I hate flying!

The BBQ Pit
1

I have just returned from a seven week tour of the United States (awesome). The trip was almost perfect, except for one thing.

The plane, the fucking plane!

The plane ride home was just awful!

The plane was a 747-200, which I thought would be a fairly new plane. But inside, oh my, it was just ratty. I flew economy class which has been more than satisfactory every other time I have flown, but the condition that the plane was in just made it unbearable. It looked like the inside of a train carriage.

Then the inflight entertainment fucked up. I like to listen to music on a trip. It makes the trip seem shorter. So imagine my dismay when I tried to tune in to the station, but came up only with static! The only music that piped through clearly was a spanish music channel. Great for all the spanish people aboard,but what about the rest of us non spanish speaking individuals?

Instead of music, I decided to watch the inflight movie. Halfway through, it fucked up and the captain’s voice piped through on the intercom.
“So sorry folks. We seem to be having a problem with our video player. We’ll try to retify the situation.”
Thank you so very much mr. man. The situation remained the same for the rest of the damn flight!

And when I had finally strapped myself in and prepared myself for sleep, again, the captain came on over the intercom, telling us to buckle our seatbelts as we were going to experience some light turbulence. Well, pardon me for misunderstanding, but when someone says “light turbulence” I expect a few bumps for a couple of minutes. What I did not expect was feeling like we were going to take a nosedive into the ocean for the next two hours! Granted, this was not the airline’s fault, but fuck, it’s just another reason for me to be pissed off! And being the nervous flyer that I am I sat white knuckled for the next two hours and consequently didn’t sleep a wink.

When the plane finally landed I was frazzled and very, very angry. I issued a complaint and that was that, but I feel sorry for the next poor bastard that has to fly on that plane with that particular airline.

I know that occasionally people experience bad flights. There’s nothing anyone can do about that. I just think that the airline staff should do a better job when it comes to matenience and repair of their aircrafts.

Fuck I hate flying!!!

2

Wow.

It’s obvious you don’t frequent United Airlines, where every goddamn flight is like the one you describe.

Except half the time you don’t even get the luxery of half the in-flight movie.

3

If it’s any consolation, I suspect you’d like the alternative even less.

4

Wasn’t the 747-200 one of the first verions? I think it was produced from the early seventies onwards.

What airline was this?

5

You can only hope that the maintenance of the mechanical parts of the plane isn’t as piss-poor as their maintenance of the interior.

I hate flying too, but it isn’t because the planes are shitty.

I think that many of the airline’s customer-service and image problems could be solved by 10 thoughtful people brainstorming in a conference room for 4 hours. I swear, some of the shit they do is just a no-brainer to fix, from the way they talk to passengers to the way they handle glitches.

Right now, if I were an airline, my #1 mission wouldn’t be slashing fares and promoting specials. I’d be addressing the wait-in-the-airport issue. From what I’ve heard people say, that is the deal-breaker on why more people are choosing to drive instead of fly on certain trips. If you can’t shorten the airport wait, you can make it a lot more pleasurable. Put in a play area for peoples’ kids. Hire some jugglers. Put in those trivia games people play in bars. Give people $1-off coupons for airport concessions (sure, $1 per passenger adds up, but that’s nothing compared to slashing tickets $30-$40 per person). Let people who aren’t handicapped hitch a ride on those carts if there is room.

Those are just a few of my crackpot ideas. The basic principle is this: make your passengers feel you give a shit, and I guaranfuckingtee you they won’t be so hostile about all the other inevitable crap they have to put up with. This is so simple, and I don’t know why they don’t get it. Right now, it’s as if going through the airport doors is like stepping into a boxing ring. The ticket agents and gate agents are just waiting for a reason to snap at you, and you’re waiting for a chance to get your own shot in. Dysfunctional, creepy, and unnecessary.

6

I HATE flying in a large plane, and will only consent to board one if I’m heavily medicated and/or drunk.

A small two-seater is a treat, however. :slight_smile:

7

The airline I flew was Qantas for those who were curious

8

Hey Cranky, I see regular people scooting around on the back of those carts all the time when I’m in airports. They just drive around and people jump on and off. Some of them have tried to offer me a lift, but I try to get in extra walking whenever I can so I always decline.

9

Hey, you can’t diss Qantas!!! It’s the only airline that has NEVER had an accident, according to Raymond Babbitt.
“Uh-oh, 3 minutes to Wapner.”

10

The 747-200 was first delivered in June of 71, the last one November of 91. So, it was at least 10 years old.

It is hard to work up too much enthusiasm for this rant. Generally, I don’t care what the interior of a plane looks like as long as the engines go round and round. And even under the best conditions the music piped in sucks ass and the movies blow. I always bring a book or two so I don’t have to deal. Turbulence is always uncomfortable, but it comes with the territory.

11

Mr. Babbit caused a lot of ignorance, apparently.

All airlines without fatal incidents since 1970

There’s tons of 'em, illustrating how safe flying actually is.

FWIW, I thought Quantas had a decent reputation, but I must admit I’ve never flown them.

12

A few years back I boarded a Tower Air 747, and headed towards my seat. After being seated a few minutes, a roach scuttled out from underneath the window. I was like “get me the fuck off this deathtrap”.

13

I took a flight on AirTran (formerly ValuJet) about 6 months ago. Never again.

I discovered that one of the things that separates a good pilot/plane from a crappy pilot/plane is the ability to descend 30,000 feet without you realizing that you’re descending 30,000 feet.

14

I look forward to turbulence - it breaks the monotony.

15

Well, that just means they’re due for one.

16

Qantas has had two accidents, just no fatalities. One was back in the 1960s. In 1999, they ran a 747-400 onto a golf course in Bangkok:

http://www.airdisaster.com/cgi_bin/view_details.cgi?date=09231999&airline=Qantas+Airways

This to me means something or someone fucked up.

17

Short answer: no, it doesn’t.
Long answer: I’ll reserve for if that wasn’t a sarcastic remark and I’m being wooshed.

18

Ender, you’re being wooshed. Arctic was just being sarcastic. It’s a common pessimist joke thing. You know, “An optimist sees the glass as half full, while the pessimist see it as half empty. An optimist thinks that an airline with no accidents is invincible, a pessimist think’s they’re due.”

19

[on plane crashes]

“Mark turned and asked a passenger behind us if these planes ever crashed. Oh yes, he was told, but not to worry – there hadn’t been a serious crash now in months.” – Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See, flying a rickety plane in austral-asia wherein half the guages aren’t working.

20

Yes, but an optimist is dissapointed if he/she’s wrong while the pssimist is never dissapointed!!