This smilie expresses my sentiment:
I had been flirting with this girl, Debbie. She works at the health club I go to behind my house. After numerous conversations, eye batting, exchanging phone numbers, we decided to hang out today (Saturday). She told me to call her at 11:00. I did this and nobody picked up. After sitting around in frustration for 45 minutes, she calls. I said “whew! I thought you had shot me down.” Then she says, “Well I hate to say this but I am going to have to.” Then the unexpected follows. Then she reveals the fact that she is married and going through a messy divorce, and her life is hectic right now. My god i’m only 21 she is 20 and is married. This blew my mind. I would never get married till i’m at least 25 (more like 30) no matter what. Well I asked her if she had kids and she said no, thank god. Then there were just long pauses and the conversation ended. I’m really bummed that I got led on. This has not happened to me before. I am a very sensitive guy and this has all left me very hurt. ::wallowing::
Hey, look at it this way. At least she was nice enough to let you know. I mean, would you have wanted to be emotionally involved with her in the midst of all that turmoil? Many women would have just kept it all a secret until it was too late for you to extricate yourself without a lot of heartbreak. She, after a lot of innocent flirting and then probably quite a bit more soul-searching, was totally honest with you. In the face of a rather obvious attraction, she could have just gone with it, and to hell with the consequences. She did not, and I think that proves that she’s not that bad of a person at all.
Maybe when she gets her head straightened out, she’ll pick things up where they left off. Maybe not. But either way, I think she did the right thing with you. There’s no way she was ready for any sort of relationship, not even casual dating. She may have thought she was, but she was capable of the introspection that made her realize she wasn’t, and that one thing probably saved you quite a bit of grief in the long run. Don’t look at it as being shot down, look at it as her doing you a favor.
Not the end of the world. Just don’t let the bad experience ruin your outlook. Dust yourself off and get back on the proverbial horse. Everybody gets rejected at some point. The main thing is to not let fear of future rejection keep you out of the game.
Keep your confidence. It’s sort of a Catch-22. Women are attracted to confidence, in my experience, but it’s hard to maintain that confidence in the face of rejection. If you can maintain that air of confidence (and fake it if you have to), then you will do fine. (Let me quickly clarify that I do mean confidence, and not arrogance.)
This woman may be a lost cause. Pining for her and getting all doe-eyed and melancholy over her will not win her, though. Of that much I am certain. Keep flirting; she may weaken! Do not let on that you are crushed!
I appriciate your comments, Have you ever thought someone was the one, then to find out you’ve been led on (but now that I think about it I don’t think it was intensional). I’m feeling better now though. She is oviously attracted to me. I suppose I will leave the situation open. She did tell me the timing was really bad. I just thought of this but it may be that since she is not divorced yet she doesn’t want to commit adultery. Or likewise her mom convinced her to avoid a relationship until the divorce is finalized. I am starting to feel more weird about it than upset. There are plenty more fish in the sea, so I will be scanning the perimeter so to speak searching…searching…(radar is currently blank except for one faint blip)
Messing with someone on the rebound always seems great at first, but then the rebounding starts and its a mess. I’d say it worked out just fine for you.
Give your children these two things: One is roots, the other, wings - Wally Wally He’s our Man
Okay, it could be worse. When I was in college, I had this major crush on this one guy that I was fairly good friends with. I asked him to go with me to a dance. My intention was to go as friends, then see what happened. (I did not in any way tell him I was interested, but he might have inferred as much).
He shot me down for the “date,” then proceeded to not talk to me anymore unless he had to. I felt horrible.
I never hate myself in the morning. I sleep till noon.
–Sig line courtesy of Wally
I can only repeat what the other posters said. It probably seems pretty crappy right now, but it could be worse-- if you two had gotten more involved, it would have hurt more. Like you said, perhaps she does not want to get in a relationship until she has her divorce sorted out. There’s always the future, man. In the meantime, try to find something to take your mind off it. . . when I’m feeling down, I try hanging out with my friends, attempting to write music or just play it, or go lift weights. Find something that works for you.
I wish that I and the girl I was dating hadn’t rushed into a relationship…she has some things she has to deal with in her life, and it probably isn’t the best time for me for a relationship either. I’ve got fond memories of the time she and I spent together, though. But I’m rambling about myself now, which I what I do when I’m tired.
I can only repeat what the other posters said. It probably seems pretty crappy right now, but it could be worse-- if you two had gotten more involved, it would have hurt more. Like you said, perhaps she does not want to get in a relationship until she has her divorce sorted out. There’s always the future, man. In the meantime, try to find something to take your mind off it. . . when I’m feeling down, I try hanging out with my friends, attempting to write music or just play it, or go lift weights. Find something that works for you.
I wish that I and the girl I was dating hadn’t rushed into a relationship…she has some things she has to deal with in her life, and it probably isn’t the best time for me for a relationship either. I’ve got fond memories of the time she and I spent together, though. But I’m rambling about myself now, which I what I do when I’m tired.
I’m sorry that you feel like you ‘got shot down’, and I’m with Drain Bead, that she was honest with you AND she was attracted to you too, that’s a GOOD thing to remember in this.
Besides, she’ll remember how classy of a guy you’ve been, and maybe ya’ll will hook up later, hey, ya never know.
It is the next day now and I don’t feel good or bad about it, it’s out of my mind now.
Thanks for all your advice everyone, I really did appriciate it.
That’s funny yesterday I lifted weights and wrote a song.
Well I went to the health club today…as I was leaving I ran into her (who I haven’t seen since the above incedent). It’s weird how it happened though. As I was leaving (the club) this girl at the front desk said, “hey come over here” I did but on my way over I ran into Debbie. We talked a short while and she mentioned she got a new car among other things and at the end of the conversation she said her divorce date is August 3. I also asked her how things were going and she said, “a lot better.” I expected if we saw each other again she would give me the cold shoulder, but no–she was flirty and talkative. Mabye something will work out of this. I’ll give it time. I also felt it strange that as I was going to flirt with the “girl at the front desk” Debbie cuts me off (I know it wasn’t intended though, just weird timing). Any thoughts fellow posters? Should I wait for her to ask the question? Should I ask her if she thinks she is ready for another relationship? I do like her, and i’m quite sure she likes me.
Do not let on that you are crushed!
Have you ever thought someone was the one, then to find out you’ve been led on (but now that I think about it I don’t think it was intensional). I’m feeling better now though. She is oviously attracted to me. I suppose I will leave the situation open. She did tell me the timing was really bad. I just thought of this but it may be that since she is not divorced yet she doesn’t want to commit adultery. Or likewise her mom convinced her to avoid a relationship until the divorce is finalized. I am starting to feel more weird about it than upset. There are plenty more fish in the sea, so I will be scanning the perimeter so to speak searching…searching…(radar is currently blank except for one faint blip)