I’m currently laid up in bed ill, and I’m relying on my iPad for entertainment, and I’ve realised something about Apple’s revolutionary wonder product: It’s buggy as fuck and doesn’t work. Here’s a brief rundown of the first world problems I’ve been experiencing:
1). It took me about a week to figure out how to get to my iTunes library to play podcasts. Now, you’d think, the library being the repository of all your podcasts, and Apple’s podcast range being one of it’s main USP’s, that the library would be easy to find. For instance, if I had designed the iPad, I would have put a link to the library on evey single page of iTunes, because, well, fuck it, why not, right? It doesn’t fucking cost anything. Let’s go the extra mile and make life a little easier for everyone.
Instead, to play my podcasts, I have to go to iTunes->Downloaded Items->Purchased->More->Podcasts. Now, to me, that’s not intuitive at all. It took me fucking ages to find that out!
2). The video interface is buggy as a motherfucker. I’ve been using iTunes to download old episodes of The X-Files, and about half the episodes I’ve downloaded simply do not appear in the video interface. I know they’re there. I know I’ve downloaded the episodes properly. I know they’re sitting on the hard drive taking up space. I can see them when I go to Settings->General->Usage->Video->The X Files. But I can’t fucking play them, because the stupid, lousy, cunting, Christing, pig-fucking video interface just isn’t picking them up! instead, what it’s doing is duplicting the episodes it does pick up for no reason at all. For example, I’ve downloaded episodes from seasons 1 & 2 of The X-Files. The season 2 episodes are nowhere to be found, but the season 1 episodes appear in the interface twice, as if to mock me!
3). The internet is slow as fuck and keeps crashing. Initally, I thought this was a poblem with my Wifi. Then I checked that theory using my mum’s laptop, which works perfectly, and realised that, nope, it’s gotta be the fucking iPad. Now occasionally, the internet service isn’t too bad. Things hum along at a nice, even clip, and I can get shit done in a timely fashion. At those times, I can reflect on all the good things about the iPad, like the voluminous iTunes product range, and Temple Run, and Words With Friends. At times like these, all is right with the world, and thoughts of murder couldn’t be further from my mind. The rest of the time, however, it’s an unendurable frustration. Apart from taking an age to download even simple websites, the iPad has an endearing habit of automatically refreshing tabs if you don’t look at them for a few minutes. That means, if you had to wait ten minutes for a page to load the first time, you’re going to have to wait ten minutes again.
Now, I don’t expect to fare too well in this pitting. There are a great many technoloical wunderkinds on this site to whom the addled ramblings of a neophyte like me must seem like just so many lunatic diatribes about the end times, penned in excrement on alley walls and toilet stalls. Furthermore, I fully accept that I may be overlooking the absolute bleeding obvious. However, to those people, I say, respectfully, suck my balls! I’m miserable, I’m stuck in bed, and the only person I can consult for technical help is my mum, and she doesn’t know the difference between a google search and a poptart!
Fucking iPad, at this rate I might be forced to go do something constructive with my time.
skulks off, grumbling
- Posted from an Apple iPad, because I hate it that fucking much.
Cheers tavalla. Well, that’s one down…