So I set down tonight to smoke a bowl of the new latakia blend I picked up yesterday, but was unable to find it anywhere. A thorough search of my kitchen revealed that it was not there. I reluctantly came to the conclusion that I had absent-mindedly thrown it away.
Luckily, I had taken out the garbage only this afternoon, and so the bag should be sitting somewhat freshly near the top of the dumpster. A frantic search for a flashlight ensued, with me eventually being forced to use a handheld blacklight / weak flashlight I had purchased to seek out cat urine stains.
The bag itself I spied easily, but it was way at the back of the dumpster, thanks to my habit of tossing the garbage in a high arc. An attempt to use a mop handle to pull the bag out proved unsuccessful. I began to wonder how I was going to get the bag out. At this point, a few passers-by began to look in my direction.
I decided to enter the dumpster itself, which presented a new problem: I am, for a 300-lb man, quite agile, but there was no way I was going to be able to vault myself over the edge of the dumpster. I resorted to pulling alongside the dumpster with my car, and using the bumper as a stepping-stone. I deftly navigated the sea of garbage, avoiding the broken wooden box with nails sticking out and the used pan of kitty litter, and only once broke through the surface; miraculously, when I pulled my leg out I espied no visible filth on it.
The bag being tossed out of the dumpster, with myself quickly following, a brief rummaging produced the small (thankfully airtight) container of tobacco. The remainder of the bag contents I returned to the dumpster, and quickly returned home to wash and change clothes. I am glad few people noticed me, as it would be quite embarassing to relate how I was crawling through garbage to retrieve one measly ounce of tobacco.
And so here I sit, puffing away on its bitterly smoky goodness (the blend is Dunhill Nightcap, containing 50% latakia and a mix of virginias, for those who care about such things), filling the room with the scent of smoked (as over a wood fire) tobacco. The scent is not unlike a smokehouse. It has been a successful evening.