I have had 51 jobs…[sup]*[/sup]
and I’m still in my thirties
[sup]* From a …certain… point of view[/sup]
So I learn that my current contract job is being cancelled for economy reasons.(I know, take a number, this isn’t a sympathy call out). I talked to one of my friends about it and he said he will see what he can do to help.
However; The people he knows work in big time High-security positions. He warned me that if they are interested they will want an extensive background check, and suggested I start working on a list of every one I have ever worked for or subcontracted for. I went deep into my mind and started counting every job, and holy shit, 51 of them. Now to be honest that doesn’t mean I have had 51positions. It’s from the view of recording all my employers at any level of being in my billing chain. and several times I have had companies be bought out, or contracts switched, or redistributed through outourcers. Basically 51 is the number of times I have had to fill out paperwork related to starting for a company. Many times I have actually kept doing the same thing while the structure changed around me. 36 is the actual number of distinct positions as near as I can figure.
My resume is only 19 relevant jobs, cause nobody cares what I did in highschool or college, or grad school or second jobs, or just ‘get a paycheck coming in bad times’ crap jobs. I realize that all in all that isn’t a huge number for a computer contractor, but it feels heavy and disparing right now.
So I have created a plan that you should all propose to your congressmen. It’s called the ‘50 job Charlie retirement’ option. Obviously based on the Black-Jack 5-card-Charlie. When you have done 50 jobs, without ever being fired, even though they don’t actually amount to shit when put together, you are entitled to stop right there and"win" (get a huge government pension to retire on). So who’s with me?
My best friend, who has just turned 40, has had a lot of jobs throughout his life. We were just talking about it yesterday. Some of them were (in no particular order) :
Elevator operator
Trash man
Gravedigger
School bus driver
sewer cleaner
landscaper
window installer
driving instructor
Emergency medical technician
assembly line worker
computer repair
security guard
maintenance worker
cable guy
webmaster
vending machine guy
And thats off the top of my head. I know i’m leaving a bunch out. I think it makes him a much more interesting person. He is quite broke too though. But hell, so am I.
I know it is not exactly what you are asking for, but when it comes time to write that resume, or prepare the list, put similar jobs under one heading.
For instance, if you worked at 8 companies installing hardware and checking software, don’t list each job separately:
Computer Hardware/Software Installer
2003-2007
Installed hardware and software for company computers at various locations, including Ace Hardware, Bill’s Pet Store, J&R Industries, Max Temp Agency, LiveProductions Inc., XYZ Corp., Betty’s Spa and Jake’s Auto Supplies.
See how nice and tight the above appears - you are getting your info across, are not lying one bit, and still are able to list everywhere you worked without looking like a gypsy traveling through Romania.
Gardener
Music teacher
Musician
Assembly line cog
Shipper
Security guard
Musician (again)
Deli worker
Sales clerk
Movie theatre usher
Movie theatre manager
Bank teller
Accountant
Video clerk
Mover
Accountant
Loan drone
Data entry clerk
Mail room clerk
Printer/copier repairman
Software support tech
Computer programmer
I’m sure I’m forgetting some. And I’ve been doing that last one for almost 14 years now.
Your plan would be unfairly biased in favor of people who work in radio. Based on the job turnover I remember from my radio days, you could hit the 50-job mark in a decade or so, no sweat (actually, it might be a bit of a challenge not to ever be fired). I had only three jobs in about five years, so I was one of the rare stable employees.
Best wishes in finding job #52, and may it be permanent and well-paying.
Let’s see. And I think I’ll list all the jobs I ever had. A lot of these are temp jobs I worked over the summer, but they sound funny all listed together.
Art store clerk
Plant nursery laborer
I Can’t Believe It’s Yogurt jerk
Haagen Daaz ice cream jerk
Fast food register guy (later “promoted” to drive-thru)
Deli clerk
Mail room
Major League MVP ballot counter
Injection molding machine operator
Busboy (and possibly courier for the Italian mob)
Box factory worker
Office temp
CAD draftsman
Civil engineer intern
Grocery bagger
Pitney Bowes postage meter tester
Civil engineer
Help desk contractor
IT consultant
E-commerce consultant
Programmer / analyst
Big-4 management consultant
Renewable energy company business manager
Supply chain consultant
Director of a computer forensics consulting firm (well, one of a bunch of Directors)
Some sort of strategy manager in a Fortune 500 company
Let’s see… Going all the way back to high school up I start with…
Camp Counselor, Scout Camp
Gas Station Attendant
Brush clearing/toilet cleaning guy at a state campground
Dishwasher
Librarian Assistant at a college
Dunkin Donuts employee
Warehouse employee
Guy who picked up large snowmobile tracks and sorted them into piles
Dishwasher (again)
Computer guy / pick and pack for small mail order cake decoration supply company
Guy who worked with the mentally disabled
Guy who works with the elderly
I’m pretty sure that’s it… and a couple of those I’ve been hunting for W2s for so long I had to estimate amounts on my taxes… grumble grumble…
This was interesting. Trying to count everything that I’ve been paid for. Turned out to be more than I thought, I thought it would only be a few different jobs at slightly more companies since I’ve been in the same industry since I’ve graduated.
Paper delivery boy (local free weekly rag) (I think this was junior high) (~1yr)
Paper delivery boy (local daily paid paper) (also junior high maybe grade 9) (~1yr)
Babysitter (off and on in junior high and highschool) (~4-5 yrs)
Day camp counselor (summers Grades 10 and 11) (4 months over 2 yrs)
Intern at Environmental Engineering Consulting Firm #1 (summer grade 12) (3 months)
Artillery Reserves (grade 13) ( a few months)
Residential camp counselor (summer after Grade 13) (2 months)
Environmental Engineering Consulting Firm #1 (University co-op) (4 months)
Chemical Manufacturing (co-op) (4 months)
Teaching Assistant (during 2nd year university) (4 months)
Pulp and Paper company #1 (co-op) (4 months)
Pulp and Paper company #2 (2 co-op placements) (8 months)
Consulting Firm #1 (co-op and summer after graduating) (7 months)
Research at grad university (9 months)
Similar but different research at national lab (1 yr)
Consulting Firm #2 (7 yrs)
Consulting Firm #3 (4 yrs)
That’s 15 different companies (counting babysitting as only 1 although there were actually several) and 9 significantly different types of work.
Fast Food
Fast Food
Clown
Furniture Store (office work)
Dry cleaners
Fast Food
Appliance Repair Receptionist
Construction Office
Answering service (with plug switchboard)
Waitress
Waitress
Insurance
Telecommunications (4 positions)
Roofing Secretary
Steel industry
Educational Testing Materials - editorial assistant
Defense Contracting
Temporary Placement Agency
HVAC Construction Office
Fire Safety Training Company
Sears (Legal, Hand Tools, Softer Side, IT)
IT Support (4 accounts)
I’m pretty sure there are others but I can’t think of any right now.
It’s called the ‘50 job Charlie retirement’ option. Obviously based on the Black-Jack 5-card-Charlie. When you have done 50 jobs, without ever being fired, even though they don’t actually amount to shit when put together, you are entitled to stop right there and"win" (get a huge government pension to retire on). So who’s with me? 