Don’t die! I’d miss you too much!
On the other side: if there is history, he could be driven to overreact through fear. Just take all of this–late payment, landlady reaction, SO reaction, stomach ulcers (or whatever), etc.–one day at time.
Don’t let this become an ever increasing cycle of anger or despair.
Don’t make big promises, just work hard to avoid repeating the problem.
Don’t overreact to the overreaction of others, with better “performance,” their overreactions should simmer down.
Hi ggurl
Just another Doper wishing you a happy birthday and who’s glad to hear everything turned out okay. Things must be getting better - you got moved from the Pit to MPSIMS !!!
Happy Birthday, and I’ve done the same thing. That’s why my husband pays the rent/mortgage, and I get the other bills. But I’m a procrastinator, and I know the kicks I give myself hurt, and it’s worse when you’ve been lax in the past and are trying to reform.
If nobody died and it didn’t cost a million dollars, it’s gonna be okay.
(I used to be really good about paying bills by cheque, putting them in the envelope, stamping, and then… leaving them in my purse for three weeks. So very embarrassing to get late notices.) :mad:
Everybody is being so nice!! I almost initiated this thread in MPSIMS but I decided I was Pitting myself and so I might as well stick it in the Pit.
Also, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who has fucked up in this way. Sometimes I feel like the biggest dumbass on earth.
Monstro, :p. I’m assuming you’re being facetious! 
ggurl, you need to borrow my motto for a while:
In this life I must dread only one day at a time.
Happy Birthday, kiddo! 
I agree. The OP didn’t say specifically what the history of infractions involved. But unless it involved something along the lines of what my friend’s wife did, the occasional space-out of a payment is no biggie. It certainly doesn’t deserve the level of hatred being spewed toward her. It’s demoralizing to worry if the love of your life is going to HATE you for screwing up a household duty.
I would also remind her that some people are naturally suited for certain tasks more than other people are. She could trade him on a task and then he won’t have to worry. My guess is that he’s equally bad at organizing the finances, and he dumped the chore on her so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. I mean, if she’s historically spacy about finances, how did she end up with this task?
I used to be really, REALLY bad at bill paying. My husband was always really REALLY good at it. I’ve learned how to be good at it by association. We are NEVER overdrawn. We have a savings account that will cover virtually any household emergency and cover us for months if one of us should become unemployed. It can be learned. THERE IS HOPE!!
I’d also like to offer some useful advice (seeing as I used to be YOU in the finance department).
The way I learned to be good with money is by doing the bills with my husband. It was a weekly task that we were both involved in every Saturday. We’d go to the bank (back before automatic deposit existed), make the entries into the checkbook, tally up the bills that needed paying, determined what could wait til next week, made out the checks, and figured out how much walking-around money we could have for the week. This approach serves a number of practical purposes. Everyone is on the same page with regard to what you actually can afford. Both people are in tune with spending patterns. Both people are aware of the situation if you start living above your means. You can plan for the future together (pick a goal that you’ll save toward, either a household want or necessity, or something personal for each of you).
I’m a firm believer in discussing finances openly and often. You need to have a realistic picture of who you are financially. Your priorities will either begin to grow together or you will begin to see that you have drastically different ideas about how to spend your money. It really says a lot about the two of you; both individually and as a couple. This approach worked really well for us. We don’t have a lot of income, but we are financially healthy. And we never fight about money.
I just realized I haven’t paid my phone bill since July! I thought I had set it up for online automatic payment, but apparently that is not so. No wonder I’ve had money for the last few months.
A belated Happy Birthday, GGurl!
You feel dreadful, but don’t sweat it. You’ve made a mistake, but you’ve recognised it and you’ll learn from it. And I’ll bet that the cheque arrived this morning.
Two suggestions: set up a standing order with the bank, so she gets paid, and set up a modest overdraft facility (is this called a credit line in America?) so that you can pay her even when the salary comes at an inconvenient date.
have you ever gotten treatment for GAD or talked to a physician about it or any kind of anxiety problem? If you have it it is probably making your life alot worse than it needs to be. I have had anxiety which is now under control but I can completely relate to suffering intensely over something that 95% of the time turns out to be nothing.
Wesley, that is very insightful. I have actually been diagnosed with anxiety disorders in the past. My main focus right now is trying to meditate and live in the moment instead of in my frantic thoughts.
We figured out what happened: I mailed the rent in a bill payment envelope. I scratched out the address for the company but did not scratch out the bar code. Therefore, it went to wherever the envelope was addressed to in the first place.
My SO called and explained this to the landlady, I stopped payment on the obviously lost check and mailed a new one yesterday. Next, we will pay next month’s rent early and cross our fingers that we do not get a 30-day eviction. The landlady I guess was tense with my SO, but was not unkind and was not totally negative. It was all we could do. The SO has softened toward me again a bit, and it seems hopeful that we might recover from this and I might learn how to face life a little more consciously.
I am so grateful for the Dopers and the people in real life who have talked me through this. I am sick of drama, although I may be addicted to it in some bizarre way. However, this incident is one in a series of wake-up calls to change the way I do things - or life will continue to spiral into hopelessness. Right now, I’m thankful.