I had a brush with death today (or: How to almost blow yourself up in China)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Today started out as a fairly normal day.

After eating and working for a few hours I decided to have a couple of beers and smoke about a pack of cigarettes while I watched some interesting programming on CNN (believe it or not, they have their moments).

I was nice and relaxed and on my second beer of the evening when I suddenly couldn’t find my lighter. No worries, I spotted another one on the table in front of me, stood up and attempted to light a cigarette, when… : KAKABOOOOM!

I had absolutely no idea what had happened, but two things led me to believe I was still alive, despite the stars I was seeing and the deafening ringing in my ears. First of all, I was definitely lying on my bed, and I’m sure Hell would never let you bring your own bed. Secondly, I had tobacco in my mouth, which is not Heaven’s style, as far as I know.

After a moment I realized that my lighter had indeed exploded violently in my face, my hand and forehead had red marks and were very soar to the touch, but no blood. The cigarette was blown apart, half of it ending up in my mouth. There were burning bits of it on my sheet and lots of holes had been burned through it.
And my ears hurt like hell, man, that was one hell of bang.

I found shards of the lighter all over my room, and my diagnosis was that it was indeed the cheap Chinese lighter I had bought and attemptede to fix after it locked up on me. I had removed the little metal thing from the top and messed with the gas emition thingy, like I had done dozens of times in at least three other countries before.
Something had gone terribly wrong when I tried to use it days later, though I cannot begin to understand exactly what the problem was. Of course it was a rather big lighter, made out of very thick plastic and almost completely full, so I probably should have known it could make a big bang.

Still, it’s not exactly something you expect…

All in all, it was more interesting and exciting than annoying or frightening, explaining why this thread is not in the pit. It may not be a mundane event to me, but it’s pretty pointless stuff I must share none the less.

— G. Raven

2

Had there been some sort of rascally rabbit in your room?

3

Ehhh… no. :smiley:

My main problem with the whole event is that my blanket was all burned up and I’m not supposed to smoke in the house, no biggy.

— G. Raven

4

At least you weren’t smoking pot. That stuff will kill ya.

5

Does the Surgeon General know about this?

6

LMAO :smiley:

7

The stuff wouldn’t kill me, the People’s Liberation Army would however parade me into a sports stadium with a sign on my chest saying “I betrayed the Chinese people” and summarily execute me in front of a roaring crowd.

I think I’ll stick to my Tsingtao beer while I’m in China, thank you. Don’t know about my upcoming trip to Amsterdam though :smiley:

— G. Raven

8

You mean the Acupuncturist General :smiley:

— G. Raven

9

I sticking with my good ol’ made-in-the-USA Zippo[sup]TM[/sup]!

10

How do you reconcile the above statements with each other?

11

I’m not 100% sure what you mean, but here goes.

I’ve tweaked lighters that have almost no flame many times in an effort to get them to work better, without incident. However, it’s probably not something the lighter company is like to approve of, so I’m probably on my own in the unlikely event of a mishap.

I guess the statistics just caught up with me in the end, even though I think the damned thing was defective to begin with.
:smiley:

— G. Raven

12

I love those things but never realized they were such a loose cannon, so to speak.

You’re not drinking that nice Yanjiang swill? Actually, for a cheap brewdog, Tsingtao might be my fav.

How can you stand Beijing? They can’t speak Mandarin, the weather sucks, and you get dust storms that would choke a pig but what do I know???

13

Oh, no, it wasn’t the singing Mao lighter, I loves those too. In fact, I’ll stick to them from now on :smiley:
It was these see-through coloured plastic crap ones I got from some cigarette vendor on a country road that caused the problem.

As for Beijing, I love it! The weather is great these days (I lived in Iceland before I moved here, so 95 degrees at this time of year is a welcome change.)
The Mandarin is quite unusual, you have to add a ERRH sound on the end of everything, very weird :smiley: But on the plus side you get to live close to the Chairman!

Gotta HATE that Gobi dust though. :frowning:

Where do you live now btw, I read in some thread that you had lived all over the Middle Kingdom (and it’s renagade island provinces, wink-wink nudge-nudge) :wink:

— G. Raven

14

“How to almost blow yourself up in China”?

For a moment there, I was sure you were going to tell us you were a ten-year-old posting from an elementary school-cum-fireworks factory . . .

15

Oh, so you made what most of my friends call a “crack lighter” then? You know, the kind where the low setting has approximately a 4" flame, and the high setting has at least a 6" flame. Those are fun to play with, but I nearly set my hair on fire trying to fuse some nylon braided cord with one of those because my friend didn’t warn me that it was a crack lighter on the high setting. Just be careful about what kind of lighter you buy next time.

Also, how long has it been since you moved to Beijing?
[sub]Oh, and out of curiosity, would it be a problem for you to tell me what the G stands for in G. Raven, assuming it’s your first name?[/sub]

16

No, the flame was just almost non existant so I figured I’d “crack lighter it” to get the flame normal. Apparently it was just broken in some terrible way, no blockage problem :smiley:

I’ve lived here for about seven months now, and lovin’ it :smiley:

My first name is Gunnar and my second name is actually Hrafn, but it literally means Raven and no one can pronounce Hrafn, so I’ve often thought about just changing it.

— G. Raven

17

well, coming from Iceland maybe explains why you like the weather. Have you had the pleasure of Beijing in the Summer?

I’ve pretty much settled in Shanghai (wife, kid, house, the whole 9 yards) but lived for several years each in Taiwan, HK, southwest China and a few years in Tokyo as well.

Looks like you guys have a shot at the olympics.

18

A shot??? If we don’t get it, it’s goodbye Taiwan :smiley:

This is my first summer (well, spring) in Beijing btw, so far it’s very nice, 95 degrees and all.

How are things down in Shanghai these days? We should have a dopefest (the FIRST Asian dopefest?) if I ever go there, or if you have any business up here in the “North Capital” :smiley:

— G. Raven