I had a dream that I had a giant weiner-dog named Flavius. He was nine feet long and had twelve legs. But he wasn’t particularly taller than your average weiner dog. Eech leg was maybe three inches long.
Although he was clearly not a snake, his body would slither like one, with each pair of legs always directly following the one in front. He liked to make lots of "S"es.
Flavius confessed to me that he was depressed, as he could not find a mate. After all, there weren’t any twelve-legged weiner-bitches in the entire Metropolitan area. He checked. So I set about to remedy the situation. I irradiated my fire-escape garden with powerful gamma rays, and caused a centipede to mutate and grow to fantastic proportions.
After all this effort, Flavius rolled his little weiner-eyes at me and said, “I don’t do insects.”
“It’s a chilopod!” I retorted, “a mutant chilopod!” But this did not convince him. Poor Flavius hurled himself off the fire-escape and plunged to his death.
Aw, I wish I had cute dreams like that! The other night I dreamt I was forced to have sex with Pamela Anderson for some reality tv show. I was scared because it was going to be BDSM and she had sucked the eyeballs out of her last partner. I woke up wondering if it was even possible for someone to suck someone’s eyeballs out.