live-in family babysitter from the time I was about 12. So maybe getting out on my own and having my own place truly was freeing for me.
As to coping and being happy about it - welcome to real life. How you deal with it tells the world who you are. That’s not meant to be snarky, it’s just the way it is.
Well you went from a good deal to a bad deal, it would be not normal to feel otherwise.
Most children like to “grow up,” because they can have independence, but if your parents gave you as much independence as you wanted that is negligible.
The other way to look at it is this. You see what you used to have, suppose your folks die or lose it all somehow. At least by being independent you have a decent time to adjust.
Better to learn to be self sufficent, slowly then to learn it as a result of your parents dying and your facing the eviction notice
Heh, if my parents died I’d inherit a substantial sum and wouldn’t have to worry about finances much at all. As much as I hated being dependent on them, and hate asking for money, I sort of feel like they owe me more than they have given me. Think of it like alimony - you get accustomed to a certain standard of living, right?
I’m also aware of how entitled that sounds and the reality is that nobody owes you anything in the world, etc. etc. And I actually feel like I have my “shit together” more than a lot of people my age even though many have gone through the milestones of marriage/having children/buying a house by this point that I have not yet gone through. But nonetheless, it doesn’t really change my gut emotional desires or alleviate my depression about the current situation.
Once again, I’m grateful to my mom for being tough on us as kids. I asked her about it once, and she said, “Life is tough. I knew I wouldn’t be doing you kids any favours by being easy on you.”
It is a pretty whiny, immature rant, Rigamarole, but I can see your point, that your parents gave you a cock-eyed view of what life was like.
Like I said, that’s a feeling. I understand the intellectual arguments against it and I want to make my own way in the world and all, but how am I not supposed to feel disheartened by the sudden monumental shift in effort required to achieve rewards/benefits that were more or less handed to me before? I had a relatively good start in life and I’m grateful for that, but I know that I didn’t get the best start possible that my parents could have afforded and I can’t help but feel a little envious of the trust fund kids who do (some of whom I’ve known personally that are living lives of relative leisure and decadence - and they do work but they can afford to pursue the opportunities that they “really want” to pursue, and don’t have to worry about making rent if it doesn’t work out).
Sex, booze, porn, control over your spending money, your own place… really, I’m hard-pressed to figure out why I’d want to go back to being a kid again.
What the hell are you talking about? You’ve lived a life of utter privilege up to almost this point compared to everyone in the world except for a handful of people, and you’re pissed off that you weren’t in that handful? Seriously, what is wrong with your mindset?
Well, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. It sure has come with a hearty helping of guilt though. Not just from society at large but even from my own family - and I won’t get into a lot of family details but mine was dysfunctional in many ways and less than nurturing, using “stuff” as a proxy for love.
You should think about this and whether you want to go through YOUR life regarding “stuff” as the most important thing and “being easy” as the the most important attribute an accomplishment can have. As an adult, you have the choice to reject the way you were raised and begin your own way of living that feels right to you. Choosing how you live your life is the very best part of being a grownup. Your mission, should you choose to accept it.
On the other hand, you could just continue to go through life miserable because you believe that who ever has the most stuff wins and everyone richer than you must be happier than you.
It sure has come with a hearty helping of guilt though. Not just from society at large but even from my own family - and I won’t get into a lot of family details but mine was dysfunctional in many ways and less than nurturing, using “stuff” as a proxy for love.