And it’s probably going to sit in my fridge until it turns green. It’s not enough to make something “big” (mmmmmmmmm, cheeeeeesecaaaaaaaaaaake) and it’s too damn cold to go out for more ingredients. Does anyone have any quick ‘n’ easy ideas for what to do with it?
Toast! I love it on toasted bread, especially pumpernickel. Sometimes with jam on top. Nummy!
Do you have any white bread and food colouring??
Or else stick it in the celery.
Mash it 'til it’s softened and fold it into scrambled eggs or an omelet.
Perfect! That’s exactly what I was looking for. 
Thanks!
Um…what do you do with it?
make half the cream cheese pink and the other half green. Then make sandwiches, and cut the crusts off!
Mix it with smooth taco sauce, or finely-chopped red pimiento and green onions, or whatever. Spread on flour tortillas. Roll up and refrigerate for an hour or so. Cut into little pinwheel sammiches.
After Christmas, maybe - the stores are closed now. 
Soften it in the microwave, or leave it out on the counter for a while. Pour salsa over it, and use it for dip.
I spread it on crackers. Any crackers, from common saltines to the fancy little crackers that come in the Gourmet Gift Packs. My husband especially loves cream cheese in celery. Or toast some bread, spread it with cream cheese, and top it with ham.
well if its good cream cheese…
Cream cheese+jelly+finger always worked for me.
Get a little can of smoked salmon and dice it up with a bit of onion, then mix. Goes great on crackers, bagels, and your finger.
As said above, add it to your scrambled eggs with some dried herbs.
The wonderful thing about cream cheese is that you can mix it with just about anything else in the fridge–even if you have almost nothing in the fridge–to make a quick cracker/sandwich spread: Raisins and nuts (with chopped apple if you have one handy); lemon pepper and chopped green olives; whatever jam you happen to have; a little Bay seasoning and tinned fish. Sometimes you just have to experiment with what things work best together.
Got any bagels?
Experiment with your SO-body bagels work 
Inspired by the rash of Bob Evans commercials featuring it…Spread it between your french toast and top with fruit topping. Sounds pretty good to me!
Mix it up with chopped spinach and grated nutmeg, use it to stuff a pancake.
Also really, really good with jalapeno jelly.
Another nice cream cheese spread is to finely dice & mash up some onions, add a little bit of good Hungarian or Spanish paprika (1/2 tsp or so. Enough to make it fairly orange but not blood red), a smidgen of mustard, and some caraway seeds. Yum Yum. Some variations also add capers. It’s a traditional Hungarian/Austrian cheese spread.