I’ve been wanting to hire a housekeeper for decades. Neither Mrs. H nor I have ever particularly liked housekeeping, and now that we’re older we’re just so fucking tired. But Mrs. H has always steadfastly objected because, and I’m not kidding, she doesn’t want a stranger seeing our dirty house. And for the record, our house bears the dirtiness of two adults living there but has never even approached being squalid, and we’re not hoarders by any definition either.
Things came to a head about a month ago when, for the nth time, I cleaned the house while Mrs. H was “too tired.” The following day, I told her that I’d scheduled Michelle for Tuesday 1-3pm, and she (Mrs. H) was free to go swimming at Aunt Joanie’s pool or stay home, I didn’t care either way, but I’d already PayPal’d Michelle the money. There was anger. There were tears (really!). But I held firm.
Mrs. H did in fact stay home when Michelle came to clean and what do you know, Mrs. H is thrilled beyond words! She’s been back once since then and we’re having her come for two hours once per week. When she finishes the general straightening up she does a side project; yesterday she cleaned our oven!!!
I’m thrilled to have a clean house and I’m thrilled that two and a half decades of fighting about it have come to an end.
We have had cleaners coming once a month for the past few years- starting after some major health issues had my spouse unable to participate in taking care of the house physically in any way. Even though, for now, that’s not true any more, it’s continued to be worth it as:
They do some things we would never do (or maybe would do once a year), but appreciate.
Their arrival forces us to perform a certain level of non-optional straightening up monthly, that would be good even if the cleaner never arrived. We are not tidy people by nature, and both have some executive function challenges, so having something to clean for, but not actually have to get things perfect, has been great.
I think for many people (both my spouse and I, and it sounds like your spouse as well @HeyHomie ) there’s a lot of unverbalized shame, anxiety, and stress around housecleaning. Managing that set of tasks is still not happening in a way that we are both happy all of the time, but having an occasional cleaner really has helped.
For Mrs. H it comes from the trauma of being raised in a gossipy-ass small town and having well-respected grandparents who were Big Fish in this Very Small Pond. To this day she lives and dies by What Other People Think.
Maybe different cleaners are different, but the things that we “clean” ahead of time are generally objects that are not roughly where they belong, and that the cleaner wouldn’t really know where they belong, or would have to spend time dealing with before they can actually do the cleaning we don’t want to do.
Books, paperwork, opened mail, and random objects that end up on various surfaces or the floor.
Dishes and kitchen items.
Some number of paper grocery bags and/or other cardboard recycling that doesn’t always make it out to the bins. Some of that is intentional as our cat likes to play with the paper bags in particular (if we are not straightening up for company or the cleaner, there is always a bag or two out for the cat).
I’m sure for some households these are not things that have to be taken care of, but for us they are. My take on a cleaner that makes it feel like an appropriate solution is that if there’s something I would be doing within 48 hours (ie anything kitchen related) or if it’s something that needs to be put away somewhere particular, I/we should do it. I don’t want to have to hunt for items, and I don’t want the cleaner to not be able to spend their limited time cleaning because they had to navigate a random collection of objects, or they have to do last night’s dishes for a 1/2 hour.
Having had a weekly housekeeper for ~40 years now, IMO IME this is how to play the game: …
Before the cleaning person / team shows up, your job is not to clean a damned thing. Not even a puddle of fresh still-wet coffee in the center of the foyer. Trust me, they’ve seen worse.
Your job is only to reduce clutter and stuff laying about that they would have to clean around. If it can be put away, you must put it away. If it’s trash / recycling / etc., you must put it in or adjacent to your container(s), not some random place on the floor or table where [whoever] dropped it yesterday.
Bottom line:
They can’t (efficiently) clean around your clutter. Nor can they stow it away for you. They can efficiently clean your messes. And your accumulated gunk & grunge. Give them a soluble problem and they’ll do miracles for you for rather little money. Hand them a clutter-bomb and the place will be cleaner, but look just as bad, 12 person-hours later.
We have cleaners every 2 weeks, and have for years. What you are buying is time, and peace of mind. You no longer spend the time on evenings or weekends stressing and cleaning, yah?
We are fairly tidy people to begin with, so the pre-cleaner picking up is fairly minimal. The idea is to not impede them from cleaning surfaces and floors. So, no dishes in the sink, or laundry piles. Books, magazines, mail, and desktop stuff gets piled up neatly.
I have a weekly cleaning lady (who has been with me for around 40 years!)
When my Mum and Dad were retired, I hired a cleaning lady for them (to save Mum some time and effort.).
The cleaning lady told me she had little to do … because Mum cleaned the whole house just before the cleaning lady arrived.
Best thing we ever did, over 10 years ago was hire one. Curious story. A friend asked if we would be interested in his. We said, “Sure” and she came over to take a look and said, “No.” I guess it was just too messy for her. But she suggested that her sister was between jobs and might be interested, at least for a short term. We decided to try it. She came and I happened to mention that there was a hole in the garage ceiling that a plumber had made while repairing a leaky radiator above. She said, "Oh my husband can fix that and emailed him a picture on the spot.
They both came the following week and he fixed the hole while she cleaned. I happened to mention that there was a bad place in one ceiling where a roof, now replaced, had leaked. The following week, the two of them, working together, put in a new ceiling and the week after that they painted it. She eventually got a job as head of housekeeping at a downtown hotel, but they enjoyed working together so much that they always come together. They clean, but most importantly, he is some kind of engineer and any little job that needs doing, he will do it. Home handyman, par excellence.
I pay them CDN140 for an hour and a half. And CDN500 at Christmas. And I almost forgot. On one occasion, my wife had a doctor’s appointment downtown and I was prepared to take a taxi because parking is impossible. “No, no, we will drive you,” he said. And they did. The woman accompanied us to the appointment while he waited in the car, in front of a hydrant, for well over an hour and then drove us home. Would not take a cent. Best decision ever.
That’s not out of the normal range elsewhere. We pay our cleaning lady $160 every two weeks for about 3-4 hours of work.
But… Hiring help is a game changer. I can’t really articulate how much better things are with other people mowing and cleaning, even if it’s not the cheapest approach.
We retired and moved. Our new house is twice the size of our old house.
We now have cleaners come in twice a month. We shut guest rooms off if they have not been used. Also shut off is my office and a storage area.
It’s just great. And it makes us stay on top of any clutter, and organize a bit.
When they come, we go out for a leisurely lunch and stay out of their way. You’d think that being retired, we would have lots of time to do this ourselves, but we are busier than ever.
One woman speaks pretty good English, the other is nearly deaf and a Ukrainian that does not speak a word of English. We can communicate with translator apps on our phones. We put up a small Ukrainian flag and a Peace sign in the back yard. She had us take her picture by it.
Our lease payment at Da Home includes once a week housekeeping. It’s not a deep clean, and only includes dusting once a month and doesn’t include getting under the furniture, but it does include the bathrooms, vacuuming/mopping, countertops, microwave and trash/recycling removal. It’s not perfect, but it really helps. I get out the vac and get under the furniture from time to time, and occasionally use the Swiffer. They also don’t do dishes, which is fine, but will clean the oven if asked.
Earlier this year when I was recovering from extensive hospitalization and adjusting to my new lack of mobility I hired The Cleaning Authority to spend two hours cleaning out the bathroom off off my bedroom which was, to be honest, filthy. It was expensive, but they did more than I thought they would be able to do in the time allotted.
While my mobility has improved, I decided that I can no longer keep up with general housework, so I called Molly Maids to get an estimate on regular housekeeping services. They’re cheaper than The Cleaning Authority, and more flexible. After an initial two hour “deep cleaning” I can set up a schedule for hourly cleaning as needed.
I will be spending some time before the first visit decluttering the kitchen; the counters are piled with stuff that I should find space for in the cabinets, or toss in the “to be donated” bin.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Being married to someone who filters everything they think, say, or do through the filter of Will This Embarass Me Or The Family? She tries to gatekeep what I post on social media for this very reason.
I cannot convince her that a) Mema and Pops are dead, b) this isn’t the 80’s, and c) NO ONE FUCKING CARES.
