Foxy, there is always someone who tells you your experiences are not valid.
In answer to your question, while it was a bad upbringing, I knew it was bad at the time.
As I said, my parents aren’t permitted to discipline my children and they honor my rights to call the shots as a parent. They are well aware I don’t believe in corporal punishment. They aren’t psychopaths. It is just that they sucked as parents which I didn’t realize until late in life. Hence this thread.
You sound like you doubt her! Fact is, many abusive parents turn out to be wonderful grandparents. It’s weird. I think mine would have been great grandparents, too.
Gatopescado your short answer would be no would it? I kind of like those sort of responses, it either means the person has no idea what the OP is talking about which is great, or that they can’t remember, which might be no so great.
Foxy40 My mind blocked out a lot of the bad stuff initally but I remember making a decision to leave home as soon as I could as a small child. When I got to the age when I could do so I couldn’t clearly remember the reasons. A lot of it has come back to me over the years, I think having kids can trigger memories, I’ve noticed friends freaking out when their kids reach whatever age relates to abuse.
My mother calling me for breakfast on Sunday morning while my dad held me down under the sheets. Not getting breakfast, having my mother angry and worried, not being able to say why; being a bad, disobedient, careless, hungry, confused, decietful, lying, smelly child. My heart sometimes still skips a beat when someone calls my name - have I done / am I doing something wrong?
At that point I knew I had to get out of there, but if you’d asked me at 16 - 18 about my childhood I would have described quite an idyllic scene.
I think quite often, it takes distance and repeated occurrences of seeing people model behavior that differs from what the now adult child sees as normal in order to realize the extent of the abuse. I certainly don’t think it’s a failing not to recognize it sooner and I hope that’s not why you’re wondering.
What I did learn when I fully in my late twenties, is that not all families are like this, in that some families support each other and truly love each other. Often - but not always - the products of these families can’t even comprehend what we’ve been through. Sometimes they think we are exaggerating, or lying or some such.
In other words, I knew my situation was screwed up, but I pretty much figured all families were f-ed up in some way or another. Then I met my SO’s family. How they all get along!