I have accidentally invented a squirrel feeder.

I can never get them to burn when the fur is damp.

Where I live, squirrel feeders have been around forever. They come in a box marked “Bird Feeder”.

Helpful hint: in a productive acorn year, never ever ever leave your car parked under an oak tree with the windows rolled down. Because every squirrel in the county will just be so thrilled with this nice big handy-dandy Acorn Storage Unit that they’ll do their best to stuff literally all the acorns into it.

After a few hours , there was a layer of whole and partially eaten acorns about 2 inches thick on the front floor and seats. There were acorns on the backseat and stuffed into every possible nook and cranny.

I had to scrape off the driver’s seat, because if I wanted to drive while sitting on a layer of round knobby things I’d already have one of those wooden bead seat covers, which I don’t. I had to scrape them off the floor because I was afraid the pedals would jam. when I got home I had to use a shopvac to suck the rest out, and I was still finding acorn tidbits in odd places for as long as I had that car.

This year in SE Michigan was the lowest acorn year I can remember. I didn’t have to deal with any, only saw or heard couple for a minute or so before the ravenous Squirrel hordes grabbed them and ran.