For over a month now I’ve been planning a short little vacation for this weekend. It’s going to be a beach vacation. It’s not terribly far from here.
For the past several weeks the weather here has been terrible. Cold, cloudy, rainy, gloomy. Last week I started looking at the ten-day forecast, and almost every day of my vacation was supposed to be not just rainy, but all day thunderstorms, if not outright snow. But as the date draws nearer, the weather is getting better and better. Today is perfect. Tomorrow will be even nicer. My boss even told me that the weekend is going to be awesome.
This is not the first time this has happened. Last summer it was cold and rainy when I headed to Martha’s Vineyard. It poured for the first ten minutes I was there, then cleared up for the rest of the week.
In fact, I’ve taken something like 25 or 30 beach vacations in the past decade, and only one was rained out. That’s pretty impressive. Hardly a coincidence.
What could account for this? The only logical conclusion that a reasonable person could draw is that I cause sunshine and warm weather. Oh, not everywhere I go, all the time. Just when I go on vacation.
Something else occurred to me. Good weather is good for business. Day trippers don’t usually say “It’s cold and rainy, let’s head to the beach and visit a bunch of ticky tacky tourist shops.” No, they only do that when the weather is awesome. When the Sun shines, merchants make money.
So what’s the upshot of all this? I should charge for this shit! Smart merchants in touristy areas should pay me a fee for bringing them business. I don’t think it’s asking much to chage mernchants, say, $500 a piece to show up on holiday weekends or for the high summer. It’s a smart business move on their part. It’s an investment.
Businesses aren’t the only ones who could benefit from my services. Potential vacationers would benefit as well. When they ask when I’m going on vacation this year, I could just grin and say that I take most major credit cards.
And my services would be guaranteed, of course. If I go on vacation and it rains, you’ll get credit for next time. With a 15% convenience fee, of course. I have overhead, after all.
It sounds like a flawless plan to me.
So, anyone want to know when I’m taking my mid-summer vacation? I take most major credit cards.