I hate Christmas. And I’m fed up with being told to stop being a grumpy Scrooge when I say so.
I am not grumpy. I appreciate fun, goodwill to all men (and women) and celebrations as much as anyone. I think the world could do with more of all these things, and not just once a year. But it has to be said that Christmas sucks.
I am not eight years old. I do not believe in Santa and I will not be opening a heap of toys on Christmas morning. All I know is that Christmas means short, dark, dismal days. Obscene commercialism and constant urgings to be a good little consumer and spend more money that you can afford, buy lots of crap you don’t need, eat too much and be assured that only consumption is the true route to happiness.
Christmas means lots of lights and neighbours acting out this ridiculous one-up-manship of garish, flashing, colour-shifting decorations enough to divert air traffic away from the airports. No, your illuminated snowman with animated robin perched on the head does not look cheery, funny or pretty. What would look cheery, funny or pretty is a real snowman and a real robin. Your display just looks like a macarbe mockery and homage to cheap chinese electronics and plastics
Christmas means that all other things must stop. You know, the actual real-life things that I actually enjoy. Everything gets cancelled because we are obliged to hide away in our homes watching bad Christmas TV specials and “blockbuster” films we saw three years ago in the cinema, then a year ago on video.
Christmas means enforced jollyality on other’s terms. “It’s Chrrrriiissstmas!” is the battle cry of every half-wit who suddenly believes they have licence to act an arse and demand your participation. Christmas means they know what’s best for you. Sorry, but if something is not my idea of fun for the other 11 months of the year, what the hell gives you the right to force it on me in December?
I hate the whole hype surrounding the event. I hate how it gets worse every year. I hate the whole build up to it that promises so much yet ultimately never delivers. It is a vulgar, brash, shallow trick.
Next week: I Hate New Year Just As Much Christmas