Consulting a professional might be embarrassing, I presume that’s why nate went online. Not that it’s a bad idea.
But yes, if it affects your driving and causes you to ignore someone talking to you, especially when it’s your wife telling you to stop that, it’s a problem. Not an insolvable problem, not an identity-defining problem but a problem that should be worked on.
Nate, right now, try looking at pictures of women you find attractive for 10 seconds then look away and don’t come back to them for an hour. If you can’t do that, don’t think 98% of men are like you. It’s the other way around. The more you indulge that trait, the stronger and more difficult to dig yourself out of it’s going to get.
I find it amusing that the op is taken to task for objectifying women by using the word “that” as if saying, “Damn, I’d like to fuck the hell out of her” would have been perfectly acceptable.
It would have not been acceptable, but it would have been less objectionable because it at least acknowledges that the object of his desire is a person as opposed to a thing.
Speaking as a man, this is absurd. I’ve looked at breasts. I’ve looked away from breasts. Looking away does, indeed, lessen the grip the visual stimulus has on your attention.
I don’t think that the varying tendencies are in inherent in the gender; I just think that a man can get away with being a horndog a lot more easily than a woman. We hear it from all directions, how “boys will be boys” and how “we can’t help it”. If women are hearing such things I’m unaware of it.
This applies double if the person did most of their maturation* more than fifteen years ago.
*so to speak
I have an excellent driving record and really low insurance rates as a result. But I have had several close calls over the years, due to the exact thing we are talking about here. If we could do some kind of omniscient research about accidents, I bet this would loom large, right up there with alcohol and texting, as reasons for car crashes. (I look forward to the much safer self-driving car future, even though it will end my nascent Uber-driving “career”.)
Sunglasses are very helpful in this regard.
This is super interesting and a great example of why this thread is valuable. So do you call bullshit on the claim we so often hear that men are visual and women are more about a narrative?
So… you are saying that your concentration or focus is easily interrupted by other biological factors? Ok then, not sure why that’s remarkable much less controversial. Concerning the 98% in your OP I’d dispute that but i don’t have a cite.
No he is not saying that. He’s saying he can’t watch a tv show or talk with his wife if an attractive woman is in his sightline. Even if the attractive woman is in the tv show he wants to watch.
Why? What burning insult will quench your anger? The fact is, guys have been raised forever to accept the mental laziness that the OP displays. Insulting will do little good. nate has to understand that his sex fixation is no better than people who develop elaborate revenge fantasies when they are cut off in traffic. Insults will just make him dig in against the “feminazis”.
I’ve a male approaching 40 and have always been hypersexual compared to just about anyone I’ve been close enough to talk about it with. When I first see a women I couldn’t even tell you if she was beautiful because my mind basically says TITS!!!. But it happens so fast that there isn’t a thought of sex or anything, or maybe all those thoughts are wrapped up into the one moment of lust.
But for me at least, it really is just a moment, just a flash, and anything after that is in my control. I don’t see how it could distract you from something.
Because of this thread, I was consciously aware of my thoughts when I went to the grocery store on Sunday, where I encountered lots of different people.
To be sure, I apparently have a wandering eye, in that I looked at each person I walked past. And my mind apparently runs an ongoing commentary about those people - “That guy’s tall. He has such skinny arms…odd looking couple; they both have weird hair and lots of tattoos; they seem right for each other…aww, that lady has a baby in her cart…”
And, sure enough, it’s a judgmental inner monologue, and one that does get shallow and sometimes objectifying. “Nice legs; very tan; I’m glad she’s wearing those shorts…tall skinny guy’s picking out junk food, no wonder he has no muscle tone…”
From the perspective of other people, though, I was just a dude buying groceries. I smiled at the baby and the couple. I said “excuse me” when I reached for something next to the pretty girl with the toned legs. The skinny guy probably never noticed me (or, who knows, maybe I was a random in his thoughts).
You can have thoughts, you can notice people, and you can do those things without letting it interfere with your day. The brain can even multitask to such an extent that you can walk and talk and still be thinking. I suspect most people aren’t limited to only doing what their brain is thinking about at any given time.
Not really. For one my mind did not connect watching a documentary with watching TV. I do most of my watching on a tablet via apps such as YouTube. The word “tv” never entered my mind when reading that OP.
So generalizing viewing a documentary and walking down the street to basic activities that require a bit of focus is not at all odd or sinister.
It probably is acceptable IMO because it’s just saying “I would like to have vigorous sex with her” but using crude language. And since it was his inner monologue, the crude language is neither here nor there.
Granted, people don’t like to hear about these thoughts, any more than I want to hear about what people masturbate to. But there’s nothing inherently wrong there.