I hate little kids.

[Elza_B]

You were at Target yesterday when my two year old kid barfed all over the store, huh?

Sorry about that.

Nah, I’ve noticed I’m a lot more patient with my own kid (2 1/2) than I am with my 3 year old nephew. It’s a good thing my brother and SIL have a reciprocal agreement with me and my husband that we’re allowed to discipline each others’ children (well, except for their 10 month old - but he doesn’t need discipline) because otherwise, I’d be locking their three year old in a closet a lot.

I think I have a good kid, but I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea (and when your child is calling “HEY! Hi! I SAID HI! Mommy, they won’t say hi to me!” to everyone in a store, it’s actually kind of embarrassing.). However, I’m not out to make everyone else’s life miserable when I go out in public with my child (yes, Target employees from last night, I’m looking at YOU.).

However, I’ll admit, most of the time, I much prefer the toddlers to their parents. It’s usually the other parents who are the assholes. Parenthood is a fucking competition, and it’s annoying. I just want to raise a polite kid who gets good grades, has a good life, and doesn’t set things on fire. I don’t need to be competitive about it.

[Chefguy]

I should hasten to add that it’s not that I hate children; I just have no patience with misbehaving children or their helpless parents. I interact with children as I do with adults: no cutesy talk, no gushing over their every drooling utterance. I let them know when I’m displeased with their behavior, and when they are doing something praiseworthy. Don’t think for a moment that they don’t know exactly when they’ve crossed the line of civility.

[MsWhatsit]

@Chefguy

I often warn people with small children that I don’t have the grandpa gene. I don’t like most small children, and babies are just featureless blobs to me. I don’t want to hold them, and it’s impossible to interact with them. “Isn’t she cute?” No, “she” is red lump that is either sleeping, screaming, or gazing about uncomprehendingly. I have no compunction about grabbing a misbehaving grandchild and telling him to knock off the bullshit, and then telling my own child (now a parent) to please teach his children some manners.

You sound like my dad, who is also lacking the “grandpa gene,” which is appropriate, as he also is apparently lacking the “dad gene.” Anyway, one result of this is that he sees us about twice a year, maximum. I say this not to indicate that we are somehow “punishing” him or whatever. It is just the optimally satisfactory solution for everyone involved.

[Hostile_Dialect]

@flight

I swear to God if I see one more rainbow I am going to vomit out my own intestines.

In all seriousness, do you remember being a kid? Children are ugly and horrible human beings who do their best to destroy one another emotionally, mentally and physically. There is nothing cute about child society.

@WOOKINPANUB

Why do they have to shout every damned thing that comes out of their mouth? And more importantly, at what age do they stop doing it? The boyfriend’s 5 year old son is cute for the most part, but jeez, dial it down a little, sport.

Some would say I haven’t stopped yet, and I’m 22 years old.

@MeanOldLady

Everybody hates little kids. And the only people who don’t are birthing the little kids that the rest of us hate.

This username/post content combination is simply priceless.

Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist

[Chefguy]

@MsWhatsit

You sound like my dad, who is also lacking the “grandpa gene,” which is appropriate, as he also is apparently lacking the “dad gene.” Anyway, one result of this is that he sees us about twice a year, maximum. I say this not to indicate that we are somehow “punishing” him or whatever. It is just the optimally satisfactory solution for everyone involved.

Sounds about like my visitation, although I love my kids dearly (the youngest is 30) and would (and have) come to their aid at a moment’s notice. I don’t know your situation, but I’ve always had jobs that have taken me to the far corners of the planet and then lived and worked up here, which is not exactly a good place to find reasonable airfares. I’m going to remedy that soon.

[The_Second_Stone]

@5-HT

I love my best friend’s kid, who I am the atheist godfather to, but yeah, every other kid I’ve ever met is a piece of shit. I’d swim past 100 drowning children to save my dog.

See, you’re just not thinking. Your dog is out there trying to save 100 drowning children and will keep going back until it’s done. If you helped, you would might prevent your dog from dying of exhaustion. I generally prefer dogs to people anyway. You always know where you stand with a dog.

[Green_Bean]

@Northern_Piper

Dilbert: “I’ve concluded that everyone in the world is a weasel.”

Dogbert: “Even cute little kids?”

Dilbert: “Tiny weasels.”

You’re not kidding.

My 6-year-old is a weasel. Or as I prefer to say, is a genius at manipulation. An example:

Somehow, he figured out what behavior pleases people who might give him presents. Now, if someone gives him a present, he

1. Plays like he’s surprised to get it (“A present? For me? Really?”)

2. Thanks them effusively before he even opens it. (“Oh, thank you” ::gives hug:: )

3. Opens it, and gushes over it. (“This is so cool! I always wanted one of these!”)

4. Immediately demonstrates that he is not a selfish jerk by suggesting a way to use the present that involves sharing with others. ("Mommy! We can make this <random craft> together! There’s enough so that we can both use it!)

5. Thanks the giver again, with more hugs and compliments. ("Thank you thank you thank you! You’re the best! ::gives another hug:: )

Result: People like to give him presents. Bigger, better, and more presents.

And I’m just as much of a sucker as anyone else.
In all fairness, he is genuinely grateful for other people’s generosity, and he’s very generous himself. But still…sheesh!

[Elza_B]

@Green_Bean

In all fairness, he is genuinely grateful for other people’s generosity, and he’s very generous himself. But still…sheesh!

Your kid is going to make a great politician or fundraiser someday. Might I suggest a career in non-profits?

[Sitnam]

Fuckin yard monkeys, I built a fence to keep them off my lawn and I’m only 30!

[Ruby]

This ranks right up there with “I love to eat Spam” as one of those phrases that you can’t speak in general conversation.

Breeders expect you to gush over their Little Johnny and spoil their Little Suzie. If you even utter those words in public, people look at you like the anti-christ. <sigh>

I’m not a big fan of babies. They’re not very interesting to me. Toddlers, eh. I prefer them when they can think and rationalize after about 5 or 6. The only thing I enjoy about children is watching that sponge they call a brain develop into a tiny human being. It’s interesting to me to watch three kids from the same parents and how they develop into three separate and distinct human beings. Interesting in a 7th grade science project sort of way.

My stepson and his wife are talking about starting a family so I may end up eating these words and deluge all of you with tales of cooing and pooing… or not.

[Harborwolf]

Insert: “You ever wonder why parents insist on handing you their babies.”

@Chefguy

I often warn people with small children that I don’t have the grandpa gene. I don’t like most small children, and babies are just featureless blobs to me. I don’t want to hold them, and it’s impossible to interact with them. “Isn’t she cute?” No, “she” is red lump that is either sleeping, screaming, or gazing about uncomprehendingly. I have no compunction about grabbing a misbehaving grandchild and telling him to knock off the bullshit, and then telling my own child (now a parent) to please teach his children some manners.

I can tolerate little girls, who are generally better-behaved than little boys, but children between 2 and 5 largely seem to be monsters in today’s world, learning to demand instant gratification at a very early age. Home schooled kids seem to be much better behaved than others.

Christ, that sounds like an Andy Rooney piece.

Now it does.

[movingfinger]

For me, W. C. Fields said it best to Baby Leroy: “Go 'way, kid. Ya bother me!”

[Vox_Imperatoris]

I like little kids reasonably well, but they are way too expensive for me to ever see myself wanting more than one at the most. I don’t really understand why some people really hate them, though.

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

ETA: I was the perfect golden child as a little kid, though, (I’m not kidding: I never screamed (or even said) curse words, I always spoke in complete sentences, like “I will,” instead of “Yes,”, I never got into any fights, I never did anything dangerous, I liked going to museums and being read to, and I mostly did whatever my parents wanted) so no doubt any kid of mine would turn out to be a complete hellion.

[Hostile_Dialect]

@Vox Imperatoris

I always spoke in complete sentences, like “I will,” instead of “Yes,”

Your parents taught you that “yes” isn’t a sentence? Saying “yes” is comparable to screaming swear words? How bizarre.

Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist

[cmyk]

Isn’t to hate little kids to be a tad hypocritical, as we were all annoying, inconvenient, obnoxious kids once. Trust me, you bugged the fuck out of some adults when you were a rugrat, you weren’t the angel you thought you were.

And “breeders”? Seriously?

[chowder]

@cmyk

Isn’t to hate little kids to be a tad hypocritical, as we were all annoying, inconvenient, obnoxious kids once. Trust me, you bugged the fuck out of some adults when you were a rugrat, you weren’t the angel you thought you were.

And “breeders”? Seriously?

You speak for yourself sonny.

I have it on good authority I was the very model of a sprog, polite, pleasant and well mannered.

Now get the fuck off my lawn you snotty nosed little weasels

[Vox_Imperatoris]

@Hostile_Dialect

Your parents taught you that “yes” isn’t a sentence? Saying “yes” is comparable to screaming swear words? How bizarre.

Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist

They didn’t teach me that. I just did it, and they thought it was cute. They never said anything like, “Don’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.” That would have been bizarre. Saying “yes” and screaming swear words were not intended to be comparable, just examples of things both minor and major.

Valete,
Vox Imperatoris

[CanvasShoes]

I’ve said this before…several times…

I like kids just fine. Some of them I love, I have two of my own (17 and 30, and the 30 year old has provided me with a granddaughter who is now two). It is the parents who don’t parent (and are thus responsible for consistent bad behaviour by kids) that drive me bonkers!

Before some of you get all up in arms, I’m not talking about the normal and unexpected temper tantrums and so on of young toddlers taking their first forays out into society. I’m talking about bad behaviour that is generally ignored, or that parents insist is just “kids being kids” such as the attempted sapling murder incident mentioned above by another poster. The parents just let it go on for quite some time before finally stepping in to stop it, didn’t they? Wanna bet that someone forced the issue and told them they needed to stop it, or they probably would have let it go on until the saplings were completely destroyed?

“Oh, they’re just being kids”. Yup, I get it, kids are curious, they didn’t know that this was a bad idea, that’s why parents need to be parents and teach them the correct way to behave in public. Same for screaming bloody murder (without being stopped and/or taken OUT of the area) in a public place for no apparent reason, that is NOT “just being a kid”, and no, little Chelsea/Britni(ee)(eigh)(ey)/Whitney/Ashleieiiiggghhheee etc… does not need to kick the back of my theatre seat for 2 hours during the cheerleading competition. Again, that is not “just being a kid”, it’s bad manners, bad social behaviour and the result of bad parenting.

They might not know better, and I don’t blame them for that, but YOU, as their parent, do know better and I absolutely blame you if you’re not teaching them appropriate social behaviour. Kids are cute, parents with the “cult of the child” mentality are NOT.

I was in Lowe’s last night getting some molly screws. There was a little girl (maybe 2 and a half or 3) all alone and crawling all over the porch swings displayed in the garden section. I glanced around thinking “surely her mom is very close by”. Nope, not a soul anywhere near her. Not a soul, not another customer, not a salesman, no one who would notice if she suddenly went off with a stranger, or if she fell off and hurt herself on the many outdoor fireplaces on display in front of each porch swing.

So I ask her, “where’s your mommy”? She says “my daddy”. Where’s daddy? 4 aisles down very absorbed in looking at weed-whackers. I ask him “is that your little girl in the garden section”? Dad looks up and looks around sort of startled, he didn’t even know she’d wandered off. To his credit he wasn’t one of those parents that acts all indignant and “my child can do no wrong/my parenting skillz are supreme”. He had the grace to look a bit pale and skedaddled off to get her.

But damn people, you’re parents now, so PARENT for God sake!

[Boyo_Jim]

One of the great ironies of my life is that I work in a center where they teach labor/delivery and parenting classes. Everyone I work with is a woman, and everyone (but me) rushes over to gawk and simper over every new baby that comes through the door.

If someone insists on bringing the baby to me, or just as bad a slew of pics, I have the exact same response to them all. In the flattest, most robotic voice I can manage, I say,“That is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen”, and immediately turn away and go back to my work.

It’s quite surprising how many people believe me.

[PapSett]

I am finding that the older I get, the less tolerance I have got children… and I didn’t have MUCH to begin with.

People that have their whiny toddler do their answering machine message should be boiled in oil.

I don’t ooh and ahh over babies. They are pink blobs that babble nonsense, shit, piss and stink. Show me a puppy, kitten, foal, or other baby furry, and I go all weak at the knees and turn to goo inside. Babies? Not so much.

Last night, a group from work wanted to go out for pizza. They chose a place called Gatti Town. I had never been there, knew nothig about it. Turns out it’s like a Chuck E Cheese, only bigger. It seemed like there were THOUSANDS of rug rats there. I was treated to sitting under a screen roughly the size of my living room wall showing Sponge Bob… which I had managed very happily ot go 48 years without seeing an episode of. I went thru the buffet line and was pushed and shoved by brats, had them cut in friont of me in line, and watched them finger the food. I came back to our table and announced that I was going to have my tubes tied.

Kids? No thank you.